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Need help. I suck

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#1 *HOLLY*

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    Posted 03 July 2009 - 11:00 AM

    First off I hate to admit it but I have jealousy issues. I think its due to my first marriage because I was cheated on soooooooooooo much. The fight I am having not with my FI is...
    I go to the station to visit him with Annabelle our daughter (would be his soon to be step-daughter). All is well then I go inside so say hi to his partner and there is some new chick sitting in a chair and gives me that look up and down. Call me crazy but it was the look of "oh that is your fiancĀ©".....Anyways we go outside and I said "you have a ride along today?" He goes "yes, and she has the hots for me" Um yeah dont tell me that. So right then I start getting jealous. He goes dont worry she knows Im engaged. Ok thats great but was the look she gave me necessary Well lastnight I found out she has his number and called him asking when he works in July so she can schedule another ride along with him and his other partner. I was not to happy. My heart sank. He has plenty of girlfriends and just adding more will make my heart sink. My FI has this thing about him where he can just be so charming. I dont want to push him away but at the same time I dont want to sit back and just let these girls that just walk into his life to sit and flirt with him.
    Feedback Im scared really am scared. Im in tears typing this!!!!

    #2 stacey


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      Posted 03 July 2009 - 11:55 AM

      Ugghhhh thats not cool. But I think you need to handle this problem right away before it kills you. Tell him how you feel about this. Tell him about the look she gave you, and let him know how this is making you feel because of your ex. Also make him think about this situation, and ask how he would feel if the roals were reversed.

      I hope he sees your side.
      Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

      #3 jean-marcus

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        Posted 03 July 2009 - 12:39 PM

        i can feel your pain and distrust becuse of your past being cheated on. but you have to trust your fiance and put all that behind you. you gotta learn from your past but not bring it into your current relationship. there is one thing that will kill a relationship faster than anything and that is jealousy and distrust. believe me I have broken up with a few women because of that.

        keep an eye on that one but dont just assume she means harm or working her way in on him. you gotta show your fiance your confidence. trust me. MEN LOOOOOVE CONFIDENCE. nothing sexier than a strong woman. plus that will put her in her place. dont be too confident though cause then that pushes into arrogance

        anyways. i hope it works out for you and that i could offer a little help.

        be strong

        #4 JulieG

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          Posted 03 July 2009 - 01:29 PM

          Originally Posted by jean-marcus
          i can feel your pain and distrust becuse of your past being cheated on. but you have to trust your fiance and put all that behind you. you gotta learn from your past but not bring it into your current relationship. there is one thing that will kill a relationship faster than anything and that is jealousy and distrust. believe me I have broken up with a few women because of that.
          Ditto, I totally agree!

          #5 ~Nicole~

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            Posted 03 July 2009 - 01:32 PM

            I agree with Jean-Marcus (great advice)!! I think that that jealousy and distrust put a HUGE strain on a relationship. If you know your FI is "charming" then you need to accept that - he is who he is KWIM? It doesn't mean that you have to like that biatch in his office, but what does it say about your feelings towards FI when you worry about them being together? It says that you don't trust HIM. Don't get me wrong, everyone has jealous moments, its just all in how you handle those emotions.
            I understand that you have been hurt in the past, but what does that have to do with FI? Nothing really. If my FI was giving me a hard time about some guy in my office and I had done nothing to make him think I was not trustworthy, I would be pissed! That would be a huge slap in the face to me. Anyhow, no judgement here, I'm just trying to offer the other side to help you work through your feelings. You look radiant and beautiful in your profile pic, and FI loves that about you otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Just remember that!! Good luck and we're here for you!!
            *Formerly Nikki07*
            My Planning Thread

            #6 Amarillis

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              Posted 03 July 2009 - 01:54 PM

              I too completely agree with Jean-Marcus.

              What you need to do, is be super friendly to her (if possible), and any of his other girlfriends. Put that negative energy into being friendly. It will show that you are confident, and further show him that you trust him. --- i mean, you have no reason not to trust him, right?

              Keep your friends close and enemies closer... or something like that.

              #7 *Heather*


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                Posted 03 July 2009 - 02:14 PM

                I'm with the others on this one. FI has some ladies that flirt with him at work too, and honestly, I take it as a compliment. I completely trust him and if they want to flirt with him, it just shows me that I picked a good one

                I think you're going into the situation with a "guilty until proven innocent" attitude as opposed to an "innocent until proven guilty" attitude. I know you've been cheated on in the past but you can't punish your FI for this. If he's been trustworthy so far you have to trust that he will stay that way. If you don't, your relationship is really going to suffer

                #8 *HOLLY*

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                  Posted 03 July 2009 - 02:33 PM

                  Thanks ladies & gent its so hard at times. I just let the past get the best of me. I know he has never cheated. He told me he loves me with all my heart and he only wants to be with me that is why he gave me a ring. This day just has been horriable and seems to be getting worse and its just not the whole FI thing now. UGH

                  #9 itsfinallyhere

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                    Posted 03 July 2009 - 03:54 PM

                    It seems like a whole bunch of little are building up and just one thing to deal with at this point is too much. You poor thing, It sounds like you need a breather. I would try to arrange a nice quite relaxing evening for yourself, and FI. Order in, or get some take out. Put one some quite music and open a bottle of wine. These girls are right, you do need to talk to FI about what is happening, but remember when you do it is the women's behaviour you are having trouble with, not his. Is he doing anything different than before, or is he just being himself. The same charming guy you fell in love with. If you explain how you are feeling and what needs to be done in order for you to be reassured. Good luck. I hope you are feeling better soon.

                    #10 jean-marcus

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                      Posted 04 July 2009 - 02:02 AM

                      ya. focus on the good. try and let go of that past of yours. just trust in the love you two have together and just know you gotta fight for whats good in life. and this guy is good right. SO BEAT THAT OTHER WOMAN INTO THE DIRT not literally hahaha. but be the dominant one around her.

                      once again jealousy is evil evil one of the reasons i'm still single is because of my work i am constantly surrounded by beautiful women and by nature i've always been flirty. ive never even dreamed of cheating on a girlfriend or would want to its hard for a lot of women to not be jealous. one day ill find maybe a beautiful photographer lady to spend my life with cause she will understand hahaa

                      anyways i digress sorry... like i said. stay positive. stay trusting. if theres a reason to not trust him then, and only then, should you start to be suspicious but till then trust him completely with all your heart :)

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