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What to do about guests who assume they are invited?

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20 replies to this topic

#11 HereFishie

  • Jr. Member
  • 386 posts

    Posted 07 November 2009 - 01:40 AM

    I too have a similar issue with someone. Unfortunately its a family member. I have an uncle that's younger than me. He's creepy and annnoying. I usually avoid him at family gatherings as it is but somehow he's invited himself along as my grandmothers (his mom's) roommate. My FH TRIED to express to him how we only sent STD out to those that were invited.... as nicely and non "YOU ARE NOT INVITED" as possible without actually saying the words. Apparently my uncle still thinks he's coming. I do NOT want to spend a week with this creepy uncle leering over me at the pool or anywhere but I just might not have a choice without making that weird awkward leap to just outright say it.

    #12 futuremrsgoodrich

    • Jr. Member
    • 361 posts

      Posted 07 November 2009 - 10:18 AM

      Makes me feel better to know that other people have the same issues. Sorry bout your creepy uncle

      #13 Brooklyn Carolina

      Brooklyn Carolina
      • Newbie
      • 94 posts

        Posted 08 November 2009 - 10:35 AM

        Was she invited to the engagement party? I believe that traditionally the people who are invited to the engagement party, shower are expected to be invited to the wedding....

        #14 Jo 2010

        Jo 2010
        • Jr. Member
        • 291 posts

          Posted 08 November 2009 - 06:24 PM

          hmm well our engagement party was a massive celebration with 160 people, and it was understood that the engagement party was so big because we were having a smaller destination wedding...

          We have been working out the costings over the weekend, and after finally putting a dollar figure on the wedding per head - I have no hesitation NOT inviting them! I also discussed it with a coulpe of mutal friends who will be coming to the wedding, who will bring up "how much it is per head to have people come to the wedding, and how they can't believe that it will be more than a wedidng at home". That way if she asks where her invitation is, the budget explaination should suffice...

          #15 kerstenpretty21

          • Newbie
          • 5 posts

            Posted 09 November 2009 - 11:40 PM

            hahhahahah i used to be nasty and mean before and i wonder why my friends dont invite me to their parties(they ignore me whenever i told them if i can come). then they told me about it and i was hurt because i am thinking i am doing the same thing. just then i decides to turn a new leaf when they start ignoring and hiding from me.

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            #16 red1der1

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            • 31 posts

              Posted 10 November 2009 - 10:30 PM

              I am having the same situation with my family!! We just want the immediate family going and all my cousins want to come now. I had to kindly explain that we only wanted the small group of immediate family but they will be icluded in out AHR. That seemed to work.

              #17 ~Crista-Lee~

              • Jr. Member
              • 329 posts

                Posted 12 November 2009 - 02:34 PM

                I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who's had a similar issue!!

                I had a friend from junior high message me on facebook and ask if she was invited to my wedding. I'd literally been engaged for a week! I responded saying that no dates have been set or guest listed started. She didn't respond.

                A few weeks ago I had posted on facebook that I found my dress and I thanked my BM's who were with me. She sent another message asking if she was a BM!!!! WTF
                I responded telling that I was honoured that she has offered, however I've chosen women in my life who have been instrumental in my life and who I'm extremely close with. I couldn't believe it!! I was baffeled!!!!

                Now I'm torn... invite or not to invite. I feel like it would be a pity invite and I haven't even seen her in about 6 years. She wasn't even someone I was close with years ago!

                #18 echo2_62

                • Sr. Member
                • 1,049 posts

                  Posted 12 November 2009 - 02:51 PM

                  Now I totally don't intend to sound mean, but if you haven't spoken to this girl in over six years and facebook is the only reason that you're in contact again then I honestly wouldn't feel bad about not inviting her. I realize it can work both ways because I got in touch with an old friend of mine from grade school that I *did* invite to our wedding, but she and I also talk pretty much every other day now too (and we were pretty close friends way back in the day as well).

                  I think your reply about how you chose your BM's was perfect and I don't think there is much further argument that this other girl could have and not really any reason for her to be offended by it either.

                  IMO, if you didn't think to have her on your guest list in the first place, even on the first pass before you started any sort of paring down, then you shouldn't worry too much and just keep being as polite as needs be if she continues with her questioning.

                  #19 classadiva

                  • Member
                  • 685 posts

                    Posted 14 November 2009 - 12:40 PM

                    I see that I am not alone. I have a "friend" whom WAS my best friend until about more than 10 years ago. She is very negative and I honestly believe that she secretly resents me. She lives three blocks from me...works in the same building...yet never calls unless she wants something. In fact...up until two months ago...i.e. my engagement, she had NEVER stepped foot in my office in nearly 4 years. Now...she has visited twice...thank god I was not there..sent me an e-mail asking if she was invited to the wedding and finally...about two weeks ago trapped me in the office building lobby asking if she was invited...saying that her "guest" would be nice. The worst part..after refusing to answer her in the lobby she then proceeded to ask me again on a packed elevator if she was invited and how she couldn't wait to go to the Bahamas!!! Finally...in a packed elevator...I had to say to her that I would have to talk about it later with her...we were really just having family and close friends!!! STILL....she asked again...the folks in the elevator were looking at her as if to say "catch a friggin clue." LOL. I bolted out of the elevator simply saying...we will talk!! I honestly think that she thought that she was going to shame me into inviting her!!

                    Needless to say...she did not get an STD. Honestly...I feel bad because I know she will feel bad once she comes to terms with her non-invite. I'm dreading facing her but...there is a saying "straight talk makes for straight understanding." I'm trying to live by this. I am finding that certain so-called friends are coming out of the woodwork. Many whom are just negative people. I do not want negativity on my wedding day.

                    As for the OP...IMHO...you should not invite anyone to an engagment party or shower whom you have no intentions of inviting to your wedding or AHR. Forget what ettiquette books say...think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. I remember being shocked at being invited to a bridal shower but not the DW. I honestly saw it as a gift grab. That's why I have told all involved in my wedding...do not do that. I know many people whom I like and whom I would love to have at my shower...but just do not feel that it is right.

                    That being said...in the case of the OP...I would just tell her she is not invited. It is rude to assume an invite.

                    #20 **~Linda~**

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 1,326 posts

                      Posted 14 November 2009 - 03:43 PM

                      No clue. We didn't have an engagement party per say it was just FI's close family @ dinner. I think there are always people that assume that they will be invited especially if they were invited to the engagement party due to etiquette. Etiquette and all I still believe its your wedding and you should invite the people youd really like to share that day with...

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