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jk1101

What would you do if you found

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I've been in that situation. Not with DH, but a serious ex-boyfriend. Initially I cried because I thought he was intentionally keeping them. Then I got mad and wanted to throw them out. Then I took a deep breath and brought them to him and asked him why he still had them (through tears). He told me that he didn't even know they were still in his room (which was totally believeable since the kid never cleaned out anything) and he said "I'm sorry. I don't care about this crap at all. I just forgot they were there." and he threw them out.

 

I would just give them to him like Alyssa said. I bet he forgot he even had them.

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Originally Posted by BillysBride View Post
Hmm..I must be odd. I don't keep any of my old boyfriends stuff. I don't have a need. I am VERY well aware of the past mistakes I've made.
Ater reading some of this thread I was beginning to feel like the odd girl out that I don't keep that stuff either. I don't need cards to reflect upon my past, I have it all in my memory. Even the relationships that ended on good terms I don't save stuff from intentionally. I've kept stuff for awhile after hard breakups (like my first love... I had a hard time letting go of that) and I've even forgotten about some stuff, but always thrown it out whenever I found it.

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I agree with what most of you ladies said- I would give the letters to him and let him decide what he wants to do with them. If it were the other way around, I would be upset that he made the decision for me if he had thrown them away. Not because I miss my ex's or whatever he may assume, but because they are my property, not his. I'm a big girl and he's not my father to be making decisions for me. But, I am the type that doesn't keep anything from ex's minus a few pics. My husband is the same way, he has some random pics which I have already seen. I would hate for either one of us to get rid of them because that's part of us and our past. The funny thing is, we both had ex's that truely screwed us over and cheated on us and those are the only pics we both got rid of immediately after the break ups, so we've never seen pics of those specific ex's, only shared stories about them.

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Originally Posted by Jessica View Post
Ater reading some of this thread I was beginning to feel like the odd girl out that I don't keep that stuff either. I don't need cards to reflect upon my past, I have it all in my memory. Even the relationships that ended on good terms I don't save stuff from intentionally. I've kept stuff for awhile after hard breakups (like my first love... I had a hard time letting go of that) and I've even forgotten about some stuff, but always thrown it out whenever I found it.
and I know Savannah said the same thing....I keep NOTHING from exes....except some tshirts that I work out in. I even sold the jewelry from all of them. Savannah, my mom had my old wedding album and I asked her to get rid of it because I thought it was bad karma.

He saw my entire life when we cleaned out my apartment...every picture, card, stuffed animal...i tossed everything in front of him, and he's the one who sold the jewelry for me.

I don't at all feel like this girl is a threat to me...and I don't think he was hiding it from me, FI is the absent minded professor...he loses things constantly and never remembers where he puts things....he probably forgot he had it at all...I think I'm more uncomfortable that I read the letter and if he asks I have to tell him the truth - I'm incapable of lying to him. The only thing I've ever thrown away without telling him was the most heinous pair of pants I've ever seen...lol....that was in March and he doesn't miss them at all wink.gif

SIGHHHHHHH

So this is still sitting in a bag on my side of the bed.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica View Post
Ater reading some of this thread I was beginning to feel like the odd girl out that I don't keep that stuff either. I don't need cards to reflect upon my past, I have it all in my memory. Even the relationships that ended on good terms I don't save stuff from intentionally. I've kept stuff for awhile after hard breakups (like my first love... I had a hard time letting go of that) and I've even forgotten about some stuff, but always thrown it out whenever I found it.

I am in the same boat as you - i don't keep ANYTHING from ex's - i even gave away - not sold - 2ct diamond earrings - i just don't think it is right to keep that stuff when it has all the feelings and meaning attached BUT I made those decisions on my on and DH never once asked me to do that .

i really think it is disrespectful to make that decision for someone - that is his stuff and he needs to deal with it himself!

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Okay, I just saw this and have to chime in!!!

 

My first instinct would also be that I want to burn them... LOL! But, cooler heads would prevail and I would just tell them I found them; how should we dispose of them??

 

When FI and I were moving in together... he gave me a box of pictures when he was working OT one Saturday and told me I could look through them. There were tons of pics with ex's which didn't bother me very much. There were a few cards/letters which kind of got under my skin. Then there were some very suggestive (to say the least) - fine, pornographic pictures of two of his ex's ... now those I had a major problem with. I called him immediately and asked who the naked chicks were in the pics; where they the ones with the letters? I tried to make a joke about it but he could tell when he got home it bugged me. I didn't push it ... and the next day he showed me that he threw away the porno pics and he letters; that he forgot that he had them.

 

I honestly don't keep a lot of stuff either. I have one wedding album (the others we burned together at a party in our backyard with our friends); but am keeping one because it was a major part of my life. I did ask him if it bothered him though because if it did - I would get rid of it. He could care less; so its sits in the corner of a closet gathering dust.

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I don't intentionally keep anything. The other day I was looking through some old pics and I came across some with my ex in them. I had no clue they even existed. Had DH come across them and gotten upset, I would've felt really bad because I definitely don't want them! Would I care if he threw them out, no. But better to let me decide.

 

I like Alyssa's idea.

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I went through the same situation. My FI and I were cleaning out his room and I came across some letters that his ex had written to him and his daughter. I hid them in my shirt and read them in the bathroom (the nosey side of me had to know what they said). Of course I was hurt and mad but I ended up telling him what I found and told him that he needed to do something with them. If he wanted to keep them they had to be OUT of my house. He ended up throwing them out and he did feel bad about me finding them. The week before he helped me clean out my apt and like some of the other girls have said I have never felt the need to keep things so there was nothing there of the sort.

Just be honest with him. If it truly bothers you let him know. There is nothing wrong with that. I sure did! Let us know what happens

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I'm a pack rat so I can see how he'd have the letters and not realize it. :P I do agree with the other ladies, just give them to him and let him take care of it. I highly suggest not throwing them away. One reason being that he may actually be keeping them intentionally for whatever reason. Another reason is that I think it's rude to throw someone's things away, even if it's unimportant and the person doesn't realize it's gone. But that's jmo.

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