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KJT1985

A little down about people's reactions...

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It seems like every time I turn around, somebody is complaining about the fact that we're having a destination wedding. We knew when we decided to go away that it would keep a lot of people from attending and we're ok with that. But why can't keep their mouths shut instead of complaining?! A simple yes or no would do. I hear from my friend about how she'll be writing her thesis then and its just "impossible" and she's already (a year ahead of time) decided that she can't go. Or I find a comment my brother left of my FSIL's facebook about how expensive it's going to be to go! We haven't even decided on a flipping resort yet! AND due to the location of our families, one side would have to fly no matter what we do! Mine lives in Colorado/Kansas and his in Canada. Even if we had it here, or in Canada, it wouldn't eliminate all the whining. They should be happy we aren't making them spend $800 on one plane ticket to go to Canada! Gah! I just wish they would think more about how it hurts me to hear the complaining and would keep their yaps shut. I don't mind if they can't afford it, I don't mind if they can't come... but I do mind the complaining that's ALREADY going on....ok i'm done. sorry.

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I think every one of us who has had (or is planning) a DW has faced this in some way, shape, or form. Our thoughts on it were we know people won't come, we won't be offended if you can't come, we'd like you there, but this is how it's going to be. There were several very important people who were missing on our wedding day, but i wouldn't change a thing about that day. It was about US, not some random guest who complained alot.

 

I wish I could make you feel better about this. People just like complaining. At least you recognize that any place you'd have it, people would be complaining. Remind them that it's YOUR wedding, not theirs. cheesy.gif

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Hey KJT1985

FI and I went through the SAME thing...mostly with his two sisters. When we sent out our STD we got an email saying "any cheaper hotels near by?" not even a hello or congrats. We also got several nasty emails from the other sister how we are inconsiderate for having a DW and putting the costs on our guests rather than ourselves IRK The thing is they all live in the east coast and my family is in CA, which is where FI and I live not to mention all my extended family is in Europe. Having the wedding in Boston was never an option and I'm sorry I'm not having my wedding for his sisters. It was a pretty big ordeal and took away from my excitement, but now that we are two months out everyone has finally calmed down and I think they realize they need to just shut up and accept it or dont come :) I hope things calm down for you too and dont feel guilty because what my FI I kept having to remind me was that its OUR wedding not anyone else's and we need to do what makes us happy!

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Alot of us have been thru this. I can be real bitchy and just told the people complaining to just shut up, if its that bad, then don't come. You're the one missing out on a fun time!!!! Currently we are battling w/ FI's best friend/ best man. We understand he can't afford to come but its really important us that he is there. So we have offered to pay for everything (food, air, hotel, alcohol, his attire!) but his gf can't afford to come so he says he isn't gonna make it.

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We are in the same position too. My best friend is having a huge wedding extravaganza in October this year and every time I mention our wedding (A DW in Feb next year - thats right a whole year away) she says she can't afford it and how can we expect everyone to pay to go. it is too expensive blah blah blah. I guess the thing with me is that although it would be nice for everyone to go. I don't really care if they dont come. It is our day and as long as me and my groom are there it will be just as much of a wedding as if there were 100 people there.

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Am I evil but honestly, I wanted to keep it small and intimate and that's one of the reasons I chose a DW. We haven't had too many complainers but some passive-aggressive, "geez, I guess we won't be going on our regular vacation this year" types of comments. I have said to one of FIs friends, that they definitely didn't have to miss their "regular" vacation for our wedding b/c it didn't matter to me if they were there. (See Jacilynda, I can be bitchy too!) I care about my parents, my FIs parents and a few close friends, everyone else is just gravy and if they bitch about cost I tell them plainly that they don't have to come. Of course, having a later AHR helps a lot.

Maybe you can plan a special something in Boston and California after the wedding for those that can't make it. It may make them feel better and stop complaining. Just a thought.

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been there too. we live on the west side of canada and all of FI's family is in the east. so rather make one family fly to one side of the country we thought it only fair to do a DW and everyone fly somewhere. had to deal with none of FI's siblings coming cuz they can't afford it. and FI being mopey about it cuz he flew home for each of their weddings even though he could barely afford it. and his first choice of a best man also backing out cuz they ended getting pregnant and really couldn't afford it.

 

it sucks but nothing you really can do. people are whiners. we're 3 months until our wedding and even though my sister is booked every time i talk to her she complains about how expensive it is. ppl may bitch about the cost but i have no doubt in my mind that after the trip they will have so much fun and it'll be such an awesome vacation with family and my friends that they'll think it was totally worth it.

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I agree with the other girls. ANd after going thru 2 weddings with 2 of my bff's this year I realized that people would bitch no matter what. They bitch about AHW just as much as our wonderful destination weddings. Chin up girlie. Just remember they can complain all they want, their just mad bc they aren't getting a free dinner and drinks. lol.

On a side note FI parents told us b4 we decided to do this ie put money down that they would both be there and now neither one is coming. And he says whatever but I know it bothers him. But we made our decision and we are sticking to it. Thia day is about US not them.

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