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Uninvited Guest !!!!!venting!!!


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#21 Maria Tripaldi

Maria Tripaldi
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    Posted 01 February 2013 - 05:07 PM

    Girls, 
    I feel your pain. It is REALLY important that you state with clarity, love and respect your points of view. As a planner, i have been asked by the mother of the groom a few years ago to put a few more chairs for some friends that were not even contemplated by the couple!!

    I informed and they put their foot down. But - uuuh- that is a delicate issue.... family relations sometimes are tender when it comes to wedding day. Extended families and their game strategy is not always an easy game, so I am WITH you ALL : be assertive, build team with you man and all (eventually) will be well.

    Do not let anyone spoil your day.

    Maria



    #22 MK71809

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      Posted 01 February 2013 - 07:02 PM

      I don't think u can expect ur friend 2 come alone n not want a friend with them. I personally wouldn't go alone. Just explain 2 ur friend that u'd rather the other person step out of any personal wedding photos. On ur wedding day u won't care who's there! Believe me! :)) Good luck with the soon 2 be MIL! Uggggg Kara Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

      #23 mrsnova

      mrsnova
      • Jr. Member
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        Posted 01 February 2013 - 08:11 PM

        Originally Posted by newbiebridetobe 

        I have to weigh in on this one...because I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! 

         

        During our invitation time my future mother in-law pulled something similar.  It was decided that my FI would deal with it.  Unfortunately he caved and we were left inviting people I had never met before (friends of his parents) and people that WE just didn't want to be there.  If I had to go back and do it again I think I would have planned a firm sit-down with both of our parents and laid down the ground rules re: invites.  That potentially could have saved some stress and grief.  I have since let that one go....only because I had to....it's not worth it to let it ruin your day.

         

        We are now three weeks away and we have had one couple (who were not invited) book, apparently because they think it's a fun crowd coming (which it is!).  My FI friends are also dating some young girls and apparently they think that it's ok for them to invite their friends as well.  We now have a few girls jump on the trip who were not invited as well. 

         

        I still can't wrap my head around what some people are thinking inviting themselves to someone elses wedding.  My FI and I have chatted about it and we think people a) probably thing the wedding is not costing us anything therefore they could just come (boy, are they incorrect!) and B) people probably don't consider the trip to be an extension of the wedding day (i.e., they think that they can just come on the trip uninvited but not come to wedding).

         

        We have decided to bite our tougues and include everyone in the wedding.  Yes, this has involved more money and some last minute planning but it is worth it to us to keep people happy.

         

        The exception to this is if any of these people make me feel uncomfortable leading up to or on my wedding day.  If that's the case then the "keeping people happy" plan goes out the window and I will have no problem telling people that they are no longere welcome to attend!

         

        Bottomline......you are not alone.  In the end you need to do what is best for you and your FI.

        wow that really sucks that people would invite their friends that you didnt invite...that is a lot different than bringing a guest to room with! no would ever do that st a non-DW!

         

        either way your day will be beautiful and perfect and I guess at this point you just have to try to ignore it and not let it ruin your day:/


        Married to the man of my dreams 3.1.13!!
        wedding website: http://kaelaandjoel.ourwedding.com/
        planning thread: http://www.bestdesti...g-thread-3-1-13

        #24 MK71809

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          Posted 02 February 2013 - 04:33 AM

          I guess it really depends, I can understand where everyone is coming from. This is both of our 2nd marriage n we r a "little" bit older then we were when we first got married so when we send out invites our guest know that it's not just a party for everyone. So I do feel ur pain, I can only imagine inviting single guys/girls or guys dating young girls n them thinking it a big party. I'm sorry ur going through this, u don't need the extra stress. I do feel that it would not be fun 2 go alone but I'm thinking a different situation then ur actually dealing with, ur people r seeing it as a big frat party :( Put ur foot down or have ur fianc© speak with those guest! Kara

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by newbiebridetobe 

          I have to weigh in on this one...because I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! 

           

          During our invitation time my future mother in-law pulled something similar.  It was decided that my FI would deal with it.  Unfortunately he caved and we were left inviting people I had never met before (friends of his parents) and people that WE just didn't want to be there.  If I had to go back and do it again I think I would have planned a firm sit-down with both of our parents and laid down the ground rules re: invites.  That potentially could have saved some stress and grief.  I have since let that one go....only because I had to....it's not worth it to let it ruin your day.

           

          We are now three weeks away and we have had one couple (who were not invited) book, apparently because they think it's a fun crowd coming (which it is!).  My FI friends are also dating some young girls and apparently they think that it's ok for them to invite their friends as well.  We now have a few girls jump on the trip who were not invited as well. 

           

          I still can't wrap my head around what some people are thinking inviting themselves to someone elses wedding.  My FI and I have chatted about it and we think people a) probably thing the wedding is not costing us anything therefore they could just come (boy, are they incorrect!) and B) people probably don't consider the trip to be an extension of the wedding day (i.e., they think that they can just come on the trip uninvited but not come to wedding).

           

          We have decided to bite our tougues and include everyone in the wedding.  Yes, this has involved more money and some last minute planning but it is worth it to us to keep people happy.

           

          The exception to this is if any of these people make me feel uncomfortable leading up to or on my wedding day.  If that's the case then the "keeping people happy" plan goes out the window and I will have no problem telling people that they are no longere welcome to attend!

           

          Bottomline......you are not alone.  In the end you need to do what is best for you and your FI.

          wow that really sucks that people would invite their friends that you didnt invite...that is a lot different than bringing a guest to room with! no would ever do that st a non-DW!

           

          either way your day will be beautiful and perfect and I guess at this point you just have to try to ignore it and not let it ruin your day:/

          Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

          #25 newbiebridetobe

          newbiebridetobe
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            Posted 02 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

            It makes sense for singles to bring a guest to room with.....whoever that extra person may be.  We would encourage and support that.  What's frustrating to us are all of the extra people booking who were not invited and who are not coming as a +1......they are a just coming.

             

            I really think it's difficult for people to understand that the whole week required an invitation.....not just the ceremony and reception.



            #26 jewelroc44

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              Posted 02 February 2013 - 02:07 PM

              Hi Ladies, I really need help/advice from someone who feels my pain! So our invitations went out about a month ago and now we are six months away from our wedding.  Now my future mother-in-law decided that she needs six invitations to invite her friends that I didn't plan on inviting. Is it me or is that insane? I just don't think it's fair especially since my fiance and I are paying for everything AND we sat down six months ago (a year before the wedding) and created our guest list that I planned our wedding around. What do I do??? I so badly want to put my foot down and say no to her but I don't know if I have it in me. What I do know is that we are on a budget. Also, my friend decided that she would bring a guest to my wedding. She RSVP'd with their names and meal choices already. I know it's just one other person but the whole point of a destination wedding was to get away and NOT have random people at our wedding that we did not personally invite. I addressed each invite to a specific person but I didn't write the number of guests allowed on the response card so I feel like it's partially my fault. How can I tell her without hurting our friendship that her friend cannot come to the wedding? Can I even do that? Oh the joy of wedding planning!



              #27 jewelroc44

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                Posted 02 February 2013 - 02:14 PM

                Listen nip it in the bud! No reason to explain, these are grown women, to be honest my FI listed 5 people, butI know there are more people...make your destination wedding just what it is, each person pays for themselves, that way they will think twice before including friends and other guest. You have an A & B list, once you get passed your allowed number list B has to pay. Dont stress on your day!!

                #28 jewelroc44

                jewelroc44
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                  Posted 02 February 2013 - 02:24 PM

                  univited guest should not be allowed to your wedding. Husband & wife, partners & partners, close family or friend who you are also very close to thier parents or parent, but the invitations should not alow them to self invite, heck marj it for them do not give tgem an option!! period!! good luck!!

                  #29 Billandstina

                  Billandstina
                  • Jr. Member
                  • 396 posts

                    Posted 02 February 2013 - 02:46 PM

                    I feel your pain y'all! We made sure the singles knew they could invite their significant others and we're only inviting family so I didn't think we'd have to deal with any of this when I started getting RSVP's through our website of people we'd never heard of (its password protected so it was only family viewing it). It turns out the FI's single cousin had decided this was spring break and instead of inviting his girlfriend had invited a bunch of guys!!! Ummmmm this is NOT ok!! I told the FI he better nip it in the bud (especially when family members hasn't even booked yet) because if he thinks for two seconds this is spring break he has another thing coming! Lucky me, I robbed the cradle and sometimes he's still a 12 year old, but I've told him that if he's drunk the entire week I'll turn and walk the other way when I get to the top of the aisle!!! Lololololol! Is that bad? I just don't get the nerve of some people! I would NEVER invite myself or book a trip to someone's Family-only wedding, especially not knowing either the bride or groom! Insane!! Lol

                    #30 newbiebridetobe

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                      Posted 02 February 2013 - 03:03 PM

                      Originally Posted by Billandstina 

                      I feel your pain y'all! We made sure the singles knew they could invite their significant others and we're only inviting family so I didn't think we'd have to deal with any of this when I started getting RSVP's through our website of people we'd never heard of (its password protected so it was only family viewing it). It turns out the FI's single cousin had decided this was spring break and instead of inviting his girlfriend had invited a bunch of guys!!! Ummmmm this is NOT ok!! I told the FI he better nip it in the bud (especially when family members hasn't even booked yet) because if he thinks for two seconds this is spring break he has another thing coming! Lucky me, I robbed the cradle and sometimes he's still a 12 year old, but I've told him that if he's drunk the entire week I'll turn and walk the other way when I get to the top of the aisle!!! Lololololol! Is that bad? I just don't get the nerve of some people! I would NEVER invite myself or book a trip to someone's Family-only wedding, especially not knowing either the bride or groom! Insane!! Lol

                      Hahahahahaha......Billandstina.....loved your post!  So much of that is familiar to me!  My fiance is "allowed" two "messy" nights....no questions asked!

                       

                      Sounds like this is common practice!






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