breakup or forgive & not forget
Posted 19 November 2009 - 09:15 PM
Good luck- my heart goes out to you.
Posted 19 November 2009 - 10:02 PM
Hope it all works out for you!
Posted 19 November 2009 - 10:18 PM
These are questions I would be wondering about so I could get to the bottom of what happened - & maybe you already know the answers (obviously I don't expect you to give details here, but just stuff to sort through together). What was it that he owed the $ from? Was it from before you were together or while you've been dating? Is this the first time this has happened (him owing a major debt)? I would be worried about a gambling addiction personally so I think it's important to find out what happened b/c if that is the problem he should seek help for that.
Equally important is to find out why he didn't tell you. You two are about to be married and I know how much being honest & open means to you. He probably was ashamed & trying to protect you from this, but there is no room for that in a marriage and I hope this experience teaches him that. You need to be able to trust each other which requires being honest, including about your faults & the things you're ashamed of.
I know no one can tell you what to do, but if you love this man (& I know you do) you both owe it to yourselves to try & work this through. Every couple struggles. There will always be a bump in the road somewhere & I think it's how we work through those together that really strengthens relationships.
It's good he brought you some flowers but I hope he's willing to have a long-ass open talk (or talks) with you!
Oh, & I also think you were wise to not tell your family. I've done that in the past & it just ends up bad. People don't need to know all your business.
Lots of hugs to you, K!
Posted 19 November 2009 - 11:08 PM
Posted 19 November 2009 - 11:43 PM
Posted 19 November 2009 - 11:58 PM
Posted 20 November 2009 - 04:13 AM
Posted 20 November 2009 - 05:21 PM
Gamblers are a tricky type of person..it is an addiction like alcohol or drugs and it doesn't go away on it's own. The fact that he took the $5k to pay off old debts in secret make me think that he has been gambling... I'm sorry I know from personal experience, the lying is part of the addiction. Sure he was probably ashamed when confronted but at the time, the decisions are controlled by the addiction.
I think you might want to go to gamblers anonymous meetings together, as well as counseling, and take it slowly from there. If he's willing to go to counseling, that's a great start.
Best of luck, I know how hard this is.
Posted 20 November 2009 - 06:07 PM
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