Is it OK to scrap the AHR??

[Tissey]

Time has not been on my side throughout this entire thing and now I'm really feeling the squeeze. I just started PA school this month and hoped that I would have all of the planning done by this point. I managed to finish pretty much all of the wedding stuff but haven't touched the AHR. Since the wedding is in 2 months and we are making a cross country move immediately after we get back (did I mention we are from Dallas but I'm currently in Seattle for school?) I'm thinking that the AHR is going to be way too much hassle.

We already told a lot of our family and friends that we would have something back home when we got back from the wedding but haven't given a date or set any plans, but with school and moving I just don't see how I can plan anything else right now.

I wanted to have the AHR so anyone who couldn't go to the wedding wouldn't feel left out but most of our close friends and pretty much all of our immediate families are going. So is it OK if we just forget about the AHR or will we eventually regret not having one? Also, do you think anyone who isn't going to the wedding would be hurt or offended if we didn't have something they could attend?

[*tinkertoy*]

I'm in a similar situation. I've thought about a very low key open house or BBQ at home but our house is really small.

 

I feel bad cause I told people the same- if they weren't able to come they can come to the AHR but now *sigh* I'm just not really feeling it.

 

I'll watch to see what kind of advice you get.

[hockeymom97]

I could be wrong but I get the feeling that you would like to have an AHR, but are just feeling a little overwhelmed right now and are worried that you don't have enough time to put it all together. but it's not as if you need to have the AHR as soon as you get back from your DW. I've seen brides on here who have their AHR up to a year after they return!! I know a year may be streching it, but I think it's fairly common for it to be a couple of months after the actual wedding. Ours will be a month and a half after we return. So just keep that in mind that you could have one if you wanted and still have a little more time to plan

 

But if you really don't want to have one, I think that's perfectly acceptable as well. I'm sure friends and family would love to celebrate with you but they aren't the ones who need to plan or pay for the AHR, so I'm sure they will understand. Good luck with whatever you decide

[josietoms]

Ditto - I get the impression that although the timing is not right you would like one. I am having mine a week after I return but have seen loads of brides have them up to 6 months after the wedding. Also AHR dont take half as much organisation as the wedding day, so could you have a house party, bbq, hire restaurant for a meal so they do all the hard work. Good luck in whatever choose x

[starchild]

I agree that maybe putting it off until later in the year would work for you if you do still want to have one, but if you don't want to then don't!

 

I know you told some people you would be having one but oh well, things change. Until I got involved in the whole DW process I had never heard of an AHR. If someone I know got married out of town and didn't have a party for me when they returned I would not be upset. If I was invited to the wedding and didn't go, I'm not owed anything, kwim?

 

The point is, don't stress about it. It sounds like you have a lot going on and though an AHR is fun and festive, the wedding is what it's all about imho. Have fun at the wedding and settling into your new life after the move, and if the timing is right to have an AHR at that point then throw something together. If not, no worries.

[*Linds*]

We did a full out traditional AHR.

 

I woke up the morning after we got married in Mexico and said, "I don't even want to have an AHR now..."

 

Me, personally, I could have done without it 100%.

[eholt]

Have you considered possibly hosting a happy hour of some sort back home. Its a lot easier and still involves your guests!

[Thisisit2011]

I can feel you. We've changed our plans so many times and my friends have had to endure all the changes. But what I've learned is that the people that are really in your corner will love and support you no matter what you do. That being said, if you really want an AHR it sounds like you can consider scaling it down and/or pushing it back. If you don't want to have it, then don't. Those who love and support you will understand it either way.

[mexico102]

From the beginning we decided not to do an AHR. A couple of times I thought of reconsidering especially since the majority of our guests in Mexico are friends but after all this planning (with a lot more to do) I'm sure I don't want to do it.

[pinayflava]

i am not doing a AHR....i wanted to have the destination wedding be the only wedding celebration. I am having a jack n jill bridal shower hosted by my mom and aunts in a hall with a DJ and food and games so it'll kinda be like an AHR but it'll be a bridal shower instead before we leave for Mexico.