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Uninvited Guest !!!!!venting!!!


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#1 Melissa14

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 05:11 PM

Hi Ladies,

 

I really need help/advice from someone who feels my pain!

 

So our invitations went out about a month ago and now we are six months away from our wedding.  Now my future mother-in-law decided that she needs six invitations to invite her friends that I didn't plan on inviting. Is it me or is that insane? I just don't think it's fair especially since my fiance and I are paying for everything AND we sat down six months ago (a year before the wedding) and created our guest list that I planned our wedding around. What do I do??? I so badly want to put my foot down and say no to her but I don't know if I have it in me. What I do know is that we are on a budget.

 

Also, my friend decided that she would bring a guest to my wedding. She RSVP'd with their names and meal choices already. I know it's just one other person but the whole point of a destination wedding was to get away and NOT have random people at our wedding that we did not personally invite. I addressed each invite to a specific person but I didn't write the number of guests allowed on the response card so I feel like it's partially my fault. How can I tell her without hurting our friendship that her friend cannot come to the wedding? Can I even do that?

 

Oh the joy of wedding planning!


Marrying My 5th Grade "Boyfriend"...Life has a funny way of working itself out


#2 mrsnova

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    Posted 28 January 2013 - 06:46 PM

    Originally Posted by Melissa14 

    Hi Ladies,

     

    I really need help/advice from someone who feels my pain!

     

    So our invitations went out about a month ago and now we are six months away from our wedding.  Now my future mother-in-law decided that she needs six invitations to invite her friends that I didn't plan on inviting. Is it me or is that insane? I just don't think it's fair especially since my fiance and I are paying for everything AND we sat down six months ago (a year before the wedding) and created our guest list that I planned our wedding around. What do I do??? I so badly want to put my foot down and say no to her but I don't know if I have it in me. What I do know is that we are on a budget.

     

    Also, my friend decided that she would bring a guest to my wedding. She RSVP'd with their names and meal choices already. I know it's just one other person but the whole point of a destination wedding was to get away and NOT have random people at our wedding that we did not personally invite. I addressed each invite to a specific person but I didn't write the number of guests allowed on the response card so I feel like it's partially my fault. How can I tell her without hurting our friendship that her friend cannot come to the wedding? Can I even do that?

     

    Oh the joy of wedding planning!

    I can totally understand why you are upset about your mother in law inviting people without asking you/you wanting them to come, especially if you are on a budget and had a limit. That is a tough one!

     

    The only thing I can say is if your guests are paying for their trips (hotel/air) to be at your wedding that it could be a lot to ask them not to bring a guest. Would they just have a single room? At least at our resort the single rooms were significantly more than the double rooms. I am just looking at it from the guest perspective and would want someone to share a room with and spend time with the rest of the vacation time. 

     

    Hope it all works out and try not to stress too much :)


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    #3 Melissa14

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    Posted 28 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

    Yes, the more I think about it the more I realize its unfair to ask someone to go alone. I don't know what I'll do about my mother in law. :/

    Marrying My 5th Grade "Boyfriend"...Life has a funny way of working itself out


    #4 MrsElephant

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      Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:01 PM

      Maybe you can ask your fiance to deal with his mother. I know when we were planning and I needed to communicate with my mother-in-law, I got my husband to talk to her because he knows her best and I wouldn't risk offending her. She'd never get mad at her own son!

       

      As for the friend bringing a guest, maybe your friend can just invite a vacation buddy who will not be attending your wedding festivities so you wouldn't have to pay for the extra meal. Just let her know you are on a budget and you won't want a stranger in your wedding photos. If she is a good friend, she will understand that you are compromising. Good luck!



      #5 alexisinjamaica

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      Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:08 PM

      Originally Posted by MrsElephant 

      Maybe you can ask your fiance to deal with his mother. I know when we were planning and I needed to communicate with my mother-in-law, I got my husband to talk to her because he knows her best and I wouldn't risk offending her. She'd never get mad at her own son!

       

      As for the friend bringing a guest, maybe your friend can just invite a vacation buddy who will not be attending your wedding festivities so you wouldn't have to pay for the extra meal. Just let her know you are on a budget and you won't want a stranger in your wedding photos. If she is a good friend, she will understand that you are compromising. Good luck!


      What she said! Definitely put the mother in law off on your fiance and have him be the bad guy. I'm sure she is aware that you are on a budget and have invited select people for a reason, so it's rude of her to ask you to invite people you don't even know!

       

      And we had this issue too of someone wanting to bring their sister. So far it just seems like one uninvited guest, so we're just dealing with it. But I don't think it would be weird for you to tell your friend you're really excited she and her friend are coming, but you'd like to keep the actual wedding ceremony/reception to just invited guests and you're more than happy for her guest to join in on other group activities during the weekend (aka the ones where you don't have to pay for her! haha).



      #6 Melissa14

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      Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:13 PM

      Thank you so much! I'm definitely having my fiance deal with his mom... sigh

       

      I need to take a deep breathe and see how many people RSVP and then I will deal with my friend. If she is a good friend she will understand.

       

      Thanks again!!
       


      Marrying My 5th Grade "Boyfriend"...Life has a funny way of working itself out


      #7 Cherina

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        Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:42 PM

        Relax... It's a crazy experience. If it makes you feel better get this. My husbands, mothers ex husbands step niece decided that she wanted to turn my wedding weekend into a Frat house 21birthday bash for her. Inviting random people, insaine!!

        2.14.14 I can not wait to marry my very best friend ... Again!


        #8 Melissa14

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        Posted 29 January 2013 - 03:48 PM

        @Cherina - Are you kidding me!? Oh no!
         


        Marrying My 5th Grade "Boyfriend"...Life has a funny way of working itself out


        #9 Cherina

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          Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:44 PM

          I am so serious! Stone cold serious. I snapped had a bridezilla moment. She made her own website, FB invites exc. and she inviting literally random people. The thing that is crazy is the go to school in south fl so it's a reasonable trip for them. Hubby solved the problem though, arranged a venue buyout to make a reservation you have to go through out TA and get approved by me... #boom... So believe me I understand you, a solution will come. Perhaps as FMIL if she will split the difference for her friends as they were not in the initial budget as she didn't bring it up when you were doing the guest list and budget. Otherwise you would be happen to have them but that confirmation would be based on the final count of guest that were initially accounted for.

          2.14.14 I can not wait to marry my very best friend ... Again!


          #10 Marymack

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            Posted 29 January 2013 - 04:49 PM

            @ Cherina...people get crazier as the years go by LOL!!!

            I am so serious! Stone cold serious. I snapped had a bridezilla moment. She made her own website, FB invites exc. and she inviting literally random people. The thing that is crazy is the go to school in south fl so it's a reasonable trip for them. Hubby solved the problem though, arranged a venue buyout to make a reservation you have to go through out TA and get approved by me... #boom... So believe me I understand you, a solution will come. Perhaps as FMIL if she will split the difference for her friends as they were not in the initial budget as she didn't bring it up when you were doing the guest list and budget. Otherwise you would be happen to have them but that confirmation would be based on the final count of guest that were initially accounted for.






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