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Alyssa

vent: thinking about eloping...

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How long has it been since the news broke about the DW?

 

We threw a surprise "birthday" party to announce our engagement. Let's put it this way--- One of the siblings asked what our plans were, and when they found out, they didn't speak to us the rest of the night. A couple days later, I got a call at work from that person to tell me that FI's mom started crying and saying that FI must really not want her to attend since we were planning on going so far away...

 

From immediate family to extended family, the opinions rolled in faster and harder than the well-wishes did.

 

But, after about 4-6 months, it started dying down once they realized we were serious about our plans and weren't going to change them. Now, it comes up every once in awhile from one member of the family, but that's about it.

 

We still talk about eloping. In fact, we're talking about doing the legal ceremony in St. Thomas this spring, and - we might just call the planning quits after that. :)

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I say pick the place you want to get married, regardless of anyone elses' opinions and then make it definite. Don't listen to what others say, it's YOUR wedding. If both of your sets of parents will be there, that is wonderful. Other than your parents, don't change your plans for people (and it sounds like your parents wouldn't ask you to change your plans). That being said, if you think you wouldn't regret it in the long run, I'd say elope if it makes you both happy!

 

(Sorry, I just reread this and I'm talking in circles...)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lizz10179 View Post
I say pick the place you want to get married, regardless of anyone elses' opinions and then make it definite. Don't listen to what others say, it's YOUR wedding. If both of your sets of parents will be there, that is wonderful. Other than your parents, don't change your plans for people (and it sounds like your parents wouldn't ask you to change your plans). That being said, if you think you wouldn't regret it in the long run, I'd say elope if it makes you both happy!

(Sorry, I just reread this and I'm talking in circles...)
no i hear you - i feel like i have been talking in circles in my head! eloping is a real option - but we really want people there.
when i think about hawaii being far and a 4 day trip i don't think most people would only stay 4 days. the hotel is willing to offer a discounted rate for 3 days before and 3 days after so people can go for longer at a huge discount.

more than that - i just don't want to spend the next year happy about being engaged to this amazing man and constantly battling smile67.gif with our 'closest' friends and family about our decision sad.gif

and maria - we have been telling people for a little over a month?

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Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008 View Post
thanks ann - i agree with you. the thing that is so annoying is that we are not giving anyone any guilt or putting expectations - we have been saying that is what we want to do, what is right for us, we understand not everyone can do, blah, blah. why can't people just accept that and be dissapointed but not put it back on ushuh.gif
i am getting on the soapbox with you!
Agreed!!

When we first started planning our DW, we had heard plenty of comments about the expense, length of travel, etc. We shared the same, “no pressure†attitude as you and your FI. We decided to ignore people's remarks, and plan the wedding that WE wanted. In the end, we have a wonderful group of people coming to Mexico with us, and we could not be happier with our decision!

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IMO do it.. I would have gotten married in Cabo even if it was just Cain and I, I was so tired of all the drama that I too wanted to just elope, but it was Cain that said "no, lets just do this the way we want it"...

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I dont think you are being selfish at all!! And eloping may be a good idea. Just make sure you are okay with none of your friends/family seeing your wedding. We thought about it, but in the end I was too upset about having no one there on my day.

I think Hawaii is pretty far for only 3 days, but its not like you are forcing people to go!! Hopefully you guys get it all worked out.

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I totally went through this with my family members and especially Erik's family members. So don't worry....what we ended up doing was just getting up one day and telling our family members that we are going to Cabo on this date and doing the deed with them or not.

 

Mind you my family was happy about this...Erik's family wasn't (not mexico people). So we had some people not to happy with us. We also told my mom about a month before our wedding date and we told Erik's family about 3 weeks before the wedding (due to the fact that we knew they would not be happy about anyways....and Erik took awhile to tell them).

 

We had 19 people show up to our wedding and we had a blast....We do have a lot of people who are very disappointed for not being there but hey we made a website with ALL our pictures and are soon to add the video of the wedding....I'm also thinking about have a AHR for those who couldn't make it. But this is still up in the air.

 

People will get over it...it's your day not theirs....Let them get angry, like I said it's your day!!!!!

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I felt like as long as we had 4-6 people with us it would be fine. I know I would be sad if it was just the 2 of us. i've seen some people go with just their parents & then have a big party when they got back. I think thats a personal decision to make. Lots of people on this forum have eloped & had a wonderful time. It would be nice to just plan for the 2 of us when picking out a hotel & location. I wanted to go somewhere I had never been, like brazil or costa rica, but mexico was the most affordable for guests.

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As Whitney Houston's song said "SAME SCRIPT, DIFFERENT CAST". Everyone on this forum has heard the "selfish" remarks at one point or another. People just love throwing their two cents in on what's convenient for them. I think you should do what's best for you and your FI. You shouldn't let other people pressure you (although that's completely hypocritical of me to say b/c I cancelled my DW for now b/c of family pressures). However, I would hate for anyone else to feel the way I did and give up what they want to do for what people expect them to do.

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Ug, what a difficult situation. You are absolutely not being selfish. This is your & FI's wedding, and it's only up to the two of you where and when you get married. It's no one else's business, and shame on them for making you feel guilty and second-guessing your decisions.

 

Do not compromise, just do exactly what yall want to do. If that means eloping (which we definitely considered, but I'm an only child), do it! If it means Hawaii, do it! No sense in stressing over those family members or friends who have their opinions, b/c no matter where you had your wedding, they would find something to complain about (Hawaii, that's so selfish, can you believe she served salmon, etc. It will never end).

 

The good thing for me is that my dad wanted me to have a destination wedding, he thought we'd have less people and a smaller bar bill! :) Funny thing is that now it's totally backfired on him, and it's a 100+ wedidng!

 

In the end, the only thing that matters is that you & your FI have the wedding you want.

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