There is not a 35 guest limit for the ceremony. They will not charge you for guests over 35. Most of the ceremony locations can easily handle 120 guests or more. No extra charges.
As far as the free private events for 75+ room nights goes, you should not have to pay for the events ahead of time. Many of us had this question/concern and it has been confirmed by a wedding coordinator and posted in this thread, you will NOT have to pay for the events ahead of time and wait for a refund. If you qualify for the free private events by getting 75+ room nights, you can book events without paying ahead of time.
If you have your room booked through the resort, and not a 3rd party TA, you will most likely need to pay for your room in full, and then will get refunded the free 7 nights post travel. It usually takes a few weeks or more.
I would too be frustrated about having little to no contact 70 days out. I specifically flew to MP 15 months before our wedding date in order to meet with a coordinator in person and lock in our locations right then and there.
I would not be worried about an extra seating charge for more than 35 guests. That 35 persons limit only applies to the dinner reservation, which is not even needed if you qualify for unlimited free events.