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Need some expert advice.. to invite or not?

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#1 MissyR

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    Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:18 PM

    Okay ladies my FI has been less thank helpful on this so I am turning to the experts.

    I am having a dilemma with the invitation/STD list. There are 4 girls that I have been friends with since grade school. "A" lives in Maryland and we email and talk regularly and see eachother when we are home for the Holidays. "N" lives in Florida and we talk, email send cards, etc. and I went to spend a week with her last year etc. The other two live in Toronto "J" and "M"

    Now "J" is getting married in Punta Cana in June and invited all four of us. I have decided to invite "J" "N" and "A" but really haven't spoken or seen "M" in almost 3 three years. I had decided I wasn't going to invite her - FI doesn't like her husband at all - they got married 4 or 5 years ago and we were invited but it was a totally different situation - I mean she lives iin the same city and I don't even speak to her.

    Now I am feeling that if she's the only one not invited to Mexico it might cause I ripple in the group but I don't want to invite her.

    Should I just send her an invite anyway? SHe is going to "J"s wedding in June so unlikely that she would attend in any event but not sure I even want to extend the invite..


    #2 Alyssa

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      Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:27 PM

      Melissa, i am not one for obligation but in this particular case, i would probably invite her!

      #3 starchild



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        Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:28 PM

        I'm not sure what the popular answer will be, but I say if you aren't in communication with M that she doesn't need an invite. A wedding isn't the best place for a reunion since you'll have so many other people to divide your attention. Plus, for us, our guests were people who have supported our love/watched us grow so we wanted them there to witness our marriage. If it makes waves maybe it will get her to call you and rekindle a friendship lost, if she is angry then who needs her anyway. I say no.

        #4 LisaG

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          Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:30 PM

          I would have to say invite her also, to keep the peace. She probably would not come, since she is going to "J"'s wedding.

          #5 DreaW

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            Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:37 PM

            I would say to not invite her and maybe explain it to the other girls, I'm sorry I don't really know. No help

            #6 Adrianna

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              Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:54 PM

              That is a tough situation, but one you knew would happen sooner or later during the wedding planning. Personally, I would invite her. Put the decision on her, you are going to be so busy with everyone else and if you don't she will show, at least you made the effort. If she does come, it shouldn't make that much of a difference, you don't need to cater to her, just have a good time, say hello, and remember it's your day.

              #7 Virg

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                Posted 21 February 2008 - 12:59 PM

                Hey! I am kind of in the same boat. I have a few friends that have mostly turned to acquaintances through out the year. If she knows that you are getting married in a DW, and has not expressed (either to you or a thrid source) that she is either 'so excited for you' or she 'can't wait to go' etc. I would not invite her, per se, but I would send her a STD card indicating that she should RSVP on your website. That way if there is any reprimand from the group, you can say that she didn't show any interest.

                Hope this helps!
                Happily Ever After: June 1, 2006
                Made it legal : June 30, 2009


                #8 Celina

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                  Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:04 PM

                  I agree with the others and suggest you send her the invite. If she is mad for some reason, then maybe she won't go! Since your time is going to be divided among all, you really dont' need to say much to them anyway.

                  To avoid the ripple in the group I'd say invite. Also, if you did see her later after the wedding at another function, there isn't that awkwardness.
                  "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

                  #9 ErinB


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                    Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:06 PM

                    I think you do need to send the obligatory invite just to keep the peace.

                    This just happened to me recently, where 2 of us were invited and 2 not. It don't go over well with the other 2.

                    #10 Sarah


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                      Posted 21 February 2008 - 01:07 PM

                      I guess I always consider the worst case scenario when making decisions like this.

                      So... if you invite her, what's the worst that could happen? Is she unpleasant and you would have a bad time at your wedding because she was there? If so definitely DON'T invite her.

                      If you DON'T invite her, what's the worst that would happen with your friends? Will they be really pissed? How important is that to you- or would they be understanding of the situation.

                      I guess you have to weigh what's worse- how bad of a time she'd cause you (if she even shows up) against how bad it would hurt your friendships with the other girls if she's not invited.

                      Personally, I had a "it's my way or the highway" approach to my wedding and I have no regrets. I didn't invite a bunch or random people just to have a bigger guest list and I'm really happy I only had the most important people in the world there on my special day. Just my $0.02...

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