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Learn from my mistake


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#11 Virg

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    Posted 01 May 2009 - 10:23 AM

    My FI parent's aren't contributing, but his grand parents will probably give us a nice $ gift. My parents have been very generous. So we try to avoid the topic, so as to not make anyone feel awkward. I think it is the best strategy.
    Happily Ever After: June 1, 2006
    Made it legal : June 30, 2009


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    #12 jawedding

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      Posted 02 May 2009 - 12:45 PM

      Ugh.. I agree. I would rather not talk about it at all. Realistically, we don't expect anything from anybody.. doing a DW was our choice, and it will cost our families a few dollars just to come! That said, it is appreciated when people want to contribute! My parents have given us a dollar amount, his parents have said that they have decided on an amount, but haven't told us what it is yet. It might be a gift after the wedding, and while I would love to know earlier, and be able to use the money and relax a little bit about a few things, an after gift will be useful too (esp. for paying off those credit card bills!). After reading this thread though, I will definitely not be telling either side how much the other side is contributing! I'm not sure how easy this will be though, because I KNOW they will ask... any ideas for how to delicately manage this? My mother and I are quite close and I know she will want to know, and not understand me not wanting to tell her.. and it will be a big deal to her if they are contributing more (which I doubt will happen), but I don't want her to feel like she's not doing enough.. ok enough rambling.
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      #13 bride7474

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        Posted 02 May 2009 - 12:47 PM

        My friend warned me about a similar situation that she got into with her parents and her FIs parents. When I first got engaged, I basically told my parents that my FI and I were going to pay and have our wedding the way we wanted it!

        #14 jawedding

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          Posted 02 May 2009 - 01:04 PM

          I told my parents that too.. but because my FI and I are just out of school etc., they weren't having that..
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          #15 nina1589

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            Posted 02 May 2009 - 04:32 PM

            My father wouldn't contribute, my mother put money in my account, and asked that I not tell anyone. We will renew our vows in London at Christmas, and the fi's mom and stepdad are paying for that. I just figured I would keep my lips sealed tight.

            #16 destination

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              Posted 03 May 2009 - 02:44 PM

              So far, no probs. Knock on wood. My mom gave a dollar amount at the beginning since she intends to contribute equally to each of her kids' weddings and my bro set the precedent 5 years ago. I was the one who informed fi's parents of this because they are a little more "big spender" types not to mention their guest list is HUGE, so they get it and all is well so far! We'll see how it goes when it comes time to pay for the AHR (what they are helping with)

              #17 Butterflyf369

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                Posted 03 May 2009 - 04:17 PM

                Thanks for the advice. My father as already told me not to tell my mother that's he's paying for it but that's another story.

                #18 canadianadia

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                  Posted 07 May 2009 - 09:09 AM

                  That would be difficult! certainly not how you would want to start your lives together. Thanks for the tip.
                  We told our parents that we are paying for our own wedding, and if they choose to give us anything, that will be considered their wedding gift to us. So far that had worked....we'll see how it goes...

                  #19 sstotz

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                    Posted 07 May 2009 - 09:18 AM

                    We *technically* are paying for it ourselves.

                    My parents made a deal with us. They are putting $15k towards the downpayment on our new house, and gave us the timeshare for our honeymoon, and we are paying for everything on the actual wedding day. His parents threw us a great engagement party, and are taking care of the rehearsal dinner at a very expensive place in Cabo.. it all will even out someday because his parents usually always go above and beyond on all the holidays and everything. Both sides are natural givers, and try not to step on other peoples toes, so I dont foresee any problems in the future.
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                    June 20th, 2009
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                    #20 sunsetbride1

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                      Posted 07 May 2009 - 11:15 AM

                      I am so sorry that you have to deal with that; I remember my sister's wedding was a nightmare bw the two parental sides... his parents and my sister and her DH ended up not paying for things they said they would; so my Dad ended up putting out a lot of extra $$.

                      As difficult as it is for FI & I budgeting; we are super happy that we are paying for everything ourselves. No drama, no muss, no fuss... lol.




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