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He wants out...

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69 replies to this topic

#21 wendyjd

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  • 968 posts

    Posted 04 June 2010 - 11:49 PM

    I am so sorry to hear you are going thru this. Best of luck to you and your FI. I am glad you are going to a counsellor. You will be in my thoughts.

    #22 LA923

    • Jr. Member
    • 200 posts

      Posted 05 June 2010 - 08:20 AM

      I'm so sorry to hear this, I agree with everything the other girls said and I think you need to work on communicating with each other. Best of luck with your therapist. Everything will work out for the best.

      #23 Mischaka

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      • 969 posts

        Posted 05 June 2010 - 09:22 AM

        I'm really sorry you are going through this. My FI went through this stage and it's harder for a man in this kind of situation. Men were raised to be a provider of the family and when he can't it's hard on him. Just as it would be if a woman couldn't have kids because we are the nurturers. The best thing you can do for him is to just be there and keep reminding him that you are in it for the long run no matter what. You are ready to put those vows in effect even before the actual wedding. "for richer or poorer"! I'm not sure of your whole situation but maybe there is a way to maybe help him look for work. Keep talking to the mc and keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully it all works out.

        #24 hockeymom97

        • Sr. Member
        • 2,458 posts

          Posted 05 June 2010 - 10:04 AM

          Was just checking in to see how everything went last night with the therapist?? I'm really hoping it was productive for both of you :)
          Heather & Eric ~ May 5th, 2011 ~ Beaches Turks & Caicos

          #25 khomac

          • Jr. Member
          • 380 posts

            Posted 05 June 2010 - 12:40 PM

            Just wanted to see how you were doing. I think all you can do is to reassure him that you love him, need him, respect him and appreciate him. Find anything you can to compliment him on or thank him for. Even if it's something like bringing in the groceries. He needs to feel important, like he matters. He obviously loves you.

            I think it's important for you to try to understand what he's going through. Don't yell/nag/criticize him. His problems have nothing to do with you so don't take it personally. Be there for him. Be patient, kind and respectful.
            Kelly & Pablo

            Michael and Phil Steingard are located in Ontario, but travel to Punta Cana quite often during the year. There is a good chance they will be down already during your wedding week, so this will cut travel costs

            #26 mexico102

            • Jr. Member
            • 300 posts

              Posted 05 June 2010 - 02:01 PM

              Everything is going to work it self out just as it is supposed to, I truely believe that. If you guys are meant to be together it will be. Maybe not the way you initially have planned but it will be. Keep you chin up. Always remember that you are woman of strength and dignity. Not one person on this earth holds the key to your happiness----you do!!!
              Don't worry about your guest if you have to postpone or cancel. The people who truely love and care about you guys will want whatever is best for you both--the rest you shouldn't give a **** about anyway! LOL


              #27 knitgirl13

              • Jr. Member
              • 276 posts

                Posted 05 June 2010 - 02:35 PM

                I hope you're doing well.

                #28 diamondpooch

                • Member
                • 546 posts

                  Posted 05 June 2010 - 05:06 PM

                  So sorry to hear you are going through this. There is nothing worse than one day being amidst the high of planning and being so close to your wedding, and the next day having the entire thing fall out from underneath you. You are in my prayers.
                  I agree with some of the other posters: first and foremost this man is your best friend. If he is considering suicide, then stop the presses....the only thing that matters is getting him out of his depression. You want his health for him and you also want the happiest possible fiancee on the day of your wedding. You want all this FOR HIM cuz you love him.
                  Although it is good that you are going to counseling, in my experience, all counselors do is allow you to talk, but sometimes you are left with no solutions since most of them try to allow you to come to conclusions on your own. So, don't put all your eggs in that basket. I think if you sit him down and let him know that you don't believe in or rely too much on the whole "the man is the main provider" blah blah, and let him know that you two are a team and you have his back you will make him feel better. Also maybe point out a time when you felt less than great about yourself and how he had your back. And I would go out of my way on a dailty basis to shower him with compliments, too!
                  And whatever you do DON'T think too much about canceling on all your guests. Obviously, it stinks to have to cancel and you will feel bad (especially if they lose money on the trip), but you have to worry about your relationship first and foremost, because after all , it's not just about the DAY of your wedding, it's about a marriage, and anyone who loves you will respect that.
                  In the end TRUST YOUR GUT. Believe in your ability to know what's right for you. You only get one life and so does he. Make sure getting married right now is what's best for both your lives before you move forward.
                  Best of luck to you. Keep us posted.

                  #29 mlabbe

                  • Member
                  • 784 posts

                    Posted 05 June 2010 - 05:22 PM

                    I hope that things are better now. Sometimes talking really helps.

                    I was in a very similar situation before our civil ceremony. DH had the SADS really bad and was quite depressed, so it didn't make anything easy. Everything was a fight, he was blowing everything out of proportion and was quite mean. I sat him down and I told him how I felt. Once he realized what he had been doing to me, things got better. But talking to him, I figured out that a lot of the anger and other issues was just coming from him being scared. Getting married is a big deal and he was scared, so he was trying to find a way out *without* really wanting out, if that makes sense? I can't really explain it, but while he wanted to marry me he just didn't know if he could ever give me everything I deserved and felt that he wasn't good enough to be with me. I reassured him. I even wrote the entire civil ceremony text to say things like I was accepting him for who he is.

                    We've been through really tough patches but in the ends it works out. It's not always going to be easy. But you two have managed thus far, you can make it through this! Just be patient and supportive and open with your feelings.

                    Good luck!

                    #30 JanineA

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 2,482 posts

                      Posted 05 June 2010 - 05:46 PM

                      Hi Jenna, just thought I would check back in to see how the counseling is going. If anything new came to light and see how you were holding up. You're both in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted.

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