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What would you do if you found

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#1 jk1101

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    Posted 21 June 2009 - 10:40 PM

    old letters from your FI's ex?

    So I'm cleaning the bedroom, which he didn't exactly clean out before I moved in here a few months ago, and this Valentines Card falls out of who knows where....it's from FI's ex from a long time ago...they were together for 7 years and broke up 2+ years ago. It was the card and a bunch of letters. I confess that I read one letter, which happened to be the "kiss off" letter that told him how she hates him and blah blah blah.....I opened another one, but it started saying how she loved him so I didn't read it further.

    So now, what do I do with these? Knowing him, he had no clue where they were and will never know that they are gone. I would like to just throw them out and act like they were never there. Is that wrong? I trust you ladies and your advice.

    #2 Alyssa

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      Posted 21 June 2009 - 10:45 PM

      ugggh that sucks

      as much as i can imagine you want to chuck them it really isn't your place to do so and you might do a lot of damage by "taking that away from him" kwim?

      what about putting all of the stuff in a box or bag and telling him you came across it all while cleaning and wasn't sure how he wanted to get rid of it so gathered it together for him to do so?

      #3 Betsy


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        Posted 21 June 2009 - 10:50 PM

        I would throw them away - I don't need any of my old love-letters/cards from ex-boyfriends, what's the point?? I am with the love of my life now, and the only cards/letters I need to keep are from him!! Just my own honest opinion!!

        #4 estella1007

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          Posted 21 June 2009 - 11:15 PM

          Thats a tough call. I am a psycho when it comes to ex stuff, so my crazy self would have thrown them away that instant. But when I take my personal craziness out of it, I am left thinking that one day, when you are very old, your memory may fail you. You will want old letters to look back and reflect on. Good and bad. I still have every card that anyone, even exes, have given me. Just for that reason. I store them away in boxes, and many, many years from now, when my memory isn't so strong, it will be nice to have them. I don't think it takes anything away from you that they are from his ex and that he has them. Thats just my 2 cents though.

          #5 BillysBride

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            Posted 21 June 2009 - 11:25 PM

            I'd just tell him. I would WANT to throw them away, but truth be told? My ass is the type that would want to see his reaction to the suggestion, so that I could have a definitive answer on if they were something he put away and kept on purpose or not. Even with them being unseen for years or whatever...I'd still want HIM to be the one to either say "Pitch 'em" or do it himself.

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            #6 ~Stephanie~

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              Posted 21 June 2009 - 11:32 PM

              I was in your shoes a year ago! My FI and I were going though his things that he still had stored away, deciding what to move to my house and what to pitch. Not only did I come across pictures of the ex and some other things but also many card and love letters. I am sort of crazy and insecure, its my business now kinda girl so I read them... while he was standing there...I don't think he was very comfortable with that! lol. Anyways, it made me feel insure and I hated it but he took them and thew them out without me having to ask and without thinking twice about it. Had he not I probably would have insisted he pitch them. I am crazy enough to pitch them for him but I do not think that is the right advice to give you and I don't think its my place or your place to do so. I would do as Alyssa suggested and give them to him, letting him know you found them. You could always suggest that he throw them out, let him know it makes you uncomfortable.

              On another note, not that I think its right, but I keep all my ex letters too. Not because I am still in love with them but just for memories... like estella1007 said. I don't plan to throw them out but if my FI asked me too I would, because I know how his letters from his ex made me feel.

              Good Luck, let us know how it goes.

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              #7 Sandra&Mario

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                Posted 22 June 2009 - 12:55 AM

                Just be honest! That's one of the most important things in a relationship! Just say, "So, I was cleaning up and came across some cards and letters...not sure if you'd like to hold on to them or throw them away...I'll leave that up to you, but I do want you to know I stumbled upon them..." You should also tell him how it makes you feel. With me, I wouldn't care either way. What I know is that we're together and our relationship is and will be great with or without the old letters. But how do they make you feel? That's important also. I wouldn't shrug it off nor would I throw them away without telling him...you say he would never notice, but maybe one day he will? Then you'll be like..."oh yeaaaaaaa, I threw them out!"...don't do that to yourself. Just be honest and decide together!

                #8 Sandra&Mario

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                  Posted 22 June 2009 - 12:59 AM

                  Oh, and we both still have pictures and cards from our exes also. They are memories and reflect our past and without it we wouldn't be together...unless there is ever some serious drama like she comes knocking on your door, it's just paper and maybe reading it sometimes makes you realize and appreciate each other and how much better you are together!

                  #9 koolatta

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                    Posted 22 June 2009 - 01:06 AM

                    I am soo bad. I would throw them away, especially if he doesn't remember they are there anyway and if he should ever want to take a trip down memory lane he would never dare ask you if you came across them or if you threw them out cause that would mean starting an arguement. This is just my opinion. Do what feel right to you. This solution would and has been right for me..lol

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                    #10 becks



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                      Posted 22 June 2009 - 08:30 AM

                      I have to agree with Sandra. Just tell him you found them while you were cleaning and ask him what he wants to do with them.

                      If you were to reverse the situation, and he were to have found old letters or photos of you with an ex, and tossed them without consulting you first, would you be okay with it? Personally, it would tick me off, because there might be a reason I was keeping them - like may be the letters point out to him all the things he did wrong in that relationship and he keeps them to remind him what not to do.

                      It's a stretch, but better to just tell him you found them and not risk him feeling like you're invading his privacy or trying to somehow get rid of his past.

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