vent: thinking about eloping...

some of you know how hard it has been for us to find a location, due to some family passport restrictions and personal preferences. we have finally found a location we love (molokai, hawaii), still are working on whether they will lower the initial deposit ($10K), we haven't even sent out STD's yet and are already getting all this from extended family about how 'selfish' we are because we are robbing them of the opportunity to see us get married and that it is 'inconvenient', and far and a lot to ask of someone from the East Coast, etc.

we are both like, "that is ok - you don't have to come - no hard feelings" but that is apparently not good enough.

frustrated is an understatement, i told FI, i think we should elope and he was like it's definitely something to think about it - i just don't want to deal with the drama! the idea of an over water hut in the maldives is starting to sound really good!

are we selfish?

is hawaii too far for a 4 day/3 night trip?

is eloping f--ked up for us to do?

i am really just venting - thanks for listening!

are we selfish? HELL NO!

is hawaii too far for a 4 day/3 night trip? it's pretty far, given where you're coming from - not sure i'd to Hawaii for less than a week, and I am closer than you

is eloping f--ked up for us to do? not at all - given your circumstances, i'd probably be considering it too

honestly, if our family had given us any grief, we'd have probably eloped and then just had an AHR to celebrate. we were lucky, not only did we not get any grief, everyone was sooooo oexcited to come to Mexico for our wedding -and now they all want to do a trip every year! i hate that so many of you are getting a hard time about your DW choices. what is wrong with people? since when did a bride and groom become obligated to cater to the needs of others for their wedding? if anyone is being selfish, it's those people that ask the bride and groom to change their plans and their dreams for them.

ugh. ok, off my soapbox.

thanks ann - i agree with you. the thing that is so annoying is that we are not giving anyone any guilt or putting expectations - we have been saying that is what we want to do, what is right for us, we understand not everyone can do, blah, blah. why can't people just accept that and be dissapointed but not put it back on us

i am getting on the soapbox with you!

I don't think eloping is selfish. You are obviously not being selfish because you chose hawaii to accomidate some peoples passport restrictions. But, hawaii can be difficult for some people becasue it is a long flight & is expensive. I do think it's too far & expensive for 3 nights.

I think people should be able to accept "that is ok - you don't have to come - no hard feelings." i think it's selfish when they don't. you don't owe them a wedding. Are both sets of parents OK with hawaii? I think parents are the only ones who you should try to accomidate, but there are still limits.

Ok dont you still have to do like a yerkies/city hall type ceremony anyway because of where you are getting married? Can you allow those who dont want to travel come to the legal ceremony.

Bring them over to my house and I will straighten them out. Yes how DARE you pick where you get married--you are very selfish!! Maybe you should do a poll of your guests to see what they would like for your wedding to be. Maybe they won't like the colors you have picked so check that out BEFORE doing anything. ( thus ends the dripping sarcasm) Do people just not hear what they are saying?

SO sorry you are going through this. Eloping may work better but make sure it is what you want.

Good luck sweetie!