Dear Mother:
1. When are you going home? You've been here for 2 days and it feels like 2 years.
2. I'm sorry there's not enough toilet paper or tissues in my house for you. I'm pretty sure I could buy every single roll of toilet paper in the city and every single box of tissues, and you would still think we needed one more. I'm not sure what you do with the stuff. Are you just flushing it down the toilet for fun? Maybe you're using it to write lists of all the things "we" aren't doing right. I hope you don't think that I don't know that little "do 'we' need to go buy toilet paper tomorrow?" comment was a dig.
3. Just because I wanted to wait and order my veil later in the summer because we (i.e. the bride and groom) have spent a ton of money on wedding stuff in the last week doesn't mean we're broke! It means we think about our finances and actually have a budget. I realize this is difficult for you to understand since you have never understood the concept of managing money. On that note, I am a lawyer and part of senior management of a huge corporation. That means I can probably handle planning a wedding and managing a budget.
4. We don't care if you don't like our guest list. If you don't like it, you don't have to come.
5. Taking over the bridesmaid dress shopping day with your own quest for the more important mother of the bride dress will not make you a very popular mother of the bride. Leaving your daughters sitting outside a change room for 2 hours while you try on dresses you have no intention of buying because you say: (a) you need to lose 15 pounds before you even start thinking about your dress; and ( none of them are "mother of the bride" dresses anyway, will also not make you anyone's favourite mother of the bride.
6. Note the 3 words preceding "bride" in your title. It means you're not the bride. You're not the bride, and you're not the groom, so it's not your wedding. See points 4 and 5 above.
7. We (i.e. the bride and groom) are paying for this wedding. See points 4, 5 and 6 above.
Much love,
Sherry