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Is it poor etiquette?

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#1 estella1007

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    Posted 21 February 2009 - 05:19 PM

    I feel like since I have joined this forum, I have added 9876543234567890 things to my list that I SHOULD be doing. When I chose to have a destination wedding, it was because we have such a small budget now that we just had a baby and bought a house, that I figured it would be more affordable and acted as the honeymoon as well. Now, I pretty much obsess over all the things that everyone is doing, and feel like I need to do them too. For example, I had never even heard of OOT bags before, or sending welcome packages prior to the cruise. I am not doing ceremony programs, STD's, invitations, or any of the other details. I am also seeing that people are having welcome parties and dinners also. I pretty much reserved a group of rooms, emailed the info to my immediate family and the friends that are attending, and that's about it. To keep everyone informed of the events and the cruise information, I posted it all to our wedding web page. Am I the only one out there that is keeping it so simple? Is this poor etiquette not to do all of the above? If it helps, my wedding is in Bermuda, and we are arriving via cruise ship. We will be having a ceremony on the beach, followed by a cocktail reception, and then have dinner reserved back on the ship. Should I be doing much more?

    #2 Kelly C

    Kelly C
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      Posted 21 February 2009 - 05:32 PM

      You can do as much or as little as you want. With a DW there are no rules. Relax and enjoy your wedding.
      Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


      #3 tylersgirl

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      • 1,681 posts

        Posted 21 February 2009 - 05:33 PM

        No Estella...just do what you want. It is your wedding and everyone will have a great time regardless. I am not doing an OOT bag or ceremony programs. My guests won't care at all and I'm sure yours won't either. You and your guests are going to have so much fun! Don't sweat the small stuff. Your wedding will be spectacular!

        #4 binzer

        • Jr. Member
        • 230 posts

          Posted 21 February 2009 - 05:44 PM

          I don't think you need to worry about any of that stuff! Most of it is definitely not needed for a DW! The only thing you may want to consider doing is proper invitations. It will encourage people to come, and in particular, to book. Even if you just do e-mail invitations (you could use Invitations, Free eCards and Party Planning Ideas from Evite) or put an RSVP tool on your website, I think it's one of those things that makes a wedding seem "official" and gets guests excited. You could also do some simple DIY invitations, which wouldn't cost much, but would be a nice courtesy to extend to your guests (especially since they'll be spending a lot to attend the wedding).

          Most people haven't heard of OOTs, STDs sound like overkill in your case, and a program for most DWs would have hardly anything in it! Welcome dinners are definitely not needed, and depending on your situation may even be out of place. So don't worry! You know your guests best and I'm sure that what you have planned is more than enough :)

          #5 Reese78

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            Posted 21 February 2009 - 06:32 PM

            The great thing about this process is that you can do what you want. I think that a destination wedding has a whole new set of rules and those rules start with the Bride and Groom.

            I too added things to my To Do list after joining several message boards. Some I'm keeping and others I'm doing without. We're going to keep some traditional elements and let other go. Like TylersGirl said you're guests will not even miss what you dont have.

            I'm a strong believer that all this should be a reflection of the couple and my FI and I are too laid back for a bunch of formalities.

            Don't sweat it and enjoy planning the beginning of your journey together.

            #6 Sloan

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            • 1,279 posts

              Posted 21 February 2009 - 06:41 PM

              There's been so many threads on this. Everyone is different, and as mentioned above - it's your wedding, so do as much or as little as you want. Im not doing anything over and above either. Stress-free, and definately less expensive. Dont sweat it - its YOUR day.

              #7 wededbliss2010

              • Newbie
              • 61 posts

                Posted 21 February 2009 - 07:09 PM

                I agree with the other ladies! It's your wedding! I wasn't going to have a wedding party because I felt like my three closest friends had already been in enough weddings and would be thrilled to not have to be in another one, but to my surprised they really wanted to be part of my day. So I'll have my three best friends next to me on my big day! It's your day!!


                #8 DGG

                • Jr. Member
                • 275 posts

                  Posted 21 February 2009 - 07:24 PM

                  I am doing OOT bags, etc, but I have been to 4 destination weddings in the past and I never even heard of this until this website.. so I really doubt your guests would be expecting any of this...
                  For programs, I don't think you need them at all - especially if your group is small everyone knows everyone anyway. If you did want to do cheap programs, you can do them free on vistaprint (they have programs or rack cards free now) and just pay for postage..

                  #9 YoursTruly

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 1,097 posts

                    Posted 21 February 2009 - 07:28 PM

                    It is your unique day. Stick to your budget and keep it as simple or lavish as you can. Best of luck

                    #10 montegobay09

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                      Posted 21 February 2009 - 07:43 PM

                      Just like everyone else said...it's your day and you make the rules of etiquette for this.

                      I was in the same boat as you and thought that my DW was turning out to be just as much work as a wedding at home, if not worse cause then you have to pay to transport everything. I did add a few things to my to do list since joining BDW but we didn't do STD's, we're not doing programs, or welcome parties or rehersal party. I'm actually not even having a shower cause I really don't care for them and I don't want to ask my family to travel 2hrs to get to a silly girly thing. Instead, the afternoon of my stagette I'm getting the girls together and we're going to get a psychic to do some readings, go out to supper and have a limo pick us up to start out the night. I chose not to do anything traditional and even designed my own invitations. They only cost me $100 to make 125 of them. Anyway, after that ramble I guess I just mean that you're not alone!! do what you want to do and enjoy your wedding with the love of your life!! - Congrats on the new baby and new house!!!

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