Does this make me a horrible person????
Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:43 PM
Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:02 PM
Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:07 PM
I actually have experienced the reverse because I've gained 10 lbs since we started dating and it really bothers my FI. The way he brought it up with me was that it is important to him for us to be healthy and fit and he wants to ensure we maintain that lifestyle and demonstrate that to our future children. I by no means gained a ton of weight but it did motivate me to not be lazy and to get back into the gym.
I think if you approach it from a health standpoint it gets your point across without being mean.
Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:25 PM
Then, I went to a bachelorette party of my friend who was getting married a year before me and when I saw those pictures, I was aghast! I was like what fat girl ate me?!? OMG! I had gained over 40 lbs since he had first met me. I started off as a size 4 and increased about 6 sizes!!! And it wasn't from depression or stress or anything like that. It was cuz I got too comfortable. Yes, we still had sex, but it wasn't as often and that really bothered me. He told me he loved me and still was attracted to me but just not as attracted.
And as harsh as it was to hear and accept, I was glad that DH had the consideration and honesty and openness to tell me that (he was never mean or cruel about it when he told me. I asked him and he gave his honest opinion.)
I started to diet shortly after. We got engaged about 2 months later (by that point, I had lost maybe 5 lbs on and off). It was then that I decided to put it into high gear because there was no way in h*ll I was going to look fat in my wedding pics! I went on Nutrisystem for 2 months and even though it's a bit expensive, it works. I lost 20 lbs using their system. After that, I quit Nutrisystem, but applied their philosophy of eating small portions multiple times a day to my regular daily life and I slowly started to lose the rest of the weight. (The holidays were tough - my goal for that time period was just to maintain.)
By the time the wedding happened, I was 5-8 lbs away from my goal weight which was close enough. I am still trying to hit my goal weight but am glad I put the extra effort in so that our photos looked fabulous. I'm now back down to a size 6 and I am happy with that. If I get to my goal weight, super, but no pressure to do so.
So, let you fiance know that this is a common thing and that you care about him and want him looking his best for the wedding and care about his health, etc. He may go through the same emotions I did initially but in the end, he will be happier if he loses the weight and starts to look and feel great again. Especially if your bedroom activities go back up, LOL!!!
Posted 01 December 2009 - 06:09 PM
Posted 01 December 2009 - 06:25 PM
For some weird reason when I really want to lose weight, I don't. I think I stress out too much about it and the opposite effect happens. But recently I just can't believe how I look in pictures and it's getting down to crunch time, so I need to kick it up a notch - basically back to working out 2x a day and eating super clean, which is SO hard to do, especially this time of year.
I would be honest with your FI and motivate him by going to the gym with him. Added bonus is you'll look extra hot on the beach!
Posted 01 December 2009 - 06:42 PM
| Originally Posted by diamondpooch |
He is genetically predisposed to this, and unless I go to the gym with him or force him to go, he just doesn't care. Ugh.
i wouldn't say that you are a "horrible person" but i would strongly suggest you take a close look at your relationship and / or yourself.
to say that you are embarrassed of your FI is pretty strong and to me (my opinion) is indicitive of an insecurity either in yourself or caring what others think way too much.
when i met my DH he had a slamming body and was super hot- he is still gorgeous but since i've been preggo he has gained some 'baby weight' lol. i love him no matter what and would never be embarrassed of him. i love HIM for all he is inside and out and sometimes we fluctuate in our weight depending on life circumstances, etc.
if my DH ever told me that he was embarrassed of me or wanted to me to lose weight i would lose a lot of respect for him, think it was degrading and frankly think he was a real f*#@ing asshole!
now with all that being said if you are talking about health concerns, like getting type 2 diabetes or a major lifestyle changes like someone who used to work out 5 days a week and now is a couch potato and sits around smoking then those are valid and concerns for your partner's health and well-being and not just vanity and superficial concerns.
Posted 01 December 2009 - 06:50 PM
A year into our relationship (while doing long distance) I lost about 20 lbs and was down to my lowest weight since I was a kid. I was FINALLY able to wear a bikini when we went on vacation. But right after vacation the long distance ended, school started, we got engaged and I let myself go. I gained 40 pounds in a year. Now, i'm 15-20 pounds heavier then when we started dating. He makes comments all the time which do NOT help! Mostly because they are negative. I've found that i'm more motivated when he's willing to help and be positive. Last time he got me motivated by telling me about something he wanted to do but couldn't because of my weight. But now, even with the wedding coming up, i'm having a hard time sticking to any healthy routine. We joined a gym and both of us were doing GREAT until he decided he didn't need to go. Once I was left to it all alone, I stopped going. Why? Because it wasn't a fun couples activity anymore, it was lonely work.
It's totally reasonable that you'd become less attracted to him. But if it's really important to you, take control of the situation without making him feel bad. If it'll really help your relationship, GO to the gym with him and recognize that you're doing it for you both. Motivate him without pointing out his flaws. And maybe he'll get more motivated thinking HE needs to help YOU get in better shape. Remind him how much better your physical relationship will be when you're both super fit, what guy would turn a blind eye to THAT?!
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