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CrystalM

Will I be a bridezilla if...

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I don't think everyone is "laying into you" about the contract thing so much as how you phrased it. I think there is a tactful way to express your concerns about the issue. I think what happened is you need to be careful not to offend people on here by calling them "tacky." Most people here probably don't pay for those things, making them fall into your "tacky" category. If you really want to do a contract then do it. Just make sure you are careful to come across as sincere in wanting to do something nice for your friends, and that you want them to extend the same kindness to you by honoring their commitments to your wedding.

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Originally Posted by CrystalM View Post
I'm not going to defend myself, but I will say this:

My friend since I was 4 year old is one of them. She was supposed to get married 5 years ago. I was her MOH. I paid $280, YES, $280 dollars for my bridemaid dress, $75 on alterations, $60 for the matching dyeable shoes, and co hosted her bridal shower for $300, all to get to 2 months before the wedding and her "postpone" it cause they couldn't afford it. They have set 3 additional dates and each has come and gone. All the meanwhile, she told me to hang on to the dress and shoes...she *just* got married in April buy doing a JOP wedding. Am I still annoyed by this, absolutely. This is why I think it's tacky. She is worried about being able to afford it now as it is. So for everyone who just laid into me about it, what would you do?

It's also not like this was going to be the only thing in the contract....I was planning on spelling out every and any responsibilities such date, times, when to reserve things. I talked to one of the other girls about it today. She thinks it's a good idea. She's also a sm. bus. owner who deals with contracts all day long.
well i hear you about what your friend did to you but you shouldn't punish your other friends b/c of someone else's F up.

also - being a small business owner is cool but friendships are NOT businesses - they are personal and i can bet your friends will be personally offended by your actions if you ask them to sign contracts, etc. b/c it basically says "i do not trust you" plain and simple

lastly, as for 'laying into you' --- you asked what we all thought - the girls are just being honest so please don't take it like you are being attacked - you really did ask everyone's opinion!

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Originally Posted by CrystalM View Post
So for everyone who just laid into me about it, what would you do?
Did anyone really "lay into you" or did they jsut give you their opinion, as you asked them to do?

That aside, you're now asking what I would do. I'd skip the bridal party altogether ... seems that would solve all of the issues! That's what I did.

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Yeah, I totally agree with everyone else - I don't think it is a good idea. You said it isn't just a money issue but also things like expectations, schedules, etc...I would honestly hope that I would be able to trust someone in my wedding party enough for them to understand how important my wedding day was to me and because of our friendship I would expect them to help me any way they could, not by a contract. IMO friendships come from trust, communication and all that stuff, you don't create the benefits of a friendships with a contract.

I think you might be stressing about this one, pressured and worried . That is all totally understandable. You have other options and I think better ones. Let you BM know how much you are worried about this, lay it all out there and be honest with them. Chat about it and I am sure you will feel much better. If need be then don't have a wedding party, I didn't and I love not having to worry about that during my planning and the day:)

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Like some others said, have an honest conversation about your expectations and be sure before you book the photog that your BMs are going for sure. Let them know you really want to do something special and that you really have to know they will be there. If they hesitate...you have your answer.

 

 

But please, please, please...don't have them sign a contract.

 

That is awful that you had to go through that with your friend. That is some serious cash and yes tacky on her part. But at the same time all of the gifts you give should be gifts from your heart and friendship ...and not obligations that come with legal binding agreements. blush2.gif

 

If you want opinions about business ask a business owner, if you want opinions from other brides, ask us. Please understand we are here to help and give you the best advice we can out of the help and that we have all received. :) I dont want to speak for anyone but myself...but this is how I feel. smile124.gif

 

I really hope you don't feel attacked or "laid into." That is not mine or other's intentions at all. Mine is purely from experience and how I would take the gesture.

 

 

I hope you do the right thing for you! That is all you can do! But you did ask for our advice, and I think that all the girls here give great advice and if we all seem to be saying the same thing, there must be validity to it, right? We wouldn't steer you wrong hun. And your FI said the same thing, didn't he? wink.gif

 

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Originally Posted by Alyssa View Post
well i hear you about what your friend did to you but you shouldn't punish your other friends b/c of someone else's F up.

also - being a small business owner is cool but friendships are NOT businesses - they are personal and i can bet your friends will be personally offended by your actions if you ask them to sign contracts, etc. b/c it basically says "i do not trust you" plain and simple

lastly, as for 'laying into you' --- you asked what we all thought - the girls are just being honest so please don't take it like you are being attacked - you really did ask everyone's opinion!
Well said Alyssa! You shouldn't treat your friends like they are clients of yours. If my friends asked me to sign a contract I would laugh in their face and be really offended. I think that it is totally fine to ask the BM's to pay for their own wedding attire. Actually, I didn't even have to ask my wedding party b/c everyone knows that it their responsibility to pay for their own attire. I have always paid for my own attire when I am in a wedding party. I understand you don't want to be out the money, but it is just a chance that brides have to take if they want to pay for everything themselves. Even though you think it is semi tacky, why not just get the BM's to pay for their own attire-that way you don't even have to worry about the contract and if a BM backs out they will be out the money, not you?? Just a thought. Just try to think of things from a friendship view not a business view. Hope that helps!

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Yes, I am only paying for my bridesmaids because I trust them, they are my best friends, and "I" want them there. If someone flakes out on me I'm sure they will have a good reason, and I could live with losing that much money. Only ask people you think won't flake on you. It is not worth it to lose friends over the situation. Remember they are doing this for "you".

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Originally Posted by CrystalM View Post
FI says that bringing in a contract into something like this is going to make me lose friends, but I think it's important for me not to be out that money if someone flakes on me...
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalM View Post
I talked to one of the other girls about it today. She thinks it's a good idea. She's also a sm. bus. owner who deals with contracts all day long.
I think you should listen to your FI and not a friend, for starters its his wedding too and it sounds like he is opposed to this idea. Also, he is right, you WILL lose friends, do not forget about that part.

Also, you have not told any of us what you plan to do if "someone flakes", are you going to sue them? Is your intention for this contract to be legally binding, if so, you might want to talk to a lawyer about that, because I am pretty positive it will NOT be binding and will not hold up in court.

I think you should stop putting money before your friends and your relationship with them. My relationship with my BM's is priceless and no amount of money would make me change my mind about that. I had one of my BFF's cancel as a bridesmaid. She put her deposit on the hotel and on her dress and she was willing to lose both because she could not afford to come to my wedding. I, because she means so much to me, got someone to take her place at the resort and pay her the deposit she was out and I also asked another friend to be a BM in her place and she got the dress that my BFF ordered and had it altered to fit her and my BFF got her deposit for the dress back. I am not saying any of those things were required to do, my friend was willing to lose the money, but because she is my friend I wanted to see her get her money back.

We also had a GM that lost his job after he paid his deposit. So, instead of using the free trip towards our fares, we used it for him. He wanted to be there so badly, but lost his job.

I could never even remotely consider suing either of these people if we had paid their deposit or anything towards them being there and they had to back out. Life is shitty sometimes and totally unfair, it took our GM a long time to get another job but we are so happy we did what we did or else he would not have been there on our wedding day.

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Originally Posted by JulieG View Post
I think you should listen to your FI and not a friend, for starters its his wedding too and it sounds like he is opposed to this idea. Also, he is right, you WILL lose friends, do not forget about that part.

Also, you have not told any of us what you plan to do if "someone flakes", are you going to sue them? Is your intention for this contract to be legally binding, if so, you might want to talk to a lawyer about that, because I am pretty positive it will NOT be binding and will not hold up in court. .
I am really interested in the response to whether or not one would sue their friends.....


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