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Cancelled Wedding???

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#51 ~Stephanie~

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    Posted 23 April 2009 - 07:07 PM

    That's great! I'm glad you talked and are taking the time to think about things. Just remember to always put yourself and your kids first and respect yourself or he won't and won't feel the need to if you don't. Hang in there! Good Luck and keep us updated! I'm sure everything will work out.

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    #52 tdmitchell

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      Posted 23 April 2009 - 08:34 PM

      I realize everything has been said by the other Ladies and that you have talked to FI, but I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the best in whatever decisions you make. Please know that your happiness and well being are most important! You can't be the best MOM or wife if your unhappy and don't take care of yourself. Please take care and Know that your WORTH MORE than someone who is embarrassed to be with you.

      #53 cougs


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        Posted 24 April 2009 - 12:59 AM

        thanks for checking in with us, we've all been thinking of you! so glad to hear the channels of communication have been opened ... that is the first (and most important) step toward mending the relationship. and taking some time is a wise decision as well. congrats and best of luck. if you can manage to keep communicating your feelings and both exhibiting respect for each other, i sense we'll be seeing happy wedding pics from you in the not-so-far away future!

        #54 BachataBride

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          Posted 24 April 2009 - 09:21 AM

          I'm so glad things are working out. It will still take a lot of work on both your parts, but it looks like you're off to a good start! Like Lisa said, keep the lines of communication open & you guys will be just fine!!

          #55 kate.com


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            Posted 24 April 2009 - 09:53 AM

            Originally Posted by mrsm109
            Ladies Thank you so much for all of your advice, encouragement and support. I guess I should have clarified a few things. What I meant by saying that things would change after we were married is that the company he works for is large so for most events you can only bring someone if you are married. And now that we're engaged I thought it would be different in regards to that.

            But either way, I was really hurt by everything that happened and was really surprised when everything blew up the way it did, because I didn't see it coming. I spoke to him a little yesterday. He came home during the day so we could talk while the kids were at school. He apologized, and I forgive him, but I also told him that at this point I just need a little time to really clear my head before I make any life-changing decisions. I told him what I thought and how it was completely unacceptable. He says they will and understands that nothing he says will prove that, only time and actions. All I can do now really is wait to see.

            Thank you again everyone .
            Great!!!! Very good idea that you took control of the situation. It is YOUR choice whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him, not his. He SHOULD sweat a little bit after that episode.

            So, I have called off a wedding before, like 4 weeks before... paid for, planned, invited out. Devistating at the time. I didn't think I would ever love anyone else. And I didn't for a long time, but eventually I met my husband and thank God I didn't get married bc I didn't think there was anyone better for me. I can even imagine adding some kids to the picture would make things even more confusing. I am just saying this so that you make the decision that is BEST FOR YOU. Not that is best for your kids, most convinient, for financial reasons or because the wedding is paid for. It is just money. Your kids will always have both of you.
            I do sincerely hope that you work it out, and your relationship is stronger because of this. BUT, if it's not.... you know what to do!

            #56 H&F

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              Posted 24 April 2009 - 02:27 PM

              Wow Kate.com, that was very brave of you to call off the wedding (and be willing to share your story). I'm so glad you were strong enough to stand up and make the decisions you did.

              I must say that I didn't make such a good decision the 1st time around. I married a guy who I knew in my heart was not right for me. He's a good person and there was nothing really "wrong" with our relationship. There was just nothing more between us then friendship and friendship does not alone make for a marriage.

              Anyways, I was to afraid to call things off as we got close to the wedding even though I felt pretty sure that I didn't want to marry him. I was afraid of all the money already spent, letting people down, hurting him, etc. That was the WORST decision I ever made. It is so much harder and painful to end a marriage then to postpone marrying someone. Please take all the time you need to find out what it is YOU really want. Maybe take a trip somewhere, go visit a friend in another state, anything to give you a little space to figure out what you want to do. Don't put yourself on a deadline and really think things through.

              In the end, you will end up on the right side of things. I know it! Hang in there!

              #57 shellk

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                Posted 25 April 2009 - 03:52 AM

                im so glad that you have spoken to each other.its ok what we say but you need to talk to him.just make sure you tell him exactly how you feel.good luck

                #58 islandbride317

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                  Posted 25 April 2009 - 06:54 AM

                  Is the nightmare over, then? I sure hope so, sweetie! If not, we're all here for you, whatever time of day or night....you will always find love and hugs a second away!

                  #59 DWbride09

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                    Posted 25 April 2009 - 09:05 AM

                    *I read the update

                    #60 BillysBride

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                      Posted 25 April 2009 - 09:19 AM

                      Errr..hold up.

                      He owed you that apology, absofreakinlutely no doubt about that. BUT the real issue here is WHY he said what he did, not that he apologized for it after the fact.

                      You are DEFINITELY doing the right thing if you are truly taking a step back and taking stock of your relationship. I think to be totally fair, you need more information from him...BUT, having said that, theres only so much he can give by way of explanation for the crappy thing he said AND his behavior. Don't take an "I'm sorry" when what should really be on the menu is "I was drunk/high/concussed when I said I was embarassed of you." THAT is a huge issue and believe me, it's something you will never forget no matter how often he apologizes.

                      If he had a problem with you, the way you look, how you act or carry yourself, then his ass needs to hit the bricks. Kids or no kids, and believe me..I know of what I speak. Don't ever let yourself believe that having kids with this person puts you on lock down. You always have a choice. You deserve better and can GET better if he isn't going to man up and be the man who is worthy of a person like you whose willing to stand by him and raise a family with him.

                      He hasn't been treating you right and that much is obvious. The whole you-can't-go-unless-you're-married thing doesn't really ring true to me. What company takes the time to look into whose married and whose not if they are so big? It's not the military for cryin' out loud...significant other is significant enough for most shindigs.

                      Be careful...trust your gut and don't settle. Think of your kids and how you would want your son/daughter to behave in this situation if it were their life. That's always the real measure of what's right to me. I might settle for some crap that I would never condone for one of my children, and when I think about it that way, it usually turns my light bulb on.

                      God bless....stick to your guns and do not let an apology make you jump back into what sounds like a cycle of behavior with him. Demand change and if he can't ante up, tell him to kick rocks and get the hell out.

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