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ktchi

What to do- friend can't afford to come

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I agree with Roo66. There are some things to think about before offering.

But, if you can offer, and you want to, then it's really sweet of you.

 

What about maybe offering to pay 50% or something??

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We are payin for FI's father to come because he wouldn't be able to afford it right now. I also just found out one of my friends can travel so she is trying her best to save money and pay for it by aug. I told her if for any reason she needs help to let me know. I would rather help her than have her not go because she was missing a few hundred $. Ofcourse I wouldn't offer this to anyone but it wouldn't be the same to not have my few closest friends there.

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I agree with the other ladies.

 

If she is a VERY important part of your life and your wedding simply wouldn't be the same without her, then I say pay maybe part of her expenses. I would suggest loaning her the money but that just spells disaster later down the road.

 

I understand your dilemma, but as others said, it depends on how much this person means to you. If it were my family or anyone in my bridal party, then yes, I would help them. Otherwise, probably not. Not because I don't love them, it's just that I expected this to happen with a DW. Such is life.

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That is a very hard decision to make and you are definitely not alone! I agree with Roo66 but also agree that you might regret if she doesnt come. Has she been a great friend through out the years? Is she typically a dependable person?

 

I would go with what your heart is telling you.. Good Luck!

 

P.S. If you do pay for her to come, I wouldn't tell a soul. People can get mad and expect you to pay their way... it will be bad all around.

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Well DON'T do what I did and spend a week in tears over it... I had the same exact thing happen with a bridesmaid and one of my BFF's last week. She was the first to book, booked her flights etc. and has been telling me for OVER 2 years she's SO there and 5 weeks before our wedding she backs out.

 

I offered to pay for her too and asked her to come alone and she doesn't' want to borrow money or fly alone, her and her husband aren't doing great financially so I get it. It really shocked me and I can't even believe she wont be there so I'd offer if you want her there but if she's going through a tough time financially she may not be able to pay you back for awhile.

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you need to speak to your friend as she is obviously a close friend as you are considering paying for her - however - by speaking to her you may realise there are more than the financial reasons why she has now said she is not coming because surely she would have told you quite a while ago she wouldnt be able to afford it. ie; she is saving for something else ; doesnt want to be away from her family etc.

If in your heart you really want her there - offer to pay for her and see her reaction - noone else has to know. But dont offer to pay for her and then forever hold it against her ie; let in niggle away in the back of your mind.

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Well I had the same situation my cousin is only a teen and her mum isn't very well off they couldnt afford this kind of trip normally and would rack up debt to pay for it so we offered to pay for her.

 

I think if it is someone really important and they truely dont have the money to afford it and you do and you really want them there then you should do it. xx

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Wow a difficult one but, maybe put the ball back in her court... maybe your friend could contribute some money to the cost and pay you back later? Think about a range of options and leave it to her to decide I am sure that you have other things on your mind.

I think that what ever you choose to do tread carefully as money can have a habit of changing relationships! Good luck to you x

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Thanks for all the advice. I have a lot to think about. I have given myself until next week to figure out what I am going to do. I think offering to pay half sounds like a reasonable idea so I can still feel like I made the effort to help her out and have her there, but not feel too guilty for having paid for everything. I can put the ball back in her court. If she still can't do it- then at least I tried and it wasn't meant to be.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ktchi View Post
Thanks for all the advice. I have a lot to think about. I have given myself until next week to figure out what I am going to do. I think offering to pay half sounds like a reasonable idea so I can still feel like I made the effort to help her out and have her there, but not feel too guilty for having paid for everything. I can put the ball back in her court. If she still can't do it- then at least I tried and it wasn't meant to be.
Good luck! I hope things work out. Keep us posted!

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