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What to say to friends that are not invited?

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#1 McToasty

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    Posted 28 April 2009 - 09:17 AM

    Hi guys!

    I'm new to this forum. Did a quick search but couldn't find a thread on this topic, so sorry if it's a re-post!
    As DWs are smaller than normal weddings, there will probably be friends that fall into the borderline invite/not-invite category. Do people generally feel neglected if not invited, or do they feel relief at not having to save up or think of an excuse? For those friends who aren't invited (esp. the ones who are semi-close and feel that they are close enough to be invited), what kind of responses would you give to not offend them? Lots of people are being really sweet, and are offering to help with wedding planning and whatnot, and i don't have the heart to say, "... >< sorry, we're keeping this really small..." but due to budget constraints, we won't be able to invite everyone.

    Thanks so much! I know this is an issue probably most have dealt with so i'm really looking forward to all your input. :)

    #2 ~*Lisa*~

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      Posted 28 April 2009 - 09:26 AM

      I was actually wondering the same as I ran into that problem last week. A co-worker/friend of mine invited me to her wedding (we've known each other for about 9 years now) and I attended her wedding (6 years ago). I didn't really know what to tell her because I mentioned that the invites were sent out and obviously she didn't get one. She asked about an AHR, but we're not doing that either. I felt bad. I didn't know what to tell her. I fear that I may have the same problems with a few other friends.

      #3 Kristy!


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        Posted 28 April 2009 - 10:01 AM

        If you're having an AHR, it's easy. Just talk about that and say you're celebrating with everyone when you get back. If not, you could say it's going to be family and wedding party only. Some people are offended though, you can't get around that.

        #4 lgarner83

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          Posted 28 April 2009 - 11:04 AM

          For us, the DW is "the more the merrier". We are not covering their travel/accomodation fees so if they want to come then they can come! Most people say no anyways because of the cost so we just made it an open invite.

          But the other ladies gave great advice regarding what to say....just keep saying: "we're actually only having family for our ceremony and are keeping it small and intimate"

          #5 MJL

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            Posted 02 May 2009 - 05:21 PM

            Saying that you're inviting only immediate family and best friends has worked well for me... Everyone, so far, seems to understand when I say that...

            #6 TammyWright


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            Posted 02 May 2009 - 05:34 PM

            i'm with lisa...for us it was the more the merrier and if they are willing to put out the $1000 plus to get there, then so be it...

            also, it made it less awkward for the people we really didn't want there....only our good friends and family made it to our DW...no random uncles we hadn't seen in awhile or party friends.

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            #7 hunniebee724

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              Posted 08 June 2009 - 10:53 AM

              We're doing a cruise wedding. I'm telling people they're more than welcome to come on the cruise, but due to budget restrictions, we're only having family at ceremony/reception. We're getting married in port, and the reception will be over before the ship takes off, so we'll have plenty of time to celebrate with the cruisers who didn't come to the ceremony/reception.

              #8 troy'sbride

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                Posted 09 June 2009 - 12:20 PM

                Well I am having a hard time with this one. We decided only immediate family and a MOH and a BM. Well i have friends who just assumed thatthey would be the MOH. And when I told them they really made me feel bad. One of them even said that well she introduced us...
                And then they asked me why? Why am I having a small wedding? Why did I decide to only invite immediate family. And when I explained that nobody from my extended family was not invited, they still wanted to know why. Maybe I am alone with this, but I really felt that my friends would undersatnd more than my family.....

                #9 ebredhawk

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                  Posted 09 June 2009 - 02:20 PM

                  troy'sbride.. that is such a crummy situation to be put in. i think it sucks to be made to feel like you have to rationalize your wedding decisions to other people. getting married is a very personal thing so who's to say what's right and what's wrong?

                  i know i've read time and time again on here that have a DW has really shown people the true colors of their friends and family... those who make it vs. those who don't and how people react to the whole thing. good luck with those friends of yours who were making assumptions and trying to make you explain all of your decisions. don't let that get in the way of your dream day!

                  #10 DanielleNDerek

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                    Posted 09 June 2009 - 03:21 PM

                    We invited everyone, well the people we are still really friendly with, all of our families. We figured most wouldnt come and if they did it would probably only be a few more people. we invited close to 200 and only had 29 book so it worked out fine. We were prepared to have 60 people come at one point but when it came time to book most people backed out.
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