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Can't afford a Wedding Party (DW Ettiquette)

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#11 kevsgirl

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    Posted 05 October 2008 - 06:34 PM

    So many people back out of destination weddings, from what I've heard and so many girls on here have had wedding party members back out, that I think it's safer to wait too until you know who's really going to come (and excited about the wedding)... for us, my sisters have been giddy about the wedding since Day 1. So after a few months, I asked them to be my BMs, and they're super excited. FI hasn't asked anyone, because his brother has been very indecisive and tends to flake on everything. He's booked now, but I still wouldn't be surprised if he backed out (his gf and kid did back out of a fully-paid with babysitting included trip).
    He may ask another friend to stand up for him who's booked, but we may just use my 2 sisters.

    It definitely limits the drama.

    Oh and we're not paying for them, but my father is helping one sister and my mother is heping the other sister (father and mother are divorced, mom lives in Australia with one sister the other sister lives with my dad in Ottawa).

    But I am making them extra special OOT bags, supplying their jewelry and their shoes too, I think.

    Good luck!

    #12 Yari

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      Posted 05 October 2008 - 07:22 PM

      We didn't pay for them at all.

      #13 Jen_S

      • Sr. Member
      • 3,737 posts

        Posted 05 October 2008 - 07:39 PM

        We are having a BM and MOH my brother and FI sister, which we are not paying for, however we are also having 2 FG and 1 RB which are our nieces and nephew which we are paying for the land is free at our resort so we are paying the air.
        Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

        #14 sstotz

        • Jr. Member
        • 298 posts

          Posted 05 October 2008 - 07:43 PM

          if that were the case, michael and I would have to be solo on our wedding day! haha.. im so glad thats not the norm!
          ~Soon to be Shanny May
          June 20th, 2009
          Cabo San Lucas, MX


          #15 bsullivan2

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            Posted 06 October 2008 - 01:29 PM

            We were torn on this subject as well. FI and I really wanted to make sure we had his best friend for the BM and my sister as my MOH. Realizing that they would not be able to afford the trip on their own and we would not be able to pay for their entire trips either, we talked to them and decided we would pay for their rooms up to 5 nights, anything more they would have to pay for and if they wanted to upgrade their room, they would have to pay for that as well. They also agreed to pay for their airfare.

            #16 Maura


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            • Wedding Location:Westin Los Cabos

            Posted 06 October 2008 - 01:36 PM

            for all the out of town weddings ive ever been in, not once has anyone ever offered to pay for my dress, travel, lodging, etc.

            in fact, i'm singing in a wedding in november for a friend, and she didnt even offer to buy the sheet music for $5. i had to go find & pay for it myself.

            we did not pay a dime toward anyone in our bridal party's travel or stay. we told them well in advance and were very upfront, we understand if you cant afford to go, but we can't afford to pay for you. the only person who ended up backing out was my own sister. my other 3 BMs were there without any bitching about cost. 2 were my best friends from college and the 3rd was my SIL.

            #17 neen

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              Posted 06 October 2008 - 01:54 PM

              I don't think you should worry about paying for your bridal party. That said, as my gift to my bridesmaids (my sisters) I paid for their airfare, but not out of our wedding budget, and for FI's groomsmen we bought their attire.

              We also split the cost of one of FI's sisters travel/lodging because they have 6 kids and we wanted them all to be there, so we thought it was only right.

              #18 sunsetbride1

              • Sr. Member
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                Posted 06 October 2008 - 03:29 PM

                I also did a lot of research on proper etiquette before even deciding on a DW. There are some more traditional informants that stated that the bride and groom should pay for their bridal party; other more recent sources I found said that there is nothing wrong with the bridal party paying their own way.

                That all being said, FI and I are paying for everything for the wedding ourselves and really cannot afford to pay for anyone else! We talked to everyone we wanted in our bridal party and our parents before we decided anything... asked them if they would be willing to participate in a DW and make it their summer vacation trip. We were very transparent about the whole process! All of them but one of FI's groomsmen (who we have since realized wasn't half as good of a friend as we thought) and my sister, decided that they would like it and have already placed deposits.

                I think its up to you and FI what you are comfortable doing.. =)

                #19 Archie510

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                  Posted 06 October 2008 - 03:40 PM

                  We're not paying for our guests or bridal party to attend!
                  That was the reason we decided to do a DW.
                  To reduce the cost of the wedding.

                  #20 ~*~Margie~*~

                  • Jr. Member
                  • 291 posts

                    Posted 06 October 2008 - 03:56 PM

                    I have found a couple sites that have "DW ettiquette" information on it (one being the Knot) I find that there are varying opinions on certain things. I read everything from "not obligated to pay" to "pay the whole thing". The one that I saw that made the most sense was to pay for 2 nights of their stay at the resort, they would be responsible for any other nights and their airfare. I offered this to my bridal party and they declined, they said they dont' expect me to pay for their "vacation" which I think is how alot of people look at. I just think DW ettiquette is so varied because people view it as a new trend. Just do whatever feels right and what fits your budget.

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