23 replies to this topic

[SDbeachgirl]

My MOH was thinking of having a shower for me at a local tea house for High Tea. It would be a private event in a nice environment. However, it is $25 per person. With the guest list at about 30 it is not possible for her to pay for the guests. Is it inappropriate to ask the guests to pay for their own lunch?

[~Angela~]

My thoughts are yes .... not only are they coming for you, but probably bringing a gift as well. I don't think they should be expected to pay for their own food too.

[jplovesme]

Hey, I'm from San Diego, too! Are you going to the one in Point Loma Or Coronado?

Anyway, here's my experience as an MOH. I threw a High Tea Bridal Shower for my bride, and since there were 4 other bridesmaids, we split the bill for the 25 guests at the tea house. I didn't read up on the proper etiquette, but there was no question amongst us all, that we weren't going to have the bride's shower guests pay for their meals. But I had help with the bill with 4 other girls, so it wasn't as big of a financial hit. If it's too expensive to have it at the tea house, then you can always throw the shower at someone's house and create your own high tea atmosphere (there's a ton of info on how to do that on the internet). I had decided NOT to do that option because it was too much work (someone always ends up doing more than others), and the cost actually wasn't as cheap as I thought (for the food, decor and setup). It was really nice to just have the tea house set it up and run the whole thing. We did it a Eloise's Tea House in Long Beach, which was a tiny cute and highly rated tea house, so we had the whole place to ourselves. Our guests LOOOOOOVED it.

Good luck, and I know it will turn out fantastic for you and your guests, no matter what. They are there for you. Have fun!!!

[carolina24]

definately not ok for the guests to pay for their meals. obviously $25 pp adds up quickly, but if it's not financially possible to pull off than have the shower somewhere else. I told my MOH to host a very simple shower (if one at all) b/c we are having a DW and there are already so many costs involved for her and the BMs.

[amygirl1169]

I had wanted to do something similar, but I really couldn't handle the thought of either having the guests pay or the BMs, myself or my parents paying the bill.
We ended up opting to have a 'Ladies Afternoon Tea' at my FSIL's house. Finger foods, tea cups, the whole 9-yards!

I don't think guests would be too keen on attending if they had to pay for their meal.

[**~Linda~**]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Angela~ My thoughts are yes .... not only are they coming for you, but probably bringing a gift as well. I don't think they should be expected to pay for their own food too.

Ditto....In my opinion I think its better to do a home style BBQ get2gether thing and be able to pay for everyone without a problem rather than ask them for money to pay their own food ..

[TammyB]

I tend to agree with the other girls, I wouldn't ask for them to pay. Maybe your MOH can split the bill with a couple other girls as your shower gift?

[AlexsBride]

I wouldnt expect guests to pay for their own meals at a shower either...I kind of compare it to asking them to pay for their meal at a wedding! They are bringing gifts and coming to celebrate your upcoming wedding...shouldn't cost them an additional $25. Usually the person who is throwing the shower pays the bill, but with just one attendant that is a lot to expect. Maybe she can throw you a shower with your Mom and MIL at someones house and share the costs? Good luck though! High tea sounds so grown up!

[giraffexx]

I am also a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding which is happening 2 months before I am getting married. I am one of 4 girls in her bridal party and we are splitting everything for the party 25% per bridesmaid. My question to you girls is am I expected to also give a gift at the shower since I'm already paying a pretty penny to help host the event?? Any advice welcome, I'm really stumped about this. Thanks!

[amygirl1169]

Quote:

Originally Posted by giraffexx I am also a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding which is happening 2 months before I am getting married. I am one of 4 girls in her bridal party and we are splitting everything for the party 25% per bridesmaid. My question to you girls is am I expected to also give a gift at the shower since I'm already paying a pretty penny to help host the event?? Any advice welcome, I'm really stumped about this. Thanks!

That's a good question... I'm not sure what the protocol is on that either. I would think maybe split a smallish gift?
I'm actually splitting some of the costs of the shower with my BMs. I feel bad that they're already spending a lot on the trip and they spent a lot on the engagement party as well.