just to play devil's advocate here.... IMO lists are a horrible thing to give to a photog -- especially to one who does not do it professionally.
If you are doing a list, I'd keep it to the posed photos only.
Of course, my standpoint on shooting a wedding is capturing the day as it unfolds in front of me - the shots that result are a factor of the day...... not the other way around.
If you give a list, to any photog - novice or pro - then the concern is not about capturing the day -- but fulfilling a list of requirements.
In my approach, I shoot every wedding with the same approach -- of course the details shots are grabbed during the slow times..... and of course we run thru the formal shots.... but every other shot is a direct result of what is going on in front of me. -- Your photographer should really act as your shadow.... and your fiance's, and your parents, and his parents... etc.. -- your photographer should be everywhere at every moment -- looking for moments as they happen. --
not trying to setup the next shot on the list.
When you give this list to a novice, it is adding extra- not-needed pressure on a photographer that might not feel 100% comfortable doing a wedding in the first place.
Of course -- this is coming from a photojournalist - and not a traditional wedding photog.... so you can take my advice with a grain of salt. - but overall I think lists are a horrible, horrible thing.
As a photojournalist - you can not assume anything - Lists assume quite a bit.... but in real life, things dont always go as planned. A photojournalist needs to be constantly on the look for everything.
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sorry to go on and on -- but this gets into my approach to photography, so I obviously feel very strong about it!
-- just a thought for you though...... I thought you should hear the other side before you confront a volunteer - or "out of a favor" photographer with a shot list. If they are an experienced photojournalist the list idea will probably be rejected - or if they are a novice, it could just make them much more nervous about shooting your wedding!
not to mention the fact that 90% of the shots on all lists should ALWAYS be shot at every wedding.... so there is no reason to add it to a list!