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Mom gave me an ultimatum to come to MY wedding!?!

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#31 KJT1985

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    Posted 06 November 2009 - 04:40 PM

    Wow. First off, I am SO sorry you are going through this right now. This is NOT the time for that kind of crap.

    I know how you feel. My parents have disliked my fiance from day 1. I think part of it is that I'm the oldest and only girl so they're going through this all for the first time and it's rough on them. But there are other issues such as them being conservatively religious and he's not - I'm not. In our first year together, my mother and I had some REALLY nasty arguments because she didn't like the person she saw me as all of the sudden. Part of it was my fault because I "hid" who I was and what I thought from them. Until I met my fiance who gave me the courage and support to be who I wanted to be no matter the consequences from my parents. At one point my mother gave the whole family orders to not talk to me. I think I went for 3 months without a SINGLE word from any of them. However, time is making the situation better. They have been pretty great since we got engaged and there hasn't been anymore arguments (with the exception of one with my brother over the choice of a destination wedding). We saw them a couple of weeks ago for my grandmothers funeral and my mom even joked a little with my fiance. She's been relatively supportive and involved without pushing her own agenda.

    So I do promise that things will get better in time. As far as the actual wedding, that's a really tough decision. I honestly don't know what I would do. Part of me would HATE not having her their even if she was unhappy but there's also a part of me that knows I should be happy and stress-free on that wonderful day, something I couldn't be if she was there and angry. Only you know if you'd be ok not having her there. If you are, I think you should definitely tell her to stay home. If not, try your hardest to ignore her (I did a year of therapy over my mother and KNOW how insanely hard that is). Ultimately, the day should revolve around your happiness - do whatever it takes to get there. I truly hope things work out and that your mom realizes what a mistake SHE is making.

    #32 egsarah

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      Posted 09 November 2009 - 02:41 PM

      Thanks for all the great advice! It's just really hard when she's YOUR MOM. You would think that she would act like an adult...
      I did respond back to her and said in the nicest (but blunt) way that if she is not going to be supportive and keep her negativity to herself that she should just stay home. I also told her that I would ask her to leave or even escorted out in the event that she starts a scene. She hasn't replied (its been over a week) so I don't really know what that means.
      My parents are arriving in Mexico about a week before us and we have three days with them before the wedding to feel out where her head is. I can usually tell what kind of "mood" she is in when I see her so hopefully she'll get herself together before the big day.
      I'll keep you girls posted. Again thank you for all the advice. It makes me feel like less of a terrible person for not necessarily wanting her there.

      #33 ~*Kathy*~

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        Posted 09 November 2009 - 02:53 PM

        Thanks for the update Sarah, keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out in time for your big day! :)

        #34 Debs

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          Posted 09 November 2009 - 02:58 PM

          Maybe silence is golden? Let's hope she's realized she's being a drama queen.

          #35 pineapple princess

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            Posted 12 November 2009 - 05:14 PM

            please do not forget to let us know what happens. My first thought was to spike her wine with benadryl before the ceremoy and put her in a lounge chair on the brides side.

            but seriously - that is just awful, but i know that everything will work out. parents (especially mom's) can just do the absolute worst things out of love. just try to keep in mind that she is honestly just doing what she thinks is best for you. and even though she is way off base, she is just very passionate because she wants the best for you.

            not to compare your life to a reality show - but the same thing happened to kandi on the real housewives of atlanta . watching snippets on television was painful so i cannot even imagine how bad it is for you. it is just awful.

            another thing - just try and focus on you and your fi. the two of you can get through anything together. and....we are all here for you too.

            "Formerly goNDmay9"
            "so long and thanks for all the fish!"

            #36 clfaidl2

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              Posted 22 November 2009 - 12:15 PM

              Good luck, I hope everything turns out okay! Def let us know what happens! I agree I hope the silence is a good sign. Let it be you and FI's day and don't let her ruin it for you!

              #37 Preciousmi811

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                Posted 24 November 2009 - 01:13 AM

                Originally Posted by goNDmay9
                please do not forget to let us know what happens. My first thought was to spike her wine with benadryl before the ceremoy and put her in a lounge chair on the brides side.

                Ha ha we spiked my friends MIL drink on her wedding day because she turns into a royal B**** everything went soooo smooth the wedding day. The only thing was at the reception she stood and told my mom in Spanish she got a little dizzy and then we all had to run out because we were laughing so hard. Hey its always an option! LOL
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                #38 *Linds*

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                  Posted 24 November 2009 - 10:22 AM

                  hahahaha omg that is hilarious!

                  egsarah- I wish you all the best and I hope nothing puts a cloud over your special day! Please let us all know how everything plays out! We are all on your side
                  Loving married life! <3

                  #39 poohshek

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                    Posted 26 November 2009 - 11:38 PM

                    Definitely tough situation and I really don't have any good advice but to send POSITIVE energy your way!!! Sorry you have to deal with this and I hope everything works out.

                    How about slipping some medication into her breakfast to make her drowsy?

                    #40 SunBride

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                      Posted 26 November 2009 - 11:45 PM

                      Definitely you need to tell her that no only will you not abide by the ultimatum, but she needs to abide by YOURS, i.e. she can only come if she does not put down/criticize your fiancĀ© or your relationship

                      EDIT: sorry just read your update after posting, GOOD FOR YOU and no you should not feel terrible at all for not wanting her there. (Sure, initially it sounds bad to hear a bride say she doesn't want her mom at her wedding, but under your circumstances, it's totally 110% acceptable)

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