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In Dire Need of Sound Advice - PLEASE help!!!!!

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63 replies to this topic

#21 kevsgirl

  • Sr. Member
  • 1,209 posts

    Posted 08 August 2008 - 06:55 PM

    Originally Posted by AprilandPatrick
    When we announced our plans to his family they went crazy. First, we had to change our wedding date 4-times to accomodate his mother's travel schedule as she is a professional artist, and has several shows. Once we set a date, she threw a fit, becuase she would be out of town-the date has been scheduled for June 13, 2009. With the new date set she is still upset beuase it still interferes with her travel.

    Back to them going crazy. They have persistent on changing our mind to having a wedding in Oklahoma City
    April, I just have to sound in here too: I have had similar weirdness happen (though nowhere near as bad as you right now)... my mother who livesin Australia tried to talk me into havng our wedding here in Ottawa in the middle of winter... of all the insane things! Others tried to get us to wait til summer 2009. And in the end, we change the date 2x to accomodate others (once for his mom).
    In the end, we decided to just make our own decisions and to hell with everyone else.

    At some point you have to be able to just step back and say "This is the way that it is" and if they don't like it they can STFU, KWIM?

    Good luck with making them understand, but realize that you may never get through to them. That's OK. Over and above that you need to focus on enjoying the planning for both of you and your marriage. Sometimes it's not worth the effort trying to educate nutty people. :)

    BTW, FI's mom is still talking about our wedding to everyone who isn't invited. It's awkward, but I just run around behind her saying "It's going to be very small, only 15 people..." so they get the hint.

    Man, is it ever funny being a DW bride.

    P.S. I think that the letter should come from your FI, not you. BUt that's just my opinion. You shouldn't have to be the bad guy in this situation. It's his family. He should be the one to 'fight' the battle.

    #22 Jen_S

    • Sr. Member
    • 3,737 posts

      Posted 08 August 2008 - 07:29 PM

      I am very sorry to hear about your dad, he is in my thoughts.

      You should plan the wedding that you both want this is your wedding and your budget. If his family is not happy with the plans have you considered having a AHR after you return?
      Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

      #23 HotTamale

      • Jr. Member
      • 304 posts

        Posted 09 August 2008 - 12:17 PM

        Thanks! Still trying to figure everything out on here!

        #24 JoLo908

        • Member
        • 889 posts

          Posted 09 August 2008 - 01:14 PM

          I am getting the impression that everyone has oner or more people objecting to their choice for a destination wedding. But at the end of the day, it is the choice of the two of you. You should take her out to dinner maybe, and have your fiance share his feelings as well. So you are ALL on the same page... Good luck girl, I am keeping you in my prayers! With all that is going on in your life, you don't need the extra stress!!!

          #25 Chiquita

          • Sr. Member
          • 2,674 posts

            Posted 09 August 2008 - 01:23 PM

            Hmm.. I'm late to this thread but I agree with what everyone else has already said.

            You are paying for the wedding, you and FI have it exactly where and when you want and fuck everyone else.

            I also think FI is the one that has to get through to his family, not you. Whether that is with a letter or phone call or sitting them down and spelling it out for them.

            Good luck and let us know how things progress :)

            #26 luckygirl

            • Jr. Member
            • 339 posts

              Posted 11 August 2008 - 07:52 PM

              Originally Posted by Alyssa
              Hi April,

              Ok, I am going to respond in a bullet point fashion because you sound like such a nice person and i feel like FMIL is bullying you and it is pissing me off - since I am ing out of my mind, I am afraid that if I answer you in a paragraph form, I may freak out on your FMIL and FI's family .
              • This is your and FI's weddiing - you are on the same page that you want it in Mexico - not an option to have it ANYWHERE else.
              • YOU are paying for this wedding - if you don't have the wedding YOU and FI want, you will never, ever forgive yourself.
              • your FMIL needs to get over her-self - this isn't about her and if she can't 'accomodate' her own son's wedding, she has much bigger problems than travel dates.
              • I suggest putting an end to the madness and letting FMIL know that you and FI understand that this is not the exact situation she would like but this is when /where your wedding will be. Further, let her know that she is welcome to host and pay for an AHR for her friends and family that cannot make it if that is something important to her (don't you pay for that too!!)
              • Finally, if you allow FMIL and FI's family to control you now at the beginning of your marriage, it will never stop and continue to get worse.
              Good Luck and !
              I was just PMSing and it still ticks me of to read how insensitive the fmil is behaving. I totally agree with Alyssa....she read my mind and put into words.

              I'm sorry to hear about your father.

              #27 delauren

              • Newbie
              • 84 posts

                Posted 11 August 2008 - 08:22 PM

                I'm so sorry you are going through this - weddings seem to make everyone so crazy! I like the advice about having his mom pay for a party/wedding in Oklahoma but I'd say do it IN ADDITION to the wedding of your dreams in Mexico. I would also suggest having your FI speak to his mom about how she's treating you. You are going through a tough time and don't deserve the stress!!

                #28 beachbride08

                • VIP Member
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                  Posted 11 August 2008 - 09:29 PM

                  OK, your FMIL sounds like a total biotch! If she has to pencil in her son's wedding, then she needs to get her priorities straight. This is you and your FI's wedding and if you both want to have the wedding in Mexico then that is what you should do, especially if you are paying for it! Even if you had a wedding in Oklahoma there would still be people that couldn't make it, or comments said. I said f-em and do what you want, if you are having an AHR then you are doing more than enough. You or your FI just need to tell the biotch that this is the wedding that you want and this is what you are planning and you would love it if she could be there-end of story.

                  Second, I'm so sorry about your dad. I hope he gets better soon.

                  And last you and your FI are a ridiculously cute couple from the pic in your siggy.

                  #29 KLC77

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 2,207 posts

                    Posted 12 August 2008 - 12:16 AM

                    Ok, so I didn't read anyone else's response or if you have posted again since the first time. I would say that you have to have the wedding that you and your FI want regardless of what anyone else, including his mother, has to say about it. As long as FI agrees and it also makes him happy, then go for it. Why would you possibly pay for a wedding in a home town for a bunch of guests that his mother wants to invite when you've never met them? Having an AHR should solve that problem. Don't let anyone guilt or bully you into doing anything less than EXACTLY what will make you happy.

                    Also, with the stress of what is going on with your dad I would probably flip out and tell FMIL (and the rest of that family) that you don't need her/ them adding to your already stressful situation. A little empathy would be appreciated and they should just be happy no matter what you and FI decide because you make him happy.

                    I hope it all works out.

                    Our Awesome Wedding Pics: http://www.delsolpho...ings/kelly&ron/

                    #30 MelanieS

                    • Member
                    • 820 posts

                      Posted 12 August 2008 - 10:26 AM

                      April, I have to say that no matter how much you try to please his family, you won't succeed. They will always have their own opinions about the location, number of guests, your dress, his shoes, types of flowers, the wedding dinner menu - you get the picture. This would happen no matter where you choose to get married, so you need to do what is right for you and Patrick; this is your first test as a couple. Make your decisions based on what the two of you really want. Don't give anyone the option of telling you what THEY want, just say this is what WE, together, have chosen. Ask for their support but not their opinions.

                      Also, so sorry to hear about your Dad; he is in our prayers.

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