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It wasn't my fault! Why am I the one getting punished???

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#1 KJT1985

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    Posted 09 September 2009 - 05:42 PM

    I need to vent. This afternoon I went to fedex to pick up a box FOR MY FIANCE. When I got in my car I noticed I had a text from a friend. So while I sat in my car, I replied. As I'm replying, the lady parked next to me SLAMS her car door open into mine. I text my fiance, telling him what happened. I then get out, take pictures with my phone and text him her plate number (I didn't have a pen anywhere one me). She comes out and tell her that I was sitting in my car when she opened her door into mine and that she left two marks - taking paint off with one of them. I told her that I was going to need her information. She acts like she didn't know she did it (it was hard enough to take paint off for crying out loud! How do you not notice?!). She gives me her name, phone number, mailing address and says she won't give me her DL# or insurance policy number. My fiance said to call the cops if she wouldn't give me any info. I told her I would have to call the cops then. So she gives me her business card with email and says that'll be enough information, that she already emailed her insurance company (from her phone). I told her AGAIN that I needed the information but she refused. At this point she finds a camera in her car and gets out to take her own pictures. I now have a picture OF HER TAKING PICTURES. I decided not to call the cops right there because I thought I had enough info, thought she would cooperate, understand not wanting to give out personal info these days, and really didn't need to stay away from work for longer (a job I just started last Tuesday because of a relocation due to FIANCE'S JOB).

    I give my fiance all the info and he starts contacting the insurance company. He seems to think we won't get anywhere because i didn't get her policy number. THEN he starts riding MY ass for not calling the cops immediately. He's giving me crap, making me feel even worse - talking about how I ignored him and it's my fault. I called her back and she again refuses to give me info. Said that if I EMAILED her OUR insurance info, that she would send hers. She never ONCE mentioned anything about getting our information (other than wanting contact phone numbers).

    SO my fiance sends me the number for the police department and tells me to call them and file a report. I call them and they won't talk to me unless i'm at the scene of the incident. I go back over there, call for a cop. Then when he comes and I tell him the story - he starts getting on ME about how he could charge me with fleeing the scene of an accident if she won't cooperate and come back to the scene. He claims that we made an "agreement" when we both left (who the hell decides WHAT we agreed just by leaving). The cop calls her. She gives him her info and claims there's no damage on her vehicle. So he tells me that he's writing the report indicating that we both left but is NOT charging us since she's willing to talk to him. He takes all my info as well and says that's he's going to go see her car (SHE apparently doesn't have to come back to the scene to talk to a cop). Then he gives me the "call us immediately no matter what" talk - says they don't mind and informs me that insurance will probably drop the claim because we both left and that it'll end up in court. And then the cop tells me that she works for a lawyer "a BIG, GOOD one" so it doesn't look good for us. He basically implies that it's something so small that we should just ignore it. Of course i'm in tears the whole time he's talking to me.

    Again, fiance is all over my ass about "not listening" to him and calling the cops immediately. Then has the maturity to tell me that I have to pay to have it fixed with my "birthday money". My birthday was Sunday - HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME.

    I'm so upset right now. I've lost all faith in humanity and the justice system. Ok, I should have called the cops right there. It's not that big and its really only paint - not a dent or crease. I THOUGHT I was being nice by not calling the cops on her right there - seeing as I THOUGHT she would cooperate. She didn't even offer me cash to just go away! AND THEN I've got my fiance making me feel even worse - acting like it's my fault and taking all his anger out on me when I DIDN'T DO IT! The person who's fault it was is going to get off - not have to pay to have it fixed. I've got a scratch/missing paint on my car now that i'll have to pay to fix when it wasn't even my fault AND a fiance who's being a DICK. Ok, thanks for letting me vent. Sorry about the language.

    #2 *Lo*

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      Posted 09 September 2009 - 06:48 PM

      OMG that is ridiculous and insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I didn't even know you were supposed to call police unless there was a minimum amount of damage of like $1,000 or someone was injured. I would figure the police would laugh at you if you call them for a door slam.

      Is the damage really bad? What if you just don't fix it?

      Tell your FI that he is not helping the situation by getting mad at you and that he is not working with you he's working against you. What is done is done. So blaming you obviously isn't helping!

      Try and relax and think about the big picture. In the grand scheme of life this isn't really a big deal. Everything is going to be fine :)

      #3 jk1101

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        Posted 09 September 2009 - 06:51 PM

        UGH...I'm so sorry that this happened to you and that your FI is being a jerk about it too.
        I would have done the same thing and tried to be nice.
        Do all the things you have to do with calling the insurance company - if you have her insurance maybe it can just go insurance without you having to pay?
        cops sometimes just talk to hear themselves (no offense to any police officers out there) and just bc he's a cop doesn't mean he knows anything about car damage and her working for a lawyer doesn't mean anything if she dented your car...

        Hopefully your FI will calm down and be more reasonable about this in a day or 2.

        #4 meghan

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          Posted 09 September 2009 - 06:55 PM

          omg that really really sucks. I had no idea that you couldn't leave a situation like that! I would have thought going home and calling the cops would have been fine! I would say no to using birthday money to pay for it. That is your money to buy yourself something nice. You were also doing something for your fiance when it happened. I don't know what to say really....just that it really sucks. Hope you feel better.

          #5 LadyTrunck

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            Posted 09 September 2009 - 06:59 PM

            I had something very similar happen to me a few weeks ago. I was putting groceries into my car, adjusting the seat and I felt a nudge. I didn’t pay much attention, but then noticed a car that was previously parking next to me speed off. I quickly got the license place # (in my head only) and tried to follow, but she got away. I put the license # into the notepad in my phone and went home to call the cops and file a report. I went to give them the license plate #, and IT SOMEHOW DIDN’T SAVE INTO MY PHONE! I distinctly remember putting it in and hitting SAVE. I don’t know what happened. There was a new blank note only. So, my FI was pretty mad at me too. I of course, got blamed, and he didn’t believe that I put it into the phone. Whatever. So I have a lovely little scratch on my bumper….

            I’m so sorry that this happened to you! He’ll get over it- mine did. It could have been worse (I hate it when people say that!!) and thankfully it was only a scratch!!
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            #6 azulskies

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              Posted 09 September 2009 - 07:02 PM

              I'm actually confused too. At least where I live, you're not supposed to call the police for accidents on private property (i.e. parking lots). Once she stopped cooperating by not giving you her information, you had the absolute right to call them. So it's not like you did anything wrong. That lady was just a total B!

              While he shouldn't be making you feel worse than you already do, I'm sure your FI is just frustrated with the situation itself. People tend to take their frustration out on the wrong person...I know I can sometimes. So hopefully after writing all that out, you feel a little better. It'll all work out :)


              #7 KJT1985

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                Posted 09 September 2009 - 07:17 PM

                Yeah, I can definitely take things out on him too. So I understand. And in hindsight - I should have just called the cops. But i'm with you all - I thought getting information was enough and that they wouldn't have done anything anyway. I thought I was doing the right thing and i'm getting screwed at every angle. It's not like I ignored him on purpose or to make him mad - I just thought it was going to be ok

                On a side note - I talked to his mom. Apparently he called her on his way home from work. She agrees he was being totally ridiculous and was checking on me to see if I was ok. She told me that I had 30 minutes to fix a nice dinner or put a nightie on before he got home. Haha. I LOVE her! I think she calmed him down a bit - she always can! And yes- in the whole scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal! We DID just buy the car new a year ago but it's not the first ding so whatever...

                Thanks guys!

                #8 MayBride2010

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                  Posted 09 September 2009 - 09:30 PM

                  Ugh people are so rude. I know how you feel. My car gets scratched and dented all the time. People just don't care!

                  #9 KJT1985

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                    Posted 09 September 2009 - 09:53 PM

                    Forget what I said - he's still pissed, i'm still getting chewed out. He thinks I don't respect him and that I didn't call the police ON PURPOSE - to make him mad. What the hell? THIS is why I don't listen to him sometimes - he gets SO dramatic and overreacts! I don't really see how a dent and some missing paint is worth a night of tears and yelling! He's so stubborn!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

                    #10 Jacilynda

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                      Posted 09 September 2009 - 10:23 PM

                      WOW! I'm not really sure what to say.

                      I can't believe how big of an issue this has become. BIL is a cop and if this had happened in a parking lot here a cop would just come over make each of you sign a form w/ your insurance info and each one of you get a copy and you deal w/ it from there. Although since we're friends w/ most of the cops in town they would laugh at anyone who even thought of filing a report for someone hitting your car w/ their door..... I mean seriously have you never flung open your own door and hit another car. I have several times, and I didn't do it on purpose i accidentally just pushed to hard.

                      I also don't leave them my info saying hey sorry I hit your car when I opened my door..... who does that?

                      They make touch up paint for a reason. You can go into any automotive store they have small bottles of paint for every make and model to match exactly... like $5 a bottle.

                      Tell your FI to take a midol, take a bath and go to bed.

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