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Megan24

Feeling guilty

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I know everyone says it is my wedding and do what you want. But I am really starting to realize how expensive it is going to be for our guest to go to Mexico. I am starting to feel guilty asking my family and friends to pay about a 1000 dollars or more on a weekend. I know it will be a vacation for them. Has any of your brides feel this way or felt this way? Am I just worrying to much?

How are you keeping the price of your wedding down for your guest? Any info or suggestion would be wonderful.

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I'm a worry wart -I sometimes feel this way. We really are excited about our DW but we do realize ppl will be paying lots to attend. I'm planning to do group travel- maybe that will help to keep the price down. I also realize that whoever can't afford it just won't come. We will understand.

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I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but just remind yourself that it's your wedding and you and you FI should do what is best for the two of you. Some people pick a location so that friends and family almost don't have an excuse NOT to come (like they all live within 60 miles), and that is fine and their choice. No matter where you have your wedding or how much it costs, some will come and some won't. As long as you accept that and understand that people may not be able to come solely because of the cost, you can try to let the guilt go.

 

You could also tell guests that their "presence is your present" and they do not need to send gifts?

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I can tell you that I drove myself sick for the last week trying to find cheap rates and feeling guilty that people would have to spend money and all that stuff that comes along with it. And then I said to myself am I having something so that all my guests will be happy or am i doing what will make my fiance and I happiest. I was a maid of honor 3 times, and a bridesmaid like 6 times and noone ever asked me do i mind spending $900 on a disgusting dress? or do I mind going here & there and everywhere. One of my friends had like 3 bachelorette parties altogether that ofcourse like a good friend I went to...and these are all the same people that are giving me grief about what I am doing. So in speaking to my fiances friends(who are all amazing) and through a similiar post I put on here..I realized you have to do what makes you happy because people will compain no matter what. You worry about you..and if you matter enough they will come, and if you don't then why should u rearrange your wedding for those people anyway? AMEN! now I have to learn to practice what I preach lol

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i totally felt/sometimes feel the same way. a lot of our friends are just out of school, and our families are fairly moderate. but in the end, we chose the dw because it was easier for us to keep it small, and my fiancee & i ended up paying about 5X less than we would have if we'd stayed in town. our family & friends seemed to recognize this when we explained our reasoning. we also let our guests that they had the option of to just staying at the resort the night we're getting married (at the riu have to have that 80% wink.gif ) if that would be more affordable for them.

 

that being said, when we sent out our save the dates, we stated that we knew not everyone who wanted to come would be able to make it, but we'd be hosting an informal reception upon our return with pictures, food, etc. people seemed to be really excited by this.

 

best of luck!

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I was going through these same feelings. We are doing a cruise for 3-days and although it is pretty reasonable, a lot of my friends will have to fly too. I totally went through the guilty feeling over money, but I came to the same realization as karenk77. I am just asking my guests to spend their money differently than they had me spend mine. My fiance and I have been in several weddings, and by the time you add up the costs of the bachelor/bachelorette parties, travel to the wedding, hotels at the wedding, wedding gifts, buying the bridesmaid gift and getting the hair done, etc. it comes out to be the same - your spending is just more spread out this way instead of all at once for a trip. I am trying to eliminate all the other stuff, so all my guests have to spend money on is the wedding. I think it turns out to be a much better deal for them because they also get a cool vacation out of the wedding instead of going to some lame suburb of Philadelphia or something.

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We also felt guilty about the cost for people to come to our wedding b/c we knew how expensive it would be to travel to Europe (especially with the rate of the Euro) so we provided accommodations to everyone who was coming. We rented out our entire location for the week so that we would have exclusive access and said that everyone could stay there with us at no cost and that all they had to worry about was airfare and any food, drinks and excursions they may want to take.

 

I also was constantly checking on airfare rates and sending out emails when the prices looked good. I was even able to find flights from JFK to the airport nearest our destination for as low as $497 (that includes all taxes and fees) per person. No one jumped on that deal. I could do all the legwork for them, but if they don't actually accept it, then it was their loss.

 

That was the most we could do to ease the burden of the cost of coming to our wedding.

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I felt guilty about our decision to do a DW in the beginning, but then I realized that this day was about us and our love for each other. If it only ends up being the two of us standing on the beach in Jamaica exchanging vows we know we'll be happy. We love our family and friends and we understand that some will not be able to make it, but we also know that they will continue to love and support us no matter what. They have been behind us 100% in our choice to go away and so far those who are the most important to us will be there with us.

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