Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
JennandMike08

He wants out...

Recommended Posts

I am going stir crazy. Its three months before our wedding and FI still has not been able to secure a job. He wrote me a long letter yesterday saying he is depressed and wants out of the wedding. He says he hasn't been able to provide for me the way a man should and its crazy that he can't do the things for me that he wants to. He says he has even thought about suicide. He's been doing little things to push me away and I got mad two days ago and didn't talk to him. We haven't spoken since the day before yesterday. We have an emergency appointment tonight with our pre-marital counselor. I'm both angry (pissed off) and sad, but trying to be empathetic. I don't know what its like to be a man without a job, trying to provide for a family. The issue isn't money because although we have one income, I make a decent amount to pay our bills. He says its more about being a man and I would never understand. I don't know how to approach this because part of me things its an excuse to get out, so I haven't said a word to him and he hasn't spoken to me either. Hopefully we can get some insight with our therapist tonight. She was on vacation so we haven't seen her in three weeks. In those three weeks we have undone everything she has worked us through.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that you are able to work things out in whatever way is best for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having to go through this 3 months before your wedding.

 

If it were me, I would put my wedding on hold until things are where they need to be between me and my fiance. I know it's hard but it just seems that his mind isn't right, right now. I think for a man, they want to be able to provide for their family and when the woman is "taking on the man role" they feel defeated. Like what is wrong with me? Why can't I get a job or why can't I take care of her? If you guys are really meant to be, things will work out. Ultimately, you are the one that knows him best. It could be that he's just overwhelmed or has a serious case of cold feet.

 

I wish you the best of luck and I hope that things work out for you in the end.

 

-Norma

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry to hear this! Men tend to break down if they cant provide for there families. They get moody when they dont have money. They handle stress differently than us. You guys are doing the right thing by going to talk to your therapist. I dont know how spiritual you guys are but prayer definitely works. Did you ever read Steve Harver's book "Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man"? He touches on this subject alot in his book. He says a real man will do everything in his power to provide for his woman. So your FI is probably having issues with the fact that he is unable to do so. That is definitely understandable. I pray that you guys can work through this situation!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m so sorry! Men are definitely sensitive when it comes to money. I think it is good that you guys are going to go talk to someone. Maybe you should consider postponing the wedding for now. If he is really depressed about money and not being able to provide for his family, getting married and stepping in as your husband might be putting too much pressure on him since he doesn’t have a job and isn’t able to provide the way he feels a husband should be able to. And if he is having cold feet, then again the wedding is putting more pressure on him and it might be good to push back the wedding and try and work through some things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So sorry to hear you're going through this! I agree with the other girls. You may want to get everything right get your foundation back as a couple before proceednig to a wedding.

 

Just use good communication with him and understand he's stressed, if he wants to marry you, you'll work it out. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear you are going through this right now. I agree with what all has been said though. You may want to hold off on the wedding until everything is good again, and men have a tendency to become that way when they can't provide for their family, it's very important to them that they be able to be the provider.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As scary as it seems right now Jenna, this is a big red flag. Getting married won't magically make things better, and if anything, the extra pressure could really make things worse. There's no crime in post-poning the wedding until you're both ready -- people do it all the time! Continue with the counselling and see where that leads you. It's the best thing for both of you right now. Good luck and please let us know how you're doing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@SororD1 I did read that book, so I can try to understand where he is coming from. He is trying everything he can.

 

At the other ladies thanks for the support. We have 20 people booked so far and I cannot imagine having to postpone everything. That will not be fun because I know my family will not understand what he is going through.

What makes me so angry about it is that I ASKED him over and over after he lost his job. I supposed he thought he would be back on his feet by now. Even when I finished the invitations two months ago I asked "are you sure"...when I was at the mailbox putting them in I asked "are you sure".....he said yes...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • Hello, I'm new to this site. I got engaged already and get married by next year. I have some doubts regarding our dating destination. Hope you will help me. Thank You!
    • Hello everyone,
      Well, this upcoming valentine's day is special for me because I got engaged and planning to spend the day with my fiance. I'm planning to give her an ethical jumpsuit.

      Other than that I have been searching the internet for some nice discounted coupons and searched among my friends and found different sites. Now, we are looking forward to that wonderful day. We searched a lot and found out, Escape The City. Orangeville is a great place for a day trip or weekend gateway from Toronto.
      Theatre Orangeville is offering a weekend package that includes 2 tickets to a Live performance at the theatre, Premium Overnight Accommodations at Best Western Plus Orangeville Inn and Suites and $75 Downtown Wine and Dine Voucher which is valid at select Downtown restaurants, and Free Entry to the scenic Trails & Bridges of Island Lake.

      We are so excited and eagerly waiting for that day.
      If anyone has got any other suggestions for the venue, kindly share your thoughts/ideas.
      Thank You!
       
    • Please tell me, the best wedding venue in Saskatoon, SK.
    • Hey everyone! Like the others here, I'm interested in wedding reception, venue and all related steps & stuff. Starting with my first and the most important note is that we're international couple and we need to think of bilingual wedding. So the first thing we need to think of is whether it will be interpretation or 2 different venue coordinators, sermons and stuff? What is your experience, what could be the best and affordable solution? From googling the issue I've found this Interactio app team ( describing possible solution here  http://blog.interactio.io/case-study-weddings )Basically they offer to hold the venue in the main language, additionally providing simultaneous interpretation online to other quest's mobile phones. Looks like really easy and creative idea. What about the others? How did you solve this kind of obstacle? Any additional advises would be very welcomed here  
  • Topics

×