78 replies to this topic

[mrsm109]

I don't even know what to write. We have an amazing relationship. We got into a small argument about his work(which he lied about), and he told me to give him his ring back. He said it more then once, so I had to. This is the one thing we said we would never do. I feel like I'm dying inside. I don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm sorry for posting such a negative post but I'm so lost right now. Our wedding is already planned and payed for. And I don't know where to go next. As silly as it sounds I don't even know who I am without him....Thanks for listening, and its not just as easy as walking away...we have kids. I didn't even know there was a problem. Any advice on how to deal would be great.TIA~~~

[MarieSam]

If it's not too instrusive and you feel comfortable doing so, can you elaborate on what the argument was about? I think it would help us to have a little background on where the anger on his part stemmed from.

In the meantime, head up and keep strong. I know your head is probably spinning...we are all hear to listen and help as much as we can

[mrsm109]

Really I'm not sure. He invited me to a dinner with him and his colleges (which for the most part I can't go because of babysitter reasons, honestly I've never been to go in the 3 years he has been with the company) but today I could. As soon as I said I could he stumbled around and said he would have to call me back. When he did he said sorry he was mistaken, I was no longer invited. Each time it always is like this. I was hurt because a few months ago he said he was embarrassed of me. When we decided to get married he said things would be different, but there not. When he uninvited me my feelings were hurt. He then told me I wasn't understanding and he didn't want to marry someone like me. I'm crushed. I don't even know what to say. I'm embarrassed to tell the people close to me. Thank you so much for listening. We really do (as far as I knew) had a great relationship. I just don't know what to do now...I'm so hurt

[MarieSam]

Ok well, forgive me for being blunt, but off the bat someone who tells you he's "embarrassed of you" is not worth $hit in my opinion. There is no way in hell a man should ever even open his lips to tell the woman he is going to marry and has children with that he's embarrassed of her for any damn reason, unless of course she's acting like a fool. You deserve someone who is proud to hold your hand, proud to say he loves you, proud to bring you around anyone in his life.

Secondly, the back and forth about the work dinner invite seems strange to me. What was the reasoning why you suddenly could not go? And why in all these years have you not been invited to go?

And I totally see why you were hurt when he rescinded the dinner offer, after all these years you were excited to join him. It doesn't seem like he had a valid reason to say you suddenly couldn't go, and for him to jump to "you're not understanding, I don't want to marry someone like you" is a crock of $hit.

Furthermore, the idea of "things will be different when we're married" is a poor excuse for not dealing with the issue in the moment. To say something will change once a rings and vows are exchanged is simply sliding problems/issues that need to be dealt with ASAP under the rug.

I know you're hurting, but you in no way should be embarrassed to tell those close to you what happened. In my opinion, FI seems like he's being a complete ass for no good reason. From what you've said, I can't see how he's suddenly jumped to the conclusion that you're not worth marrying.

*hugs* I hope I'm not being harsh, I just don't like to see any woman have some guy who seems like he's in the wrong seconding guessing herself. Most importantly, you have children who need you to be strong.

I think you need to really sit down and talk to him, hash it out and see where his epiphany that you guys shouldn't be getting married is coming from. Also, find out what's behind all this work dinner stuff, because it seems there's something more brewing there that you deserve to have an explanation for.

We are here for you*

[bobbysgirl]

What a !! I know you're hurt but from what I've read, he's not worth your tears. Chin up.. Keep the Faith that what's meant to be will be. I won't call him any names cuz I can tell even though you're hurt you still love him.

[islandbride317]

You poor, sweet lady!

I wouldn't give up, or think that his decision is "final", at this stage of the game...try to sit down and have a conversation, just the two of you (see if someone can watch your kids for a few hours, so you won't have interruptions). Maybe then you can start to dig into whatever the "REAL" problem is...

I agree completely with EVERYTHING MarieSame has said. Reread her post and try to really internalize what she told you, because she's dead-on with her opinion/advice.

Stay strong, and we're here for you!

[lil_miss_frogg]

I agree with MarieSam. A man should never be embarrassed to carry you under his arm. I think he is an ass for saying that and you DESERVE better. I wish I could write more....but I have to get the kiddos to school and sitter. Keep your head up and you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[ACDCDCAC]

oh my word, im so sad for you i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, but i know at this point not much will help- im sure you are just crushed. just please know that we are here to listen and feel free to unload on us whenever you need! there is always someone online at any hour to cry/vent/yell/ramble to.

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} and please keep us updated!

[iwantadreamswedding]

I think MarieSam pretty much covered everything. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're in my thoughts.

[*Kerin28*]

I'm so sorry to hear this! The girls are right though. You really need to sit down and think about everything that just happened. If this is how he feels its not going to just go away over night, there is a root to this problem. I'm more concerned with how your being treated though aside of this. There is really something fishy about you not being able to go out with him to his work stuff. No woman should be in a relationship and be treated like this.
We are all here for you. Please take time to yourself and really think this through. Keep in mind whats best for you in the long run. I know its hard, I have been there. If you need to vent we are all here to listen and give our honest feedback.
**HUGS**