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vent: thinking about eloping...


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#1 Alyssa

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    Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:26 PM

    some of you know how hard it has been for us to find a location, due to some family passport restrictions and personal preferences. we have finally found a location we love (molokai, hawaii), still are working on whether they will lower the initial deposit ($10K), we haven't even sent out STD's yet and are already getting all this from extended family about how 'selfish' we are because we are robbing them of the opportunity to see us get married and that it is 'inconvenient', and far and a lot to ask of someone from the East Coast, etc.

    we are both like, "that is ok - you don't have to come - no hard feelings" but that is apparently not good enough.

    frustrated is an understatement, i told FI, i think we should elope and he was like it's definitely something to think about it - i just don't want to deal with the drama! the idea of an over water hut in the maldives is starting to sound really good!

    are we selfish?
    is hawaii too far for a 4 day/3 night trip?
    is eloping f--ked up for us to do?
    i am really just venting - thanks for listening!

    #2 LCBride2007

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      Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:33 PM

      are we selfish? HELL NO!
      is hawaii too far for a 4 day/3 night trip? it's pretty far, given where you're coming from - not sure i'd to Hawaii for less than a week, and I am closer than you
      is eloping f--ked up for us to do? not at all - given your circumstances, i'd probably be considering it too

      honestly, if our family had given us any grief, we'd have probably eloped and then just had an AHR to celebrate. we were lucky, not only did we not get any grief, everyone was sooooo oexcited to come to Mexico for our wedding -and now they all want to do a trip every year! i hate that so many of you are getting a hard time about your DW choices. what is wrong with people? since when did a bride and groom become obligated to cater to the needs of others for their wedding? if anyone is being selfish, it's those people that ask the bride and groom to change their plans and their dreams for them.

      ugh. ok, off my soapbox.

      #3 Alyssa

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        Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:38 PM

        thanks ann - i agree with you. the thing that is so annoying is that we are not giving anyone any guilt or putting expectations - we have been saying that is what we want to do, what is right for us, we understand not everyone can do, blah, blah. why can't people just accept that and be dissapointed but not put it back on us
        i am getting on the soapbox with you!

        #4 rodent

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          Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:38 PM

          I don't think eloping is selfish. You are obviously not being selfish because you chose hawaii to accomidate some peoples passport restrictions. But, hawaii can be difficult for some people becasue it is a long flight & is expensive. I do think it's too far & expensive for 3 nights.

          I think people should be able to accept "that is ok - you don't have to come - no hard feelings." i think it's selfish when they don't. you don't owe them a wedding. Are both sets of parents OK with hawaii? I think parents are the only ones who you should try to accomidate, but there are still limits.

          #5 LadyP

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            Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:41 PM

            Ok dont you still have to do like a yerkies/city hall type ceremony anyway because of where you are getting married? Can you allow those who dont want to travel come to the legal ceremony.

            #6 LCBride2007

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              Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:42 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Mrs.B 2008
              thanks ann - i agree with you. the thing that is so annoying is that we are not giving anyone any guilt or putting expectations - we have been saying that is what we want to do, what is right for us, we understand not everyone can do, blah, blah. why can't people just accept that and be dissapointed but not put it back on us
              i am getting on the soapbox with you!
              right - and you've done all you need to do if you ask me. you've given them plenty of advance notice. and you've let them know - if you can come, fabulous, but if not, we understand. that's what we did - and those that couldn't come, while i was disappointed, i totally understood. you're not being selfish at all. this is a day that is about you and him, no one else. some choose to have family and friends at this ceremony, some don't. but it's up to the people getting married, and it's a very personal choice.

              #7 StephanieMN

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                Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:43 PM

                Bring them over to my house and I will straighten them out. Yes how DARE you pick where you get married--you are very selfish!! Maybe you should do a poll of your guests to see what they would like for your wedding to be. Maybe they won't like the colors you have picked so check that out BEFORE doing anything. ( thus ends the dripping sarcasm) Do people just not hear what they are saying?
                SO sorry you are going through this. Eloping may work better but make sure it is what you want.
                Good luck sweetie!

                #8 Alyssa

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                  Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:44 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Morgan
                  I don't think eloping is selfish. You are obviously not being selfish because you chose hawaii to accomidate some peoples passport restrictions. But, hawaii can be difficult for some people becasue it is a long flight & is expensive. I do think it's too far & expensive for 3 nights.

                  I think people should be able to accept "that is ok - you don't have to come - no hard feelings." i think it's selfish when they don't. you don't owe them a wedding. Are both sets of parents OK with hawaii? I think parents are the only ones who you should try to accomidate, but there are still limits.
                  my parents are fine with it and excited. his are excited but have told us that it is not ideal for them but will be there regardless.

                  yes, hawaii is far for 4 days - i agree but that is why we are putting such low expectations on everyone.

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by LadyP
                  Ok dont you still have to do like a yerkies/city hall type ceremony anyway because of where you are getting married? Can you allow those who dont want to travel come to the legal ceremony.
                  lady p - no hawaii is like PA - no additional ceremony and we only want to have 1 ceremony anyway!

                  #9 TATrisha

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                  Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:44 PM

                  I do think Hawaii is too far away for a 4 day / 3 night trip. Since it's at least 8 hours in a plane, that's just too much time flying for such a short trip.

                  I don't think eloping is a bad idea at all. As long as you and FI are happy, that's what's important.

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                  #10 LCBride2007

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                    Posted 20 August 2007 - 01:51 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by LadyP
                    Ok dont you still have to do like a yerkies/city hall type ceremony anyway because of where you are getting married? Can you allow those who dont want to travel come to the legal ceremony.
                    nope - since Hawaii is part of the US she wouldn't have to, her ceremony could be legal w/out any of the international paperwork drama. Paul and i were legally married in hawaii on our honeymoon for this exact reason!




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