Angry. Why can't he help me?!
Posted 01 December 2009 - 01:26 PM
My fiance is Canadian and his parents hosted a pre-wedding reception there just over a week ago (worked out better regarding vacation time). We had almost 90 people there and now have the wonderful task of writing thank you notes. While I don't think this is something anybody ENJOYS doing I think its proper etiquette and the least we can do to show our appreciation. Here's the problem - he won't help me with these AT ALL! All he could talk about before and after the reception was how much money we were going to make off it. I really don't like this side of him. Even though I appreciate that it makes him driven, I'm the type of person who could still be happy with life as long as we can meet our basics needs. I don't think money is everything but he's VERY focused on it. So now that he was all about the money AND it was only his side of the family that was there (MANY of which I hadn't even met before and he hasn't seen in 12+ years) it really pisses me off that he can't help me when I ask for it! This makes me so mad because I want him to be grateful for what we were given and I want him to F-ING help me when I ask for it! He's acting like such a child and i'm getting more and more angry.
He keeps telling me that there are things he does in the relationship and things I do and that this is just one of those things that I do. I just want to slap him! How rude, insensitive, and immature is that?! All he could talk about is the money and now he won't even make an effort to let people know he appreciated it OR help me when I bloody ask for it! I'm mad that he's not polite and even more angry that he doesn't respect me enough to help me when I ask for it. If he can't do this for is own damn family I know there's no way in hell he'll help me when it comes time to write mine!!!
Posted 01 December 2009 - 01:53 PM
Posted 01 December 2009 - 02:00 PM
| Originally Posted by creoletexan |
I know how you feel, except my husband's handwriting is horrid and it's best that he doesn't do anything more than add the stamp and drop them off. Maybe you can have a friend to help you, though I do agree that indicating that it's your "job" is ridiculous. When my husband tries that, he almost always gets an earful.
Posted 01 December 2009 - 02:30 PM
Posted 01 December 2009 - 03:05 PM
Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:04 PM
I agree that I'd totally dig my heels in if I was directly told that it was my job - and believe me, we have had a few of our own issues similar since FI's family is all old farming type in a small town where they really were brought up that the women have their role!
Maybe try explaining to him that you're not entirely angry that YOU have to do ALL the work, more that you're angry at his apparent unwillingness and refusal to even consider helping you in any way. And remind him that typically when people give money (or any gift!) it's not unreasonable to expect a simple thanks and that if he continues his behaviour then you'll kindly write a 'thanks but no thanks' letter to his family instead and include their cheque when you send the card back (maybe he'll take heed if you caution him against LOSING all his money?!).
Good luck and don't feel bad about venting - just try to remember that explaining things to him and talking to him might serve better in the long run.
Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:33 PM
For thank you's I think we'll use the same method, he can do his side and I'll do mine. Sometime I have to give FI options, either you can do 1. all the thank you cards for your family or 2. we can send the money back.... FI knows if it comes to that I'm serious. The first one I'd send back would be his mom's. :-) Hopefully he just agrees to help.
Posted 01 December 2009 - 04:53 PM
And honestly, if it didn't reflect poorly on me as well I'd just forget the whole thing and let him do whatever he wanted for his side. I know he wouldn't even bother sending them notes if it was up to him. Just sucks that it'd be a bad reflection on me as well! I also hate that when things like this happen he gets mad at ME! wtf?! I'M the one who's mad here! But he'll act like i'm the one in the wrong. Grr (that's nothing new to me though). I just told him today when I was yelling at him that the least he can do is address some envelopes!! So we'll see..
Posted 01 December 2009 - 05:03 PM
So I would say F it and just not do them since he doesn't care and it's his family...but I do agree it kind of reflects badly on you if they gave you gifts. Also even just that they all attended.
In this case I'd say suck it up, do them, and assign him a different task to do. In the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world. Although I'm totally on your side with this, because it puts you in a lose-lose position.
Figure out some 'boy' tasks and get him working on them!
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