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#1 lizzie287

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    Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:33 AM

    So I'm relatively new to the forum, but I just was confronted with an unexpected ... umm .. twist .... to the planning of my October 2009 wedding.

    When my fiance proposed, I informed everyone within 2 days of our plan to have an island wedding. Everyone said their congrats, I assumed all was well. I asked my dad and stepmother for their input regarding resorts because they travel AT LEAST twice per year. My stepmother has been in touch quite frequently, mostly pushing the fact that October is hurricane season, and that I should hold out for last minute deals. I've politely said my gut says October in the Dominican, so that's what we're doing, and I'm NOT going to leave a wedding to the last minute. All has been amicable though, and I've taken other suggestions of hers to heart.

    Yesterday I got the biggest shock yet: an email from my dad stating that they will not be able to attend because they already have 2 cruises booked. Ummm... pardon Apparently he's had these cruises booked for a year and a half already (coming from the same couple who wanted me to take advantage of last minute deals for my wedding) and they simply can't afford to come to that as well. To add insult to injury, he states he may or may not come to the reception, depending on when we decide to have it when we get back. As if that wasn't enough, he says "not to rain on your parade, but an island wedding can be very expensive" and that we should just get married at a courthouse at home and then just go on vacation...

    I'm flabbergasted that my own father doesn't want to be at my wedding. I'm an only child so it's not like he's going to have several chances to be at his kids' weddings or anything, not that that would be an excuse. My mom wants me to just not reply to the email and let him stew in his terrible decision... Knowing my dad, that really is the best way to approach it, because frankly, he just doesn't get it. It's not like I wanted him to walk me down the aisle or anything, we aren't really all that close, and frankly he's never really done anything to warrant that honour as far as I'm concerned. But still, I assumed that a year was plenty of notice for something like this, and that he would use this time as one of his vacations.

    I guess what I'm looking for is validation for my feelings. We aren't really close, but it's not like either of us has "disowned" the other or anything like that.

    #2 edssbride09

    • Jr. Member
    • 233 posts

      Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:37 AM

      OMG, that is terrible! I would be so hurt. I would take your mom's advice for now, but I think at some point you need to tell your dad how hurtful that email was. Good luck

      #3 RedDiamond

      • Banned
      • 242 posts

        Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:41 AM

        Wow - again, this so repeats what we went through.

        I think I would call him and ask why he didn't tell you this before - then express you extreme disappointment in him. He really should feel guilty.

        #4 foxytv

        • VIP Member
        • 7,740 posts

          Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:41 AM

          Girl, you go right ahead and be mad, pissed, hurt, tearful ... whatever. I am also shocked that they couldn't mention the fact that they had cruises already booked when you first told them of your plans for an October 2009 wedding.

          I had this issues, but not with family - it was with one BM. WTF?

          I say let him stew as well. That's what I did when I got an email from my BM ... and it drove her crazzy and made her call me and confront the situation - which is what should have taken place in the first place.

          I don't what else to say, except that I am in your corner.

          Keep us posted and thoughts are with you!!!

          #5 kevsgirl

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,209 posts

            Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:41 AM

            OMG. That is the worst. I just can't believe it! I would feel utterly horrified and confused and just depressed if I were you.
            I hope he thinks about it and takes it back. That's just so uncaring

            I'm sure you'll get plenty of validation from us BDW girls.

            I've been upset lately because my dad still hasn't booked and we're now only about a month away. I've decided that I have to rearrange my vision of him walking me down the aisle because at this point, who knows when he'll show up. That's had me pretty upset. But honestly this takes the cake.

            I feel so bad for you. I hope he comes to his senses.

            #6 litl_april

            • Jr. Member
            • 351 posts

              Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:45 AM

              Oh my! I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this with your dad! I realize that it can't be easy at all! Hopefully things will work themselves out...maybe your dad will come to his senses. I, too, am relatively new around this forum, but I know that you're in the right place to find a lot of great supportive people!!

              #7 BC Bride2be

              BC Bride2be
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                Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:50 AM

                wow. that is so hurtful but I agree with your mom - if they have decided two cruises are more important than coming to your wedding then so be it.... its their loss and I am sure one day he will have many regrets not being there.
                try and focus on all of your family that will be there with you on your special day.. best wishes..

                #8 mexicobride2009

                • Jr. Member
                • 164 posts

                  Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:53 AM

                  I am so sorry you are going through this right now! You have every right to feel mad and hurt!! Would replying to his email or calling him to get your feelings out make you feel better?? If you think it would help then I would do it! Do whatever you think is going to make you feel better! And vent here whenever you need to - there is a lot of support in the gals here!!

                  #9 syl1115

                  • Member
                  • 789 posts

                    Posted 05 November 2008 - 12:57 AM

                    I agree that this is very hurtful to hear from your dad, but I think you should call him and discuss this with him. Let him know how you feel. Maybe there is another reason he is not telling you. "tones of voice" cannot be heard via email. How is your relationship with your stepmom? Do you think she plays a part in his decision? I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Some people can be so uncaring. You are his only daughter and he should be there no matter what.

                    Our wedding slideshowhttp://www.facebook.....=1047086342460

                    #10 ~*Kathy*~

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 5,649 posts

                      Posted 05 November 2008 - 01:16 AM

                      I would be hurt too. I am not on speaking terms with my birth father, however, at first my step dad (whom I love and cherish dearly and raised me with my mom since I was six years old) didn't want to come. I was pretty shocked and hurt. He stewed over it for a while and then conceded. I know he loves me, he's just not a big traveler. I am so thrilled that my mom AND step dad (as far as I know) will be walking me down the aisle.

                      I wish you the best of luck with this, I feel that it was a really insensitive approach that your father took regarding his attendance at your Oct 09 wedding.

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