It's, of course, a more expensive option but if that's in your budget it sounds like a great idea! You won't have to worry about traveling with all of the items and it's still something that shows your appreciation to your guests.
That is so awful! Yes they may be hosting this reception but that looks bad on you guys! I also think your husband should talk with them and get it all straightened out. If they have all this money and are throwing this huge party, I don't know why it seemed necessary to her to DIY. Especially if she had other things to do. Sorry you have to deal with this. It'll all work out!
We haven't done this yet but we plan to open a joint checking and savings account and then keeping our own checking account. We're going to use our joint account for all of our expenses. We'll put a certain percentage (TBD) in our separate checking accounts to spend on whatever our hearts desire That way we can spend it on whatever we want without having to explain it to the other. I think it'll work out great.