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Awkward wedding/roommate situation

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#1 *kellis*

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    Posted 13 August 2009 - 09:57 PM

    I just need to be able to vent on this. And find out if I am completely off in thinking that this is the weirdest way to plan a wedding ever.

    So, a little background, my FI and I live with roommates, one of which got engaged around the same time as we did. We aren't that terribly close but I've known her for quite awhile and have been roommates about a year. We all moved into this 3 bedroom apartment from a 3 br house(she started dating her FI around the same time) about 5 months ago and since then things have just gotten weird.
    I think we're all just too many people to be living in this apartment, her FI stays over practically every day and they keep to themselves but we get "notes" on the fridge once in awhile with little snide remarks about doing the dishes etc. Thinks have just soured and it's just weird now.

    So, when they first started planning their wedding, I offered to help and things were fine then and I just figured we would probably be invited to their wedding or at least their reception. I didn't assume, because (planning a small wedding ourselves I understand you can't invite everyone) but I just thought they probably would and I added them to our tentative guestlist, even though they will have moved to L.A. by the time of our wedding.
    They're wedding date is October 16th 2009, this year. And obviously they're planning it very quickly. But because we all aren't really at home at the same time, we don't really talk about wedding planning anymore. So I don't know if they have invitations sent etc.
    The last couple weeks I've just kinda resigned myself to the fact that we all aren't really happy living together(but it could be way worse) and that they probably weren't inviting us to their wedding, whatever, I'm not gonna cry about it.

    Now this is where it gets really weird.

    A month ago they made a Facebook group and invited people to join it and put their addresses on there so that they could get sent invitations. I thought this was just, odd considering it wasn't a completely private group so every one of their Facebook friends could see it on their pages but as far as I could tell they only invited some of their friends online(myself being one of them, even tho, um, we live with them so they obviously don't need our address).
    I thought this was strange but whatever, maybe they just don't realize how it could look to some people.

    A couple days ago, and every day since, my roommate's facebook status has been, "our RSVP site is finally up and working" with the link to it. I took a look at it and anyone could RSVP basically but there is no information on where or when(other than the date) the wedding is.
    Again, strange but maybe she doesn't realize that she is basically inviting anyone on her facebook to her wedding lol.

    So now I'm in a weird place. I don't know whether to RSVP for their wedding, if we are even invited. And if we don't go, will the next two months that we all live together still until our lease up be even worse?
    And then today I get invitation (in the mail)to her bridal shower at the end of this month. It's at her parent's house but I don't know if they are throwing it or if she is. All that's on there is the address to her parent's(without even saying it's her parent's home) the date of it, and that she is registered at target and bed, bath, and beyond.
    So do I need to go to that

    Because honestly, right now I don't really feel like inviting them to our wedding considering our friendship is really nothing more than just knowing each other so long and living in the same house. And I don't really feel like attending her bridal shower and buying her something when I don't even know if they have invited us to the wedding!

    Sorry, I just realized I've written a book. But I'm so confused. This is ridiculous. I have my own wedding to worry about.
    (Formerly "Future Mrs. Kt Ellis")

    I love being a wife!

    #2 Ginalyn

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      Posted 13 August 2009 - 10:17 PM

      Ummm....I think you are not wrong about it being weird. I was weirded out just by reading it! Who in the world invites people to their wedding on Facebook, LOL! Do you and your roommate speak or see each other around at all? Maybe you could just casually ask her how all the wedding planning is coming along...and then maybe she will open up and give you more hints as to whether or not she actually sent out invites.

      #3 *Lo*

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        Posted 13 August 2009 - 10:21 PM

        Wow that is so awkward and weird!!!

        I don't even know what to say except since they are moving anyway, you could approach her and say "hey biatch, I got this shower invite in the mail but I never received an invitation to your wedding. Am I invited? Or are you just the most awkward tacky person out there?"

        Ok that would be my response but should that not be your style, maybe in a different way just be upfront about it and ask if you are invited! Clearly it's weird cause time has passed. But what do you really have to lose? The worst she says is sorry we're having a really small wedding blah blah blah and then you can just go ahead and RSVP "no" to the shower and take her off your invite list!

        It could be that she just overlooked it and figured you would just assume you were invited since you are roommates and have known each other awhile!!

        #4 *Lo*

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          Posted 13 August 2009 - 10:23 PM

          I was weirded out reading that also!!!

          #5 Amarillis

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            Posted 14 August 2009 - 09:15 AM

            What a weird situation. I have never heard of inviting people to a wedding via facebook. And sending shower invites before the wedding invites is like putting the cart before the horse.... just ridiculous.

            I wouldn't be RSVP'ing to the wedding, and would wait to see if she approaches you about attending the shower... leave it in her court... the girl is obviously weird.

            #6 josee

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              Posted 14 August 2009 - 11:06 AM

              Wow what a weird situation!!

              #7 jajajaja

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                Posted 14 August 2009 - 11:29 AM

                Ok, it is all a little strange, but maybe she just assumed that you would know you were invited to the wedding. I thought it might be a possibility that they sent out invites to people but then she updated her facebook status to remind everyone to RSVP. I don't know. If I were you, I would just straight up ask her. Just casually say "Hey, I got a bridal shower invite but I never received one for the wedding. Are we invited?" While that conversation will be really awkward if she says "no," I don't think hard feelings could come out of it. I mean- it sounds like you really don't want to go and you don't want to invite her to yours.

                Good luck though!. :)
                Happily married since 2008

                #8 Kristy!


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                  Posted 14 August 2009 - 11:54 AM

                  Am I the only one who normally receives shower invitations before wedding invitations? Traditionally wedding invitations go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, so if the shower is at the end of the month, of course you'd get that invite first. I didn't find that part weird at all.

                  What is weird is the whole Facebook thing. I don't even know what to say about that. I would just let her know that by creating a public group, anyone can RSVP to her wedding. She may not realize that. What a strange way to do things though.

                  #9 autjo

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                    Posted 14 August 2009 - 12:03 PM

                    The FB things are totally weird. Like others have mentioned maybe you should tell her that it is a public thing.

                    #10 jajajaja

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                      Posted 14 August 2009 - 12:09 PM

                      I guess the other thing too Kristy is that so many people now send Save the Dates out so now that you mention I have received shower invites prior to wedding invites. However, I clearly knew I was invited because in those cases I had a save the date.

                      I'm kinda thinking that the facebook thing is just to encourage another outlet of RSVPing. I could be wrong. I've had people send invites to me for showers (baby and bridal now) providing a number to call and RSVP. But then I end up getting invited to the event via facebook, which you can RSVP too. I think in those cases some people are using mutliple ways to get an answer because so many people do NOT RSVP.

                      As for the addresses viewed by the facebook group- I think it's weird but it happens. My 10 yr high school reunion was this year and they had a facebook group trying to track down people. People were posting other's addresses and phone numbers and I was like HELLOOOO- privacy. It also asked people to reply with their address, which I didn't but many did.
                      Happily married since 2008

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