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Advice, please... FMIL wants to go dress shopping

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#1 becks



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    Posted 16 January 2008 - 11:37 AM

    Hi Ladies! Need some assistance telling my FMIL no.

    The other night, FI was talking with his mom and she offered to come dress shopping with me since my mom can't (she's on the West coast, I'm in NY). FMIL is really lovely. Sweet, helpful, kind and... insistent. REALLY insistent and sometimes overbearing.

    FI (bless him) tabled the issue telling her that I was only looking at things online at the moment. But I know that its going to come up again. And it's not that I don't want her to help but... actually that's exactly it. I don't want her involved in my dress... in any way. We have different styles, different tastes, different notions of budget... everything.

    So, how do I tell her to butt out without making her feel like I don't appreciate the offer? Because I do appreciate the offer... but OH H3LL NO!!

    Thanks in advance!!!

    Happily married since 2008

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    #2 Jones4Me

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      Posted 16 January 2008 - 11:49 AM

      WOW! Wish I had some super advice here.... But, I do not. I am sure some of the other ladies will have ideas. I don't have a FMIL to deal with and my forner MIL was not as thoughtful as to offer to help with ANYTHING. Good luck!

      #3 LisaG

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        Posted 16 January 2008 - 12:04 PM

        Maybe you can go and just not tell her when you're going. Just say, Oh I already went, if she asks?? You know...my MIL went both times with me, as did my mom, MOH and SIL. I thought since she had very different taste, we would clash, but it was actually alot of fun. Maybe if you have friends with you so it's not one on one - - it might be o.k.?? Maybe not though.

        #4 DanielleNDerek

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          Posted 16 January 2008 - 12:53 PM

          Maybe you could go and not tell her. Act like it was spare of the moment or that you were just running in the salon to look and than actually found your dress. And say to her "Sorry I found my dress, but I could use your help with ________" Could you think of anything she could help you with?
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          #5 starchild



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            Posted 16 January 2008 - 01:02 PM

            LIE and say you already went, or your mom is flying in, it's better than telling her she is too insistent and it's not her wedding! LOL Or, as Lisa said, take someone with you and FMIL that has taste more similar to yours. That way you have more than one opinion to go on (and an ally if she starts to drive you mad!).

            #6 Chiquita

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              Posted 16 January 2008 - 05:52 PM

              You could say something like, "thanks so much for offering to come, but my bridesmaids and I are going to go together" or something to that effect. Then try to get her to help with something else... if you want!

              #7 JessicaM

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                Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:02 PM

                The same thing happened to me. my FMIL wanted to go and kept asking (we already don't have a great relationship and she only wanted to go because he wanted to voice her opinion AGAIN) Anyway I just told her it was something my mom and I wanted to do together, that is was something we had been looking forward to for a while. I didn't mention that my two other friends also went but that seems to work!


                #8 JUSTUSTWO


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                  Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:12 PM

                  Originally Posted by becks
                  ... but OH H3LL NO!!

                  Thats cute!! You are not playing huh?? LOL...I agree with the other girls in just going & not telling her. Just act like you went on the spur of the moment. Like, you were at the mall & you passed a bridal shop & saw a huge SALE sign in the window so you went in & its a done deal. What could she possibly say to that?

                  #9 CTHawaii14

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                    Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:16 PM

                    OMG. I feel your pain. My FMIL is so insistent on what she wants that it seems like it is her wedding. I cant stand it. Its MY wedding!!!! Also she thinks that she can have me all to herself and gets mad when I invite other people. Its so overwhelming.

                    The only thing I can say is good luck! Maybe when you have the time to go she will be busy or something.

                    If you think of any other excuses let me know. I may need to use them.

                    #10 melglnh2o

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                      Posted 16 January 2008 - 08:01 PM

                      I agree with the other ladies as to the spur of the moment but you could offer to go dress shopping to find a dress for her. Turn the tables!!

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