Vettiebean

Question for you ladies: What did you put as your RSVP deadline request for the DW? Im having an AHR (new development), but those RSVPs can be much closer to the actual date. For the DW though, I get a bit antsy and want to know how much of what I need to order as gifts and plan, etc. I don't have my dress either... If I want it bad enough, I will find a way to make it happen. Just haven't found "it" yet. November seems forever away. I feel like I'm sitting in purgatory!

The only thing I can think of which would change the cost of his services might be the number of guests/size of the wedding. SChica, if I recall, you've got a huge wedding planned. Lana, not sure how big yours will be, but mine is going to be very, verrrrry small. Under 15 most likely, and definitely under 20 people. Perhaps that's it?

Hi SChica, Sascha was going to charge you more, he wasn't spending the night, and wanted you to move around the events? (Checking to make sure I understood correctly) That's really surprising! Of course, I believe what you're saying is true, but we all have different experiences working with people. I'm just so surprised because it seems so different from any interaction I've had with him. Granted, we've only been back and forth via email a few times, but he seemed really accommodating and of the photographers who made my short list, he was very reasonably priced. And I'm a bride on a budget, so I definitely priced around first! Weeeird. I think the one night room thing is the most common at this point. But dammit, I want day passes instead! lol Stupid vendor rules... give us better options and more quality photogs and we wouldn't look elsewhere! grrr

Moon Palace 11.1.11 So, seeing a couple other MP early November brides on here! I definitely think we should all try to meet up for a drink and a picture So far, I've got 2 female guests, 5 male guests. Neither of our families are going (and we have siblings lol). I'm actually super happy with the size so far, if it's a bit bigger that's fine, too. But I honestly don't want a group larger than about 15. Haven't done much planning because there's not much you can do this far out with MP, it seems. And, we're having a small wedding, so after the ceremony we're just going to have dinner then party at the disco or around town. Sooo much left to do.. arg.

Okay, this deserves a bump! lol I've read all about gifts for guests, OOT bags, etc., but I absolutely love the teaser gifts! Any other ideas, ladies?? We asked for a 3 month RSVP deadline for the DW so that we could start our headcount and ordering gifts bit by bit for everyone (as well as plan everything). So, after the 3 month mark, I'll probably send out 2 or 3 teasers and then the main gifts I'll give out at the resort when I see everyone. Thinking maybe 60 days out, 30 days out, then the guests' final/main gifts given at the resort. MOH and BM dunno when they'll get theirs yet. I'll think about what to send out as teasers, but I love this!

So, I found this thread really interesting. My FI and I were just talking about this. It may be a difference in customs or culture... but I've never, ever even thought of asking my bridesmaids or groomsmen to purchase their own outfits. It would be absolute taboo. He has been in weddings before, will be in weddings over the summer, and he's always bought his own outfit or is expected to buy his own outfit. And before I explain everything, I will also add that FI and I are not rich by any means. We are soooo far from that word... Everything we do is a stretch in our budgets. As I'm asking someone to do me an honor by standing up for me in my wedding, and especially because this is a destination wedding, there was no question I'd be buying my MOH her dresses. (One for the beach ceremony, one for the AHR) In addition, I'm getting my MOH and FI's BM other gifts as well. And, on top of that, all of our guests are getting gifts as well. We know it's going to be hitting our budget, but it's a huge commitment for everyone attending. Time off work, spending their vacay time on you instead of going somewhere else, money to get there and stay there, etc. The MOH and BM plan the bach parties, bridal showers, help you pick out all these details... it's the least we can do. And while some dresses can be worn again, I think we all know some of these dresses won't ever see the light of day again. And, don't get me wrong, I take budgets into account (being on one myself). I know not everyone has tons of money, but I really think you should at least do this for them. I was really surprised to hear that all my FI got to be best man in someone else's wedding was a friggin tie! (And they spent well over 40k on their wedding... and 40 bucks on his tie? And yes, I know my ties well enough to know it was worth 40. And yes, I know it was a 40k wedding bc I have to listen to them complain about the cost every time we see talk to them.) Just my two cents ...

Diva girl, you KNOW you're going to be gorgeous and you're a work out freak. Ahhh I bet you're having such a wonderful time right now!! lol

Finally picked a suit! I am really tempted to buy another one also... but that's just because I'm a freak about these things. I like having options and comparing things until the last minute. (that's probably why it took so long to pick my dresses--yes, plural) Sooo... I initially wanted a tan suit. FI wanted black formal. I said no. You will burn in heat. FI learned to accept that tan might be in his near future... lol, so we just agreed with grey. We just ordered the suit, so it'll be here in about a week or two. Then, alternations. I love the color though and I think he's going to look great in them! (My sister said she knows it'll look good because the model looks like him lol. I don't necessarily agree.. but I can sorta see a resemblance.)

SASCHA GLUCK PHOTOGRAPHY: Hi everyone! If you're using Sascha or have used Sascha, can you please just tell us how you got him on site? I've heard everything from day passes to booking a night's stay to paying a vendor fee. I have gone through the thread and noticed a lot of confusion/questions over this, too. I am asking about Sascha specifically because I think La Luna/Del Sol are on some sort of approved vendors list, so it is probably different for them. Thank you SO much everyone!! Btw, I am so excited. His photos look fantastic!

Janet, loved reading it from your perspective! See, your considerations were wonderful, and having had close male friends myself, I can definitely relate. My FI is an amazing man, don't get me wrong. But there was a loooot of conversations where I had to explain to him how I felt, why I felt that way, how it was perceived to me, etc. He just didn't get it/didn't see it until I explained it all to him. And, I explained to him as well that once we got serious, my guy friends all backed off. Everyone who's met her all say she's nuts. lol "...but have you met her? She's NUTSO!" We did talk about the Indy trip. I can't recall exact wording bc it was days ago, but basically, I asked if she was going. He said he wasn't sure. I said it's totally cool with me if she does go, but he needs to know that her feelings for him have been confirmed. Thus, might be a good time to judge how she acts around us (mainly him) and if the message that she needs to back off doesn't seem clear, then it would be an opportune time for him to set her straight. Otherwise... I would. As it's his friendship, he gets first dibbs on making things right (setting boundaries, making decisions about her invite, etc.). But as his fiancee, I get second dibbs so I can make a final settlement when his overly nice nature doesn't work. We still don't know if she's going, but I guess we'll see soon enough! As for guest list stuff... home girl didn't make the cut for either Cancun or AHR. Once again, FI's call, not mine!

LOOOVE this thread! I really needed ideas. Thanks, ladies! So far, I'm paying for my MOH's two dresses (one for the beach and one for the formal AHR). And, I bought her a starfish necklace as a "Will you be my..?" gift that she can wear during the wedding/AHR as well as in the future just for fun. I plan on getting her: -tote bag (probably personalized) filled with everything below -Coach wrislet -dressy flip flops from Banana Republic -pashmina -barefoot sandals for the beach ceremony -purse holder (personalized) -keychain (personalized) -make up bag (personalized) -possibly other things as well We are staying at a resort where vacation dollars can be used at the spa, so we'd both be using those for our hair and make up. For the AHR, she does her own amazing hair and make up, so I'm not sure if she'll want someone else to do it or not. But if so, I'll pay for that as well. I figure she and her bf are paying serious bucks to be at TWO different wedding events. All week in Cancun, then off to Houston for the AHR. I really want her to know how much she's appreciated.

So, past weekend, FI and I went to meet up with one of FI's bff's and the bff's fiancee for a weekend getaway (let's just call them Dave and Sue for convenience). We all got drunk, me especially so, and I flat out asked Dave and Sue if they thought anything was up with that. Dave said he thought FI's female BFF was asexual. Sue and I got to talk a little more and she said that she knows the BFF had (may still have) feelings for FI. BFF told Sue this much was true and confirmed it. Well... good to know I wasn't overreacting and being paranoid for nothing! I actually see this as a completely positive thing. My suspicions have been confirmed and now I don't feel like they've grown distant because of my paranoia, but bc the broad has legitimate "i-want-to-hump-your-bones" feelings for my FI. We all had plans to meet up in Indy for a gathering of all his old friends, and BFF usually goes as well. So, gonna ask what the plans are for the trip and just let him know that it's fine if she goes, but he needs to know the feelings have been confirmed. I actually feel less enraged by it knowing the feelings are confirmed. Now i'm not doubting myself or feeling like i'm going crazy, and FI knows to keep everything in check. Will let you lovely ladies know if anything else develops.

So, I woke up with "Havaaaa Nagila Havvvaaaa .... " stuck in my head. I'm (for all relevant purposes here) Vietnamese Catholic, and my FI is Russian Jewish (with a hint of Welsh somewhere in the background). All of FI's childhood best friends are also Jewish. One of his best friends is Jewish (FI is the best man), and his fiancee is Christian. So, we all spent the weekend together and were talking wedding stuff, which made me think of Hava Nagila. Of course, I think it would be so much fun to do and I'm sure FI is looking forward to it for our AHR. But, I just couldn't stop laughing at all the funny images in my head. Now, I know every now and then, we Asians get a Yao Ming, but that's not very common and especially for Vietnamese men. So, imagine a bunch of thin, slender, short Vietnamese men carrying this large Russian Jewish man. lol hahahaha!!! Thank goodness FI's friends will be there, too, but still... lol can you imagine? FI is about 6'2" - 6'3" and probably 200ish pounds. The other thing is thinking about how to incorporate all of our individual customs into a reception that flows. For the Vietnamese side, we have to go around to all the tables and greet the guests (and pick up envelopes of $!) and I have to wear my traditional dress. But for Hava Nagila, I want to wear my wedding dress. And then there's the question of whether or not the other side will understand what's going on at the moment. Can't imagine a lot of older Vietnamese people really knowing what's going on when we start pulling chairs onto the dance floor. lol Oh well... guess we'll see! Luckily, I've got lots of time to plan.

Ahh! lol I know what you mean. You're lucky that you actually got to go to India, though! I'm having to pick through my dad in Vietnam! So he's having to send me pictures while I give my "yay" or "nay" thousands of miles away. I'm finding that combining a destination wedding, along with my cultural roots, and then my fiance's culture is a lot to figure out, but so much fun! I'm Vietnamese, he's Jewish. How is it for you?

Hi Schica! Thanks for the info! It definitely helped. Going on a site visit would mean pushing back paying for/buying other things.... but at this point, I think it might be worth it. I am so beyond exhausted and stressed, I think I'll have a meltdown if we don't go somewhere! Hubs can really use it, too. These 18 hour days are really starting to drain him. On the chance that we do get to go, I'm going to fill out the form and send it in asap!

Hi! I am about to go crazy from all the stresses of life right now, so now I'm trying with all my might to find a way to do a site visit. As it turns out, I have a trip coming up in April for my fiance. He has a reunion with all of his college buddies in Indianapolis. Anyhow, as far as airfare is concerned, it's apparently cheaper to include a flight to Cancun before coming back to LA, than to just book a flight straight back from IND to LAX. So if you any of you other brides have trips coming up, see if sneaking in a flight to CUN is cheaper, too! SChica, when you booked your 226/night visit, did you receive all the other normal privileges? I know you said airport transfers are extra--how much were they? And, did you still get the promotional resort credit with the days you stayed for the site visit? Thanks so much & congrats on making it official!! SITE_INSPECTION_FORM.doc

Ah ha! Ok... after lots of thinking and lots of talking it over with my little sister and mom, we decided to go ahead with a Nov 12 date. Both my mom and little sister said that we should do what's most convenient for us, that my sister would understand, and that it's out of our control that my sister is in prison and we don't know her release date. It made me feel better to have my mom and little sis say that. Another thing I hadn't thought of until Courtney mentioned a possible January date was that my sister is likely having a party to welcome her home. If she gets out in Dec, we'd prob have the party late Dec or Jan. I wouldn't want the AHR date to be too close to her party and take away any of the spotlight. She deserves a weekend to herself. And, it's easy for me to run away for a weekend and just celebrate. Much harder to find four or so days where both FI and I can get away and take care of the AHR. FI doesn't have real vacation days like a normal job. lol He works pretty much nonstop, and between FI and his business partner, one always has to be in town (which is another reason why finding dates was so hard). Thanks for the input, Courtney! I feel a lot better having that sorted out.

SOOOO glad this thread is up! There's no way we could afford to do a site visit, so this is the best alternative! I am having a hard time choosing between Sunrise (bc I hear that's where all the fun is) and Grand (bc I hear it's beautiful and new), so hoping that this helps! Thank you ladies!

Audra & Jeff, Congratulations!! I couldn't have said it better myself! We've had such bad luck lately, we were thrilled to get such amazing news. When are you getting married? Will you be sharing your love story as well?

Derek & Lorena, I can't say "thank you" enough and explain how much this means to us. I called Jake to tell him the good news and the bad news... "bad news... we didn't win the grand prize.... good news! they added two other prizes and we won one!" He was excited and probably so happy that I was so happy! We couldn't have asked for better, more uplifting news right now. Thank you so much for being so kind and offering brides like me a chance at doing a TTD! We can't wait to work with you two! Thank you!! Julien and Jake

The second pair is VERY cute!! I really like them a lot. I think it depends on your dress... but that said, I actually have the BMs. LOVE them! Surprisingly comfortable and really cute. I had to order a half size down, though!

Absolutely love it! Exactly what I was looking for. Initially, we were going to do tan, but FI pretty much refused. I refused to dark suits... kept telling him he was going to roast. So, we finally agreed with a light grey suit lol We may try to hit the outlets and see if we get lucky. The last suit FI bought was CK for under $100 at the outlet!

Hi fellow planning buddies, I have some serious stress going on right now. Forget the whole CA Bar Exam thing that I'm taking in two weeks. Figuring out an AHR date (and the AHR in general) is going to be the thing that puts me over the edge and just kills me. Let me start by saying while I call it an AHR, it's more like a really fancy luncheon. We're inviting around 30 people, including kids, and having a private event at a really nice restaurant. Hors d'Oeuvres, sit down luncheon, dessert, cake... but no big party/dancing. We're doing this for our parents. Neither FI's parents nor mine are coming to our DW. But, FI is the baby in his family and first to marry. I'm the third of four daughters (18 years between oldest and youngest siblings), but first to have a wedding. I have a sister who got knocked up and eloped. Ideally, logistically, in a world of ease, FI and I would have our AHR on November 12, 2011. It just makes sense. Our DW is 11/1/11 and we're planning on leaving Cancun on Nov 8 or 9. The AHR is going to be in Texas, where my family lives. FI's parents are planning on flying out for it so everyone can meet. Well, we live in LA. As far as asking for time of work and travel arrangements are concerned, it is a lot easier to ask for one large chunk of time off than to ask for a week and a half off, then another half a week off later. For flights, if we don't have to fly back to LA, then make one more RT to Texas, than we'd be saving on two tickets to get from LA to TX. Plus, we'd be fresh from Cancun, totally still on top of the world, and feeling in the "wedding moment". Here's my problem. My oldest sister, who I'm very close to, is in prison. Yup. Prison. Nothing violent, don't worry. Anyhow, she might get out of prison in September, or December, or March, all depending on if there's room for her at the relocation/transition house. September seems full, so she would likely be released in December. No clue when in December though. At this point, we don't even have a clue when we'll know for sure when she'll be released. I would love for her to be at the AHR. Absolutely love it. Of all my sisters, I'm closest to her. But, I'm about to have an anxiety attack planning around her uncertainty. If we had the AHR in Dec, we'd have to have it around xmas, which FI feels presents some problems in itself for others. We can't do NYE bc FI always works NYE. We'd have to just plan for as close to the end of the month as possible bc to try to make it late enough in the month for my sister to be able to attend. It really puts a strain on us financially and logistically. Venues usually charge more for December events than other months because of all the holiday parties. I should also mention that I absolutely despise one of my sisters. She is the most manipulative, conniving, evil, ill intentioned, lying, throw-our-own-mother-under-a-bus-to-save-her-ass, creature on Earth (and I used to work at a criminal defense firm). Well, I told my parents that out of love and respect for them, I will bite my tongue and pride and invite this evil wench and her family to my dinner. I made it very clear it was ONLY for them. Well, the idea of this piece of trash being there and my good sister not being there is really bugging me. FI has expressed his preference to have the AHR on Nov. 12. But he also says he wants me to be happy with the decision 30 years on and not have regrets. Personally, I'm so conflicted. I do want to have the AHR on the 12th, but I feel very guilty about not waiting till December. I don't care about most people or what they think, but I do care about her a lot. I know most people will say, "think about what's most important to you," well I don't have an answer for that. While I love my sister to bits, I also feel like as husband and wife, we need to figure out what will be best for both of us. We're not rich by any means, so having this event at all is already a very big stretch. Having to reach an even higher food/bev minimum to hold AHR in Dec will be even harder on us. Feeling very conflicted. Words of wisdom, anyone? Thanks in advance.

Sometimes, having a future hubby to just make/stick to a decision is a really good thing! I know when I'm feeling torn or indecisive, having FI make the decision for me makes me feel better. Hopefully, it'll relieve some of your stress as well. Have you considered having a party/AHR when you get back from the DW? I agree that the news just concentrates on the violence and crime in Mexico. But, you could always counter the news media with gossip/celebrity media! A few of us brides were actually talking about the violence/crime in another thread, and I'd made the comment that invitees must have missed the media coverage on the several celebrities loungin' and partying it up in Cabo over the holidays. It's like there was some special celebrity group meeting there over the holidays! I'm happy you've never seen violence in Chicago. You're fortunate. I think where you are and location is only a portion of it. Obviously, don't go walking around alone in sketchy neighborhoods at night. But crime occurs everywhere, not just in sketchy neighborhoods. Statistics show that Gold Cost has one of the highest crime rates, as per my old criminal law/crim procedure/con law professor. I lived in the Gold Coast, right by the Hancock (off Delaware and State), and was attacked and assaulted. That is pretty prime real estate as far as Chicago is concerned. There were several break ins in my high rise building and in the parking garages (which were around 285/month to park), and NO ONE with a brain walked the two blocks to the McDonalds down the street on State St past 10pm. I was surrounded by some of the most upscale shopping a girl could love, and some of the highest crime rates the city has to offer. I would take the train to/from work and have seen some pretty horrible fights. (Imagine someone getting beat with a sock filled with coins, or a fight with a guy using his big bike lock.) There's no real control over who is allowed to go where on the public transit system or in a city. But your guests should have some comfort in knowing resorts are usually very careful about checking all types of ID, confirmation, reservations before you pass multiple check points and guarded gates to enter the premises.

Obviously, everything we write on here is simply opinion. Here's mine: You and your FI should sit down and talk about what's most important to you. Dream wedding or having loved one around you? For me, I'm Vietnamese and my father expects a 400 person wedding, 8 course meal, all day events, and at least 40k in expenses. That's not going to happen. So for a number of reasons, it was easy for us to choose a destination wedding. None of our family is going, and we are more than okay with that. As long as I'm marrying my man and we're surrounded by happiness, I don't really care who's around. Instead, we've decided to do our own thing, live out our dream of getting married on a beach close to sunset, and then go to Texas for a small, intimate dinner with our family and very close friends who couldn't attend the DW. The dinner will be very small, simple, fairly casual, but it is a fair trade to involve our parents and still have what we want. I see you're from Chicago.... but you're worried about the crime in Mexico? I just moved from Chicago, and there's no shortage of violence and crime in that city, either. The violence and crime isn't happening on the resort grounds, and not as much in the resort cities, and all travelers know to be cautious when traveling. I think a few other brides share your worries, and I can understand and respect that perspective, but try not to worry too much... Pretty sure I saw more crime occur in a week in Chicago than I will in Mexico.