Hi everyone,
I am some what of a newbie in need of some moral support. I am not a bride to be but I am planning on renewing our vows in June 08. We will be married 25yrs. This has been a bad week for me. I just went yesterday for my annual GYN exam and had my first mamogram. At my gyn exam the doc says there looked like something odd but lets wait until the pap results come back. Then I go for the mamo and the tech goes, we tell all of our ladies this, especiallialy the ones that don't have a mamogram to compare to, that when you get the results in the mail, it may say to come back for more testing but it's probably nothing. So, here I am thinking I have 7-10 days to hope nothing comes back. Well, not so lucky. I got a call today that says I need to come back in for more views and an ultrasound!! I am so scared and all I have been doing is crying since I got home from work. My hubby is out of town on a job and won't be back until next week after I go back in for more tests. My 18 y/o daughter seen me crying and asked what was wrong and I told her, that is the first time in a long time that she came up to me and hugged me. She is not the huggy/loveable daughter. Then she said, mom, that is what Jack's mom just died from! This should be a happy time for me, planning my vow renewal ceremony, excited to be married to an awesome guy for this long. When I was talking to him on the phone he knew something more was wrong. I tried to tell him nothing but that didn't work. I told him that if it is cancer and had to have a mastectomy that he would leave me. He said I knew that is what you are afraid of. Then he said the best thing, we have been through hell and back and you are stuck with me, I didn't marry you for your body, even though I love it, I married you because I love you and we are in this together. Even though I know no one can make those promises, I really believe he wouldn't leave me, but there is still that doubt in the back of my mind.
I also don't want to die. I want to see my kids graduate from college and have a family of their own. Is that too much to ask for? I am too young for this to be happening to me. I just got over having back surgery 6 months ago.
I'm sorry if I am bringing all you happy people down, I just needed to vent and I have read how uplifting everyone here is. I am not asking for sympathy, just some prayers thrown my way.
Sorry this is so long, thanks for letting me vent and "listening" to my problems.