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I Really Need MIL Advice Please!

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#11 MaggieandJay

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    Posted 22 June 2010 - 05:28 PM

    Agreed with the ladies and having a FMIL that it took the first 3-4 years of my relationship to win over, Let him handle it
    Maggie and Jay GOT married on May 15th 2011 at Azul Sensatori. Best International Wedding EVER!

    #12 diamondpooch

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      Posted 22 June 2010 - 06:30 PM

      Do not send that email....IMHO. It's his responsibility to deal with his mother. In the end he needs to stand up for your relationship. If he does that it will represent your relationship more than if you just went it guns-a-blazing. This is his problem to solve. Sounds like he has your back though!

      #13 Sax Lady

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        Posted 22 June 2010 - 06:41 PM

        i'm in agreement with the other ladies dont send the letter because in the end it will probably backfire on you especially if she doent like you. He probably just needs time and then he probably will be able to talk with his family.

        #14 MSBRANDI

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          Posted 22 June 2010 - 08:12 PM

          No, I wouldn't say anything either. Let him handle it.

          #15 Hopelesslyblissful

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            Posted 22 June 2010 - 08:15 PM

            I am in agreement with everyone else. Sending the e-mail will fuel the fire. I DEFINITELY think it is up to him to discuss this with his mother and let her know himself how he feels about them not coming.
            My FI didn't have ANYONE from his side of the family coming (not his parents, sisters, cousins..) and his parents kept getting on our back about how they wanted to see their son get married, but they didn't plan on coming. Finally afew weeks ago he let it all out and explained to his mom how hurt he was that they weren't coming and didn't seem to be supporting us AT ALL and how heartbreaking that was to him and how angry it made him since we have them over a year notice!!
            Last week his mom and auntie booked :)

            I say let your FI hash it out with his parents..maybe they will change their mind in the end..mine did :) Good luck...I hope they do decide to come and be a part of your special day!!

            ~19 Booked Plus Bride & Groom~

            #16 jk1101

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              Posted 22 June 2010 - 09:40 PM

              Originally Posted by KimmyD
              My FI and I just found out my in-laws will not be attending.We think it is because she has decided not to like me. (She does not like any of her sons wives or girlfriends) Although my wonderful FI really thought she would love me, he was dumbfounded that she did not. (I am sooo lucky!) I was thinking of sending this email, I am not sure I should or what it should say. Here it is:

              I am sorry that you have chosen not to attend our wedding. I was told that you had other plans. We were engaged March 17, 2009, we sent out our save the dates with 9 months notice. I simply cannot comprehend what could possibly be more important than seeing your son get married. You have really hurt Mike with this decision. Mike's reaction to this has surprised me, he is extremely angry. This wedding location was picked out by Mike, this is very important to him, he has been planning this thing right from the start. This is also an opportunity for you to meet my side of the family and our very dear friends who will be attending. It seems that Mike's side of the family will be solely represented by Seth. Thanks goodness one person from his family cares enough to be there for him. This is the start of a wonderful new life for us.

              Help Ladies, Please!


              I know you are so hurt that your future in laws aren't coming and the thought that they might not like you is an awful one. I have to agree with all of the other ladies that sending this note will only things worse and not better. Your FI needs to speak with them to find out what the situation is. He's the one that knows them and how to deal with them best. Weddings, whether they are Destination are not, are times when you sometimes find out the worst about people. Let him handle this.

              Good luck!

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 22 June 2010 - 09:53 PM

                I agree with all the others too! That's a dangerous email to send- even if she doesn't like you already. Remember- you aren't just marrying the man. The family comes with so don't just think about the wedding but long term relationship with your ILs. This is a good way to really draw that line and give her a reason to not like you. I wouldn't do that if I were you because keeping the peace will make life SO much more enjoyable.

                While I'm sure you want to fight for your FI and trust me, I do to, but in this situation, he needs to deal with it.
                Happily married since 2008

                #18 sunstarsmoon

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                  Posted 23 June 2010 - 07:41 AM

                  I agree with everyone else, don't send the email, it will make things worse. MIL is going to have to live with her decisions for the rest of her life. I know no matter if I like my sons future wife I would be there for him.
                  July 8, 2011, Couples Sans Souci Ocho Rios, Jamaica

                  #19 roo66

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                    Posted 23 June 2010 - 07:57 AM

                    I was told many years ago never write anything that may be used as evidence against you.I think this may well be the case here.
                    How about killing her with kindness!!!! Invite her to come pick your dress cos you know she cant be with you on your wedding day be clever she may say shes busy SOOOO let her pick the day.
                    Ask her what flowers she had on her wedding day what traditions did she use you would like to combine your mums and hers into your day.Be prepared for some knock backs but imagine how hard she will find it to not come on board if you really do kill here with kindness.
                    Maybe she has some jewelry or lace. photos of her parents on there wedding day that you could use alongside a photo of her on her wedding day that you want to place at the wedding.
                    Theres more ways to skin a cat give it a try xxxxx

                    #20 KimmyD

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                      Posted 23 June 2010 - 08:14 AM

                      Thanks so much for the great advice, You have no idea how much it helped just writing the letter. I am not going to send it, I am not sure I ever was. It hurts that they are not coming no matter what the reason. I am so glad I found this forum, I feel like I have some great support here. We will see what happens, I will talk to my FI again and see if he feels like sharing how he feels with them. Maybe they will change their minds. I will let everyone know what happens. :)

                      Thanks Bunches!

                      28 Booked + Bride & Groom
                      78 Room Nights!

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