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FutureMrsLewis

This really shouldn't bother me, but it does...

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Before I start on my rant, I'm going to warn everyone that in my rant, I'll be talking about abortion, which is a very controversial issue, and if you REALLY disagree with it, don't read any further. I'm not looking to upset anyone, I'm just trying to wrap my brain around what's going on...

 

Okay, so if you're still with me, here's the "as the stomach turns" drama going on with my cousin...

 

My younger cousin, let's call her Katie, is 21. She had her first son after she slept with a guy almost 10 years older than her when she was in Grade 10, she was 15 when she got pregnant, 16 when she delivered. They broke up, as expected, and her parents and my whole family was very supportive and helped take care of the little guy as much as possible. Anyway, fast forward to August of this year, 5 years later. "Katie" finds out she's pregnant again by her on again/off again boyfriend. She's trying to get her life under control, she's going back to school in September, and the "boyfriend" flips out and says he doesn't want kids, especially not with her, plus she was partying and drinking every night before she found out she was pregnant, so she has an abortion. My parents and my two sisters FREAK, say that she should never be allowed to bear children ever again because she possibly took away the only grandchild that bf's mother may ever have... I actually thought she was very strong to make a decision like that because it's DEFINITELY not a good time for her, she's a single mother with a 5 year old, and she's only 21, plus she didn't want the reminder of her "bastard" bf. Anyway, I was a little upset because of the way my family reacted, they didn't want to see that this was an option for her because "she could have at least given it up for adoption!" Being pregnant would take away from her studies, she almost flunked out in High School when she got pregnant, and she was sick as a dog, on bed rest for the last couple of months before she gave birth. And when you're actually paying tuition, you don't want to have to do it twice. Plus, she had consumed a large amount of alcohol while pregnant, so the fetus may not have survived anyway.

 

So skip forward to this weekend. She takes a trip to Nova Scotia to visit her "bastard" boyfriend and they get back together, happier than ever. I still think that her pregnancy would have ruined her schooling, but I don't feel as sympathetic toward her anymore. If they were going to possibly patch things up, and they really do love eachother, wouldn't they love to have a child together?

 

I just don't know what to think of this situation anymore... I've always been pro-choice, because I think a woman should always have a choice, but I don't agree with abortion for the sake of abortion, there needs to be a good, valid reason behind it. I just don't feel like she had a good, valid reason anymore... I don't know, am I being silly? I don't even know why this bothers me, it's her life, but it just grates on one little nerve that I can't ignore...

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I don't think you're being silly at all! That sounds like a very complicated situation that she got herself in to. I can't help but wonder and wish that she had used more protection maybe? Protecting yourself is probably a better option than abortion, but I understand why people get abortions, but I don't know how I personally feel about the issue...I'm on the fence about the whole abortion thing. Regardless, what's done is done, and I guess that no one should be dwelling on her decision, it can't be taken back now.

 

Ultimately, I think if there was some way she could have protected herself more thoroughly, that would have been best.

 

I hope I didn't offend anyone with this reply, just giving my thoughts. I truly wish your cousin all the best with her little one that she already had and with her studies. :)

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I think it is best to accept and move on. She made her choice and living her own life. While we all know that she shouldn't be with this guy, she is the one who makes the decisions for herself. Hopefully she will learn from her mistakes, though if that were the case, she might not have gotten pregnant the second time.

 

I know that it is hard when a loved one does this, but you have to remove your emotions from the situation. It's ok to be disappointed in her but is it worth it to shut her out of your life forever.

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I agree with what Erin has said in her post. Sometimes people make choices that may not be the choice we would make. Her getting back with him may be related to her self esteem...maybe she thinks who would want her 1 kid and an abortion later at 21, who knows what pressure she is getting from people about the decision she made, maybe she thinks only he can understand her...no one can really know.

 

Speaking as someone who repeatedly went back to a guy on and off for 6 and 1/2 years during my college years because I loved him, believed I could change him to be faithful, wanted to believe the smooth lies and lacked of confidence to think I would be ok on my own, it's not easy to walk away from someone. You have to learn from your mistakes and generally what people around you are saying goes in one ear and out the other.

 

I do hope she finds her way.

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I think you have to let it go - its her life and her decision to make. For her it was the right decision to have the termination and you just have to let her deal with it. Plenty of us have got back with total arseholes when we knew we shouldn't have lol if you take out the termination aspect thousands of people do it every day for whatever reason.

 

Just be there when it goes tits up again like we all know it will

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i agree with erin and others, it may not be what you would have done, but thats the whole point. she is not you, so really all you can do is support her (not necessarily her choice) no matter what choices she makes.

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i have to agree with Abbie and the others - not to sound harsh but her decision is not really any of you (or your family's) business to judge. it might not be the decision you or I or a thousand other people would have made but it is the decision SHE made. i don't think she was asking anyone's permission KWIM?

 

i suggest practicing tolerance and acceptance in this case and being supportive of your cousin while she is going through a tough time, regardless of your personal opinion.

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I agree. I don't think it's your place to judge if her decision was valid or not. She made a very personal choice and it only concerns herself and the father of the baby.

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I have to agree that this was her choice that she made because she thought it was best for her. It may not be the choice you would have made and maybe it was selfish of her or maybe not but only she will really know that. You have to try and find a way to just let it go and move on...it's hard to see those you love make choices that from the outside seem so wrong or misguided but you really can't support her and judge her decision at the same time so you kinda have to pick which you would rather do...judge or support.

 

BUT just to throw my two sense in on getting back with the boyfriend...the first thing that came to my mind is she had an abortion because she thought it was the only way he would get back together with her (being that it said he didn't want kids and all). That may not be the real reason why...but it just popped in my head.

 

Again though...it all goes back to judging or supporting...sometimes you can't help but judge but you have to decide which direction is most important to you!

 

Good luck.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alyssa View Post
i have to agree with Abbie and the others - not to sound harsh but her decision is not really any of you (or your family's) business to judge. it might not be the decision you or I or a thousand other people would have made but it is the decision SHE made. i don't think she was asking anyone's permission KWIM?

i suggest practicing tolerance and acceptance in this case and being supportive of your cousin while she is going through a tough time, regardless of your personal opinion.
I couldn't have written it better myself.

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