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FI afraid guests will "hijack" the wedding

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    Posted 17 January 2009 - 03:44 PM

    So, the abridged version - which will still probably be freakishly long!

    We both race for local cycling teams here in town. A few months ago, I won us a free mountain biking Bike trip to Northstar Resort in Lake Tahoe. Along with the trip, we won a couple grand in spending cash.

    His father (before we were even engaged) suggested we use it to tie the knot. Great idea. We're both very non traditional and that sounded awesome. The stipulations of the trip was that it had to be taken by October of 2009. Due to other commitments it would have to be August.

    In talking with my sister,she said they wouldn't be able to come as it's a NO DAYS OFF period for her husband's work. I told her not to worry, as we had just planned on the two of us along with video and pictures with an AHR. Over New Year's with my sister and best friend in attendance, we announced our engagement. My best friend of forever exclaimed "oh we will SO be there"! She was so happy for us!

    Talk about bittersweet. My sister looked absolutely devastated. I had secretly wanted people to be able to come, if they wished. My best friend and family were coming and my own sister (and husband and little girl) weren't coming.

    After apprised of the situation, my best friend suggested forfeiting our deposit on the July 09 vacation (we all go together) so my sister and husband could go to Tahoe with us as we had already allocated the money and time off. Everything was solved! Hooray!!!

    Then reality set in. How the heck were we going to plan this in 7 months? If my friends were going, Geoff thought it was only appropriate to open it up to his side as well. Well sure! So then in a matter of minutes it gets REAL big! Invite everyone and see who comes! lol

    Thankfully - When the company that awarded the trip to us found out we had planned on getting married while there, they elected to give us a prepaid VISA for the whole trip and then there were no longer any time constraints. July 2010 it would be.

    Geoff is concerned that the week / week and half that we spend out there will be hijacked as we'll be obligated to spend every waking minute with all of our guests (how many that might be, who knows). He finds it rude to just "disappear" rationalizing that people will be spending a lot of money to travel to Tahoe. I keep trying to tell him that the people (Ohio and Michigan) that choose to come will most likely make a vacation of it too and have their own agendas and to quit worrying.

    Any ideas for the pessimist? He wants to go back to the original me/him arrangement. How do I calm his fears? It's not a money thing, it's a time manipulation thing.



    #2 katrina


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      Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:13 PM

      we had 35 guests and it's true that most of our time was spent with them. is there anyway for the two of you to do a mini-honeymoon? perhaps at another resort or another part of the area once your guests leave? if not, i'd just schedule a few alone time activities for the two of you- nice dinner, couples massage, etc. you will have to juggle your time, but it can be done.

      #3 ErinB


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        Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:20 PM

        I agree with Katrina. Your guests don't have to be there the entire time you are. Get a package/schedule together so those dates are concrete and everyone knows about it.

        For example: You two will be there from Monday to Wednesday. Have your guests come Wednesday to Sunday so you have time to visit, get married, and then send them on their way!

        Try and get a few private "couple" things scheduled as well. We had 2 days after our wedding before we all left. Everyone was very understanding that we were Newlyweds and left us alone. If we ran into someone it was great, otherwise we just did our own thing.

        #4 Hartyt509

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          Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:21 PM

          I had this issue 2 to be honest. FI wanted his family and friends and I didn't lol We hardly see each other as it is so i didn't want to have to "share" this time with everyone.

          In the end we made a pact that we would spend some days just the 2 of us together with no-one else and politely tell everyone that we were also on honeymoon.

          Then most people dropped out so we went back to the time together but i've already said i'm spending time with my friends who are coming on their own and he can spend time with FMIL as I don't want to lol

          It can be worked out but you need to get a plan together and stick to it.

          #5 TAHOEJENI

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            Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:28 PM

            Thanks for the replies so far.

            One thing that he's pretty excited about is trying to get a group ride together. We figure some of our teammates will come as it's a huge mountain biking destination. We've talked to two seperate videographers who are drooling to shoot a mountain bike love story!

            I plan on doing a newsletter or two with several potential activities for people to do on their own..... hint hint :-)

            #6 soon2bePowers

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              Posted 17 January 2009 - 04:48 PM

              We tried to make it very clear to our guest that this is their vacation and we only ask that they come to the wedding. That being said we will see them and do things with them but are NOT planning a bunch of stuff. I was at a DW last summer and they had lots planned, we felt obligated to go and when we didn't attend something we felt bad.

              SO, we asked that all guest be gone by Saturday (our wedding is Thursday). We are getting their Monday and staying till the following Wednesday. We will have Sunday-Wednesday to our selves. If your people haven't booked yet maybe you could do something like that.


              #7 Ayita

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                Posted 17 January 2009 - 05:28 PM

                Your guests will be there but they will also beon vacation... do you think that they will want to spend all their time with you, or, as you, will want to have some time by themselves ?

                Probably both... what you could also do, is plan a week with them, and then secretly plan another week on site, that will be just for the two of you... we're doing this ! On the Tuesday after our wedding we're just off to another, even more secluded, hotel... so first week with family and friends (that I don't see often given that they are all over the world), second week with my new husband...

                #8 1elephant

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                  Posted 17 January 2009 - 08:13 PM

                  in our STD newsletter, we had suggested travel dates (thursday through monday). most people came on thurs and left on monday. some came a day earlier or stayed a day later, but no one expected us to be there with them the whole time. we planned a rehearsal dinner and did whatever we wanted the rest of the time. turned out that we actually liked vacationing with friends and family and were kind of sad when everyone left....

                  #9 Sloan

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                    Posted 17 January 2009 - 08:18 PM

                    That's why were staying in JA for 2 weeks. I want to be able to spend time with my new husband without having fmil knocking down our door wondering if we want to go for coffee or breakfast.

                    #10 YoursTruly

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                      Posted 17 January 2009 - 09:40 PM

                      its a valid concern for sure. hopefuly people will not be unreasonable and understand that all you and your FI's time will not be spent with the guests and that they need to respect this.

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