Pressure To Have Ath

[nadiakat17]

 

i am compromising and having an "AHR" but it is going to be really informal, BBQ kind of event  at my family lakehouse and I am going to think of it more as a yay we are married now party-  not wearing my wedding dress, dont want presents, etc. I am mainly just doing it for the grandparents, aunts/uncles that cant come bc i think pretty much any of my other friends/fam either cant come regardless or is coming. Maybe some of my friends will come again and just hang out.  I have literally not put anymore thought into planning it though or thinking of budget, decorations or anything- i have a feeling since Im getting married in March I will send something out after I get back for like August or something, bc there is no way I could plan this out now. To each their own, but I just personally felt like the whole point of having a destination wedding was to keep it small and cut down on costs and not have to have a huge banquet hall style wedding.

[Mrsktobe]

I wish I could communicate this to my parents... Ughhh

[tygrrlily]

We're not having one either.  We thought about it for a while and I actually looked into venues, but Toronto prices quickly made us decide to go on vacation with the money instead! Ha . What the ladies above say is true.  If people want to come to your wedding, they will come to your wedding.  I want to focus on our wedding in Mexico, not another reception here at home

 

We did have 2 engagement parties to deal with the pressure - 1 with friends so we could party/celebrate with friends unable to come to the wedding, and another for family and family friends to appease my parents. The family one was pretty big (80 people or so) and we put a lot of our cultural wedding stuff into that one

 

Stay strong and definitely do want you want to! I liked the advice above of telling people you are focussing on your DW!

[puravida2015]

Not doing it. If our families want us to have an AHR then I will simply tell them they'll have to host it. 

[Maggietron]

I'm planning to just have an informal beach party or something the summer after the wedding at home. We're only inviting immediate family to the ceremony, so we figured we could have a party with the extended family on my side (all 45 of them, hence the small wedding!) to celebrate since they're bound to be upset when they don't get an invite.  I wanted to just do one of the potlucks my family usually does for beach parties, but my FH thinks it would be tacky, so I figure I'll just give my brother who works at Costco like $500 and have him pick up a bunch of meat and salad stuff. I might try to get my favourite Ethiopian restaurant to make me up a big tray of my favourite dish as well. No decorations, no speeches, although I did agree to wear the dress again. 

 

I have no idea if his family will expect us to do something in his hometown as well. 

[TinkerSofi]

We're doing a reception in Argentina but I don't know if that would be considered an AHR? My dad is paying for it and we're doing it because of my extended family's financial situation and the country's economic crisis, they just couldn't make it to Mexico. I'll wear my dress again  . My only regret about having the wedding in Mexico is that my grandparents (and other extended family) couldn't attend. It makes me feel quite selfish, so I was really happy when my dad offered to pay for a dinner/party over there  . Juan doesn't really talk with any of his extended family so we won't have to have another one in Colombia haha. 

[spjwedding]

@@calgarybride2015 lol that is an amazing point! Somehow I talked myself into another party by fam and friends who were unhappy we decided to go to Mexico

[cfinkenbine]

Unless someone wants to pay for an AHR, there is no way we are doing one! I have a lot of family who cannot attend my wedding. We also chose a destination wedding to keep costs down, and an AHR will just add to the cost. When we started planning our wedding, we had lots of people who asked if we were doing an AHR and we immediately told everyone NO. Our guests just knew that from the beginning and have not brought it up again! Hope this helps!

[TheBHolders]

I've been thinking about having an AHR. However we chose a DW because we would have at least 200 people at our wedding.. YIKES for that bill. I created a secret facebook group for my guests so that I can send them emails and updates. My mom started adding people to this group. Apparently theyre family and "should" be invited. We were really only inviting immediate family members and friends.... Ie. people we know. So after a back and forth with my mom. I say well just get your list and send me the addresses. Now, my mom is saying that she wants to host an AHR.... WHATEVER! At this point I really don't care, I just hope people dont see it as an alternative to our DW. Final payments for my June wedding are due in April. I will tell her that this AHR cannot be announced until after the required payments are paid. I will be willing to have something for the 4th of July or on my grandparents wedding anniversary in August. It's just funny that when family was pressuring us to not have a DW, we said we really can't afford paying for everyone... no one volunteered to help.

[cfinkenbine]

@@TheBHolders Just remember that your wedding is the one time you can say this is all about YOU (and hubby to be of course). Even with family pressure, do what makes you both happy. And I agree, your DW should be the priority, book all of that first before you think about the AHR. Good luck!