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Just need to get this off my chest.. **Long**

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11 replies to this topic

#1 Cindy&London

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  • 258 posts

    Posted 04 February 2009 - 02:12 PM

    So, I'm having a DW wedding because I don't want a huge production. But, there are a few things that are important to me, such as cocktail party, music, horse & carriage, & photos. I really didn't think that was asking for much.. I thought wrong.
    My parents were suposed to help us pay for most of this. My real dad was going to help as well. Well, my mom tells me that she talked with my dad and TOLD him he HAD to pay for everything now. My dad cannot afford that and that's fair enough. But, I think my dad is afraid of my mom and told her that it was fine and he would. I know that's it's not fine.
    I mean, granted, my father didn't pay child support because he was a drunk and drank away all his money and did some messed up things when I was a child. I'm over it and I don't think my dad owes me anything anymore. I did at one point, but I'm an adult now and I'm passed all that. We have a pretty good relationship now and he has got his life together and that's all I can ask for.
    My parents (mom & step-dad) are comfortable and can afford the luxuries in life. Now, I'm not saying that they should pay for all of this because they have more money. But, give my dad a break. My mom orginally said that they would pay for half and my dad could pay for half.. I thought that was fair. Now, she is throwing the fact that they paid for my Bridal Shower and a few other things and didn't ask him for anything.
    I think my mom feels like my dad owes me the world, but my step-dad has been there for me and he is my "dad".. the dad that every father hopes to be. I feel like I wasn't cheated at all, in fact I think it all worked out the way it was suposed to.
    Also, my parents bought a house back in Ontario and said that we could have it. Great! Except for the fact that I left Ontario (I live in Alberta now) for a reason.. because I didn't WANT to live there. Please note that we will be paying the mortgage/utilites.. etc.. it's not free. Well, FI wants to move and thinks it would be a great move for us because we are renting an apt right now and he wants our daughter to have a yard and house to grow up in. I come from a small city as well and the crime rate is alot lower.. it's a good place to raise your children. So, I said fine, we will move because it's what's best for our family.. sacrifices!!
    So, we are moving. Now, my mom keeps throwing the house in my face!! Like this is the reason they feel they shouldn't have to pay for anything for the wedding. I understand this.. to a degree. My parents gave my brother $6000-$7000 for his wedding and so they have evened it out by buying this house. This house that they have put $10,000-$15,000 of their own money into for renos... Another thing I didn't ask them to do.. they just did.
    So, my issue is that I didn't ask them to buy this house.. I didn't ask them to offer it to us and I'm really tired of hearing about it. We wouldn't be moving a month after our wedding if it wasn't for this stupid house. I would be getting the small/inexpensive wedding that I want if it wasn't for this stupid house. I'm really starting to resent this house.. and my parents for buying it.
    Maybe I'm just stressed out.. but my parents are helping. Even though my mom calls me or when I call her she says.. Don't stress or worry about anything?! Ok... so don't make it stressful for me.

    This is our day.. I feel like I'm in this alone............

    #2 Hartyt509

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      Posted 06 February 2009 - 03:53 PM

      Maybe its just me but I'd be saying sorry I don't want the house. She will throw it in your face forever. I actually feel quite sorry for your dad he must be thinking how the hell am i going to do that but doesn't want to let you down.

      You need to talk to him and tell him he can't pay for everything. The past is the past and if you have moved on from it i'm sorry but your mother needs to also.

      This is one reason I won't accept ANYTHING from FMIL because she will do exactly the same

      #3 Cindy&London

      • Jr. Member
      • 258 posts

        Posted 06 February 2009 - 04:21 PM

        I agree, I talked to her and finally told her how I felt. I told her that her throwing the house in my face is making me want to move less and less. She apologized and said she wasn't trying to make me feel that way. She just thought that it was unfair that my dad has paid for nothing and they have paid for everything. I agree with her, but I don't think that it's fair to put my Dad in the poor house either.
        So, as of right now we are trying to get everyone to book through my Dad's travel agent so we can get the free cocktail party - $600 value. That will take a big load off and then there won't be so much to pay for and a price much more realistic for him to pay. We have 7 rooms so far.. we only need 3 more!! I really hope we get there and I'm trying my hardest to make that happen. My parents (mom & step-dad) are one of the rooms.
        Also, my sister and brother-in-law have now decided to come and they might be the 8th room. My brother-in-law said he was going to do the photography for the wedding and then they backed out because they didn't think they could afford it. Well, now they are coming (GREAT!!) and he can do the pictures which saves another $500!! Things are slowly falling into place.
        Thanks for reading/listening.. I was just having A DAY, as I'm sure all you other beautiful brides have.
        Now my apt flooded... yay!! Just another obstacle :) I think I would rather deal with the water than my wedding some days haha :)

        #4 sunset78

        • Sr. Member
        • 1,280 posts

          Posted 06 February 2009 - 06:05 PM

          Glad to hear everything turning out for the best so far. :)

          #5 Hartyt509

          • Sr. Member
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            Posted 06 February 2009 - 06:57 PM

            Yeah I know its difficult I was lucky dad was a right hard ass and i've turned out the same lol I'm glad you spoke to your mum about it tho you had too because there is no point being miserable chick

            FMIL hasn't spoken to me in a year and I like it that way but can you imagine what the wedding will be like lmfao

            As for bad days everyone has them when it everything gets right on your tits and you have to blow it off or explode lol thats why i do boxing ha ha

            #6 Prettyhazardous

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              Posted 12 February 2009 - 12:51 AM

              I was raised by my gparents so my FI and I decided to pay for everything ourselves anf not ask my parents for a thing. it's really hard for us but very much so necessary. I'm glad to hear that things are working out for you.

              #7 Jacilynda

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                Posted 12 February 2009 - 01:21 AM

                Sometimes I feel like things are so out of control and I post about it and vent and it goes uphill from there! We are hear to listen and I'm glad things are turning around!

                #8 Celina

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                  Posted 12 February 2009 - 01:27 AM

                  Glad to hear things are working out. The one piece of advice I can give you is if you accept gifts, you have to accept the strings that come with them. Otherwise, do it yourself that way you don't owe anything to anyone!
                  "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

                  #9 SunBride

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                    Posted 12 February 2009 - 01:27 AM

                    It's very generous of your parents to let you take over their house, but it definitely kinda kills the generosity when they are reminding you about it and using it against you all the time. That really sucks. I hope now that you've talked to your mom her attitude/actions/words change.

                    #10 Cindy&London

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 258 posts

                      Posted 12 February 2009 - 02:21 AM

                      Originally Posted by Celina
                      Glad to hear things are working out. The one piece of advice I can give you is if you accept gifts, you have to accept the strings that come with them. Otherwise, do it yourself that way you don't owe anything to anyone!
                      So true!! Great advice.. lesson definately learned :) We are definately trying to do most of this on our own now. These are trying times for everyone, but in the end the most important thing is that we are celebrating our love and becoming a family. The other stuff seems so irrelavent when I think of it that way.. :) Thanks Ladies!!

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