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Feelings on invting kids to evening do when FB+FG have child?

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10 replies to this topic

#1 gaynasmith24

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    Posted 17 January 2009 - 08:59 AM

    Hi, I have seen similar threads but they do not help with my particular dilema. We are have a evening recepion when we get bach from mexco and if we invited kids of all our friends and families the numbers would just be crazy, because our daughter will be nearly 3 we were considering inviting just a few of her friends and the children that came to mexico as those are the ones whose parents will have to tavel again to come to our evening do, this however means that we will not be initing many other children and were wondering if we would offend anyone as there will be some children there? I know I wouldn't be offended if our DD was not invited to a wedding in fact we would relish going on our own but just wondered what oter peoples view were?

    #2 ErinB


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      Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:27 PM

      I would not advise doing this.

      It is poor etiquette to only invite some children and not others. Were you going to print up two sets of invites, one that says "adult reception" and another that doesn't specify.

      In the long run it could cause some strain to your relationships with friends and family. Think of how you would feel if you were told not to bring your daughter somewhere, but when you got there, other kids were running around.

      As far as driving numbers up, most kids don't really count as people, KWIM? One child will not eat and drink like an adult will. If you are having a hall/caterer they should base your rates on the number of kids & adults. So you want food for 125 adults and 30 kids.

      If you will have a lot of kids, you might want to consider a Kid's food and activity table. Have PB&J sandwiches, fruits, goldfish crackers, etc. Have some small beachy toys, some coloring books etc. You might also want to hire a babysitter to oversee these activities.

      #3 gaynasmith24

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        Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:34 PM

        It was more because we didn't want 50 kids running around which is the number we would have to invite, not to do with the cost but I didn't want to be tripping over them in my dress and my partner didn't want that many there as have been to a wedding previously with a similar number of kids where you spent the whole night tripping over them, on the other hand we didn't want our daughter to be the only child, we were not going to put adults only on the invite but just have the adult names on invites and make it known that if it meant they couldn't come as wouldn't be able to come without children then they could bring them.

        #4 Debs

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          Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:50 PM

          This is just me, but if it's an adult party it should be adults only, even your daughter. That way you can relax and have a good time and no one is offended. If your friends/family can't find a sitter then the don't come.

          OR if you have people coming out of town that have kids, offer to hire a couple of babysitters at your house or an alternate location, so the kids are looked after and the parents can have a good time and know their kids are safe.

          My friend got married last year, here ceremony/reception started at 8pm and specifically no kids were invited. Well her cousin showed up with her 5 year old, because her sitter crapped out last minute. WTF, who does that first of all. And second, during the reception, the kid started carrying on on the dancefloor, making a scene etc. My friend was SO pissed off. That was the very reason she didn't invite kids. I was so dissapointed for her.

          #5 HotTamale

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            Posted 17 January 2009 - 12:58 PM

            This situation could stir the pot for problems...especially when others find out only a "select" few children or "under age" are invited. I recommend having an adult only party.

            In my opinion, those who came to the wedding with their children should not get offended if they're not invited to this event. It can simply be explained that this is for all adults that were unable to attend the DW. This is more easily explained then having to explain why some children were invited and others not.

            It is very bad etiqutte if you choose otherwise. The attendees at your DW will more than likely not be offended with this offering since thier children celebrated in that event.

            Congratulations, and good luck with planning.

            #6 Jennifer Davis

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              Posted 17 January 2009 - 01:02 PM

              I think you have to go all or nothing on the kids thing.

              If it were me, I would have an adults only evening reception. It'll give the adults time to have a nice night out without having to worry about taking care of the children while trying to have fun and party like rockstars!

              #7 sunsetbride1

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                Posted 17 January 2009 - 07:10 PM

                While I can understand where you are coming from; you are going to probably make a lot of people upset if you only invite "certain children". That's just not proper and makes it seem like you think that their children can't behave. This would be a recipe for disaster; even though your intentions are good.

                I agree with the others that you have to go all or nothing. Just have an adults only reception (no children at all!) and arrange for babysitting or nanny service during it.

                #8 FutureMrsLewis

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                  Posted 18 January 2009 - 01:36 PM

                  When I was younger my parents would get invited to a LOT of weddings, and 95% of them were adults only, so I could never go. But of that 95%, about 50% of them actually allowed other children, and my parents would always be rotted with the couple because they'd have five year olds running around causing a scene and screaming their heads off and their 12/13 year old daughter wasn't allowed to go. So I agree with everyone else, it's all or nothing, because if you only invite some, there's definitely someone who's going to be very upset, especially if they had to pay for a babysitter for their well-behaved 10 year old while so-and-so's 4 year old runs around like a maniac and tears the hall apart.

                  Just my .02 :)

                  #9 happygilmore

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                    Posted 18 January 2009 - 02:21 PM

                    We recently received an invitation that stated something like " we are asking that children be limited to immediate family members of the Bride and Groom" that way kids can still be invited and you can include your daughter, which I am going to assume is important to you. I am not sure if immediate family is who you are referring to when it comes to the other children but hopefully this helps.

                    Also, I don't have kids but I wasn't offended by it and I can't see how anyone could be offended by what I wrote above.

                    #10 wayneswifey

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                      Posted 25 January 2009 - 02:05 AM

                      I don't think it's a good idea at all. I would be very offended if I felt like my son was being left out.

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