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Am I wrong to be upset???

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#1 Jennybell1

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    Posted 29 January 2010 - 01:57 PM

    So I am trying to figure out if I am justified in feeling how I am bc I know I will be walking into an arguement when I get home tonight.....I need to vent to you ladies and gentlemen to see if I have a right to as upset as I am.
    So heres the scoop.....

    Yesterday afternoon Riley stayed after work in Calgary to meet up with a freind of ours to pick up some supplies for our renos in the basement. He said that they would have a couple of drinks together, he would then go to home depot to pick up another box of our flooring and be home.

    Throughout the course of the night I spoke with him a couple of times bc it was getting later in the night. At 8:30pm I suggested that he just stay at his friends house as he already had a few drinks and we were over an hour drive away. He said he was fine and that he would be home around 10:00pm.
    At 9:30 he called me again to say that he was not in any shape to drive home. I was like "what, your still there? What happened to being home by 10:00?" and he said that he stopped drinking an hour and half ago, but bc he hadnt eaten really it hit him when he got up. So he was calling to make sure it was okay to stay at his friends house for the night. So up to this point Im not mad or upset bc he doesnt see his friend very often bc we live so far out of town. A little irresponsible, but not too bad. This is where I get pissed off.
    So I know that Riley is drunk, which guarentees his friend is smashed too - bc the guy is an alcoholic almost. So I ask Riley how they are going to get home and he says that he is going to leave his truck there and going to ride to his friends house in his friends work van. And I was like - uh no your not...your both drunk, take a cab. If he wants to drive home drunk, fine, nothing I can do about that, but you can take a cab! And we kept going back and forth on this bc of course hes drunk and keeps bringing up all mushy crap that he loves me and he doesnt want me to be mad that hes not coming home to sleep with me and all this other crap. I told him I dont care that he isnt coming home, and am okay with him going to the friends house to sleep. HOwever we are stuck on this cab thing....I told him I would pay for it if he was going to be a cheap bugger. In the end when I asked him for the last time to clarify what he was doing, he said going home with his friend in his van......that is where I said good night and hung up on him.
    I was so mad I was almost crying! The only reason I was mad was bc he was being an ass and making stupid decision he wouldnt normally make if he wasnt drunk to ride home with the friend that is also drunk. The friend who just got charged last year with a DUI (2nd one in his life), the guy who just paid off his lawyers fees to take care of his court date this july and worked all this overtime and had no life for a while to pay for. Yet that friend again gets behind the wheel drunk!!! So not only is Riley in jeopardy, but so is everyone else on the road. And bc he doesnt want to pay a cab and also bc he doesnt want to look like an ass in front of his friend, he is going to get into a car, drunk, with another drunk to frive 10 mins down the road. Now that may not seem like a far way to go, but most accidents happen close to home and ANYTHING could happen here.
    So Im pissed bc he has a jackass friend, that he is a jackass for doing such a stupid thing and bc that decision he made last night to get in that van, didnt just affect him; that decision he made could have just changed my life too. It could have left me single, or made me choose to be single bc he was put in jail or whatever.....I know he is probably fine and they are both nursing a hang over...but that isnt the point. Oh I am so pissed I could scream!

    I still havent heard from him and its now almost 10 am my time on friday morning, and I am assuming he called into work and said he wasnt coming in. So he is probably still sleeping on his buddy's couch waiting for his friend to get up so that he can drive Riley back to his truck.

    I dont even know how to approach this when I get home....I dont want to be a major bitch...but I also dont want him to think its okay either. I commend him on making the right decision not to drive home last night...that was good....but that was it!

    Oh please help me my fellow BDW's....am I wrong to be mad

    #2 amygirl1169

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      Posted 29 January 2010 - 02:28 PM

      NO, you're not wrong to be mad... I'd be pissed off too. And that you still haven't heard from him is scary also...
      Everyone makes stupid decisions in life, but wow, his friend seems to make them over and over and OVER!
      I think you need to seriously discuss this when you get home.. he will probably admit it was stupid and say he'll never do it again, but that could've really eff'd someone's life up for sure! As you said, either you or some innocent person's life could've been changed forever.

      That guy should have his license terminated for good. And to use a work van of all things too... talk about jeopardizing everything he has! What an a$$!

      Be strong, get your point across and let us know how it goes!

      #3 **Kat**

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        Posted 29 January 2010 - 02:40 PM

        HECK YES you have the right to be mad! Drinking and driving is NEVER acceptable and there is no reason that he should have done it. He knows that I am sure, but that does not mean you have to let it go. I would tell him that it isnt ONLY him that his choices have an impact on. You are going to be his wife and you deserve to be able to voice your opinion and have him listen to you. You can get your point across without sounding like "a bitch". Just calmly tell him that you didnt like how he handled things and that if he is going to drink in the future that he needs to arrange for a ride home BEFORE HAND so these things dont happen again

        #4 **~Linda~**

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          Posted 29 January 2010 - 02:50 PM

          No i think you have every right to be upset about it. I mean we have all made stupid decisions in life no doubt and I think most of us can vouch that we have all had a friend exactly like your FI's friend at one point in life. Once he is settled and back home I would sit him down and talk to him about your obvious concerns for his safety and also the safety of others that they put at risk by making these choices. Honestly even though you talked about these things to him over the phone, he was drunk and well when people are drunk lets face it nothing really registers. Hoping he make sit home to you soon girl. Breathe Im sure with some rest and a nice conversation he will completely realize his poor judgment and respect why you would be upset.

          #5 Holly22

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            Posted 29 January 2010 - 03:00 PM

            You have a right to be upset. People don't think clearly when they are drinking. His friend should not be allowed to drive he clearly has not learned his lesson and will end up killing someone.

            I'm sure you haven't heard from him because he is shitting his pants lol
            He probably knows you are pissed and is scared to deal with it.

            #6 Melidell

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              Posted 29 January 2010 - 08:38 PM

              You have every right to be upset. He put himself in a dangerous situation for no good reason at all. He also should have tried to keep his friend off of the road although he might not have succeeded.

              My Aunt is permanantly disabled because she was hit by a drunk driver. She was the lucky one, though, her husband and baby daughter didn't make it. I have no respect for anyone who drives after drinking, and I'd be angry at FI if he even remained friends with someone who had done that that much less got in a car with them. So please don't feel like you're being a bitch- if anything you should be way angrier.
              Loving married life!

              #7 vdaybride

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                Posted 29 January 2010 - 10:41 PM

                Yes you have every right to be mad!! I would ignore his butt when he is around. Give him the silent treatment for as long as you can..then let the *&itstorm fly!!
                Married 2-14-2010 Dreams, Los Cabos


                #8 NicoRuskies

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                  Posted 29 January 2010 - 10:47 PM

                  I would have to agree with all the other ladies...I would make him understand how silly his choice was and how it affects you because you have to sit an hour away not knowing what is going on! The stress that it causes isn't fair. Hope it all works out!

                  #9 jk1101

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                    Posted 30 January 2010 - 12:30 AM

                    I agree with the other ladies - you have every right to be angry - hearing that the man you love is about to do something stupid and dangerous, and doesn't even have the full capacity to make the right decision is frustrating.

                    when he does come home, ask him how he'd have felt if you told him you were going to get in the car with your drunk irresponsible friend. how he'd feel if he was left wondering if you'd made it home safely or if at all....we don't always realize how our actions affect the ones we love till we put ourselves in their shoes. I hope he gets the message and you'll work it out.

                    good luck!

                    #10 Oryx

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                      Posted 30 January 2010 - 12:52 AM

                      I agree with the other ladies as well. You have every right to be mad and I hope he understands that when he is sober and sees the error of his ways.

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