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bride7474

Small wedding - ppl assume they are invited

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I agree it is very rude for people to invite themselves and it is NO rude for you to tell them it is going to be a small intimate wedding. It's your day and what you guys want, you can't please everbody so stick to those you want to invite. Also like Stachr said only 50% of people really come. You'll be amazed at how many people keep talking about it and claim to be coming and they aren't for various reasons.

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I know how you guys feel, I am too easy going to say anything to my FMIL - but she is like, well 'so and so are probably coming', most of them are her close friends - people I have never met, but as far as I can tell it's not going to cost MUCH more to have extra people...Ugh, I am in a very close program (Med school) and I am not sure who to invite from my class, I have some pretty close friends in the class and then others who I am friendly with but not super tight. It's so hard to try and choose who to invite, I know for sure I will be offending some people....but I do need to be more assertive. I just decided to let our sets of parents invite their close friends (at least ones we know) and see what happens, at this point I doubt we will have a huge group anyway.

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I am very much on the same wave length of Megan, I wanted only immediate family and our closest friends, but my FI had a different and very valid opinion.

 

He felt like if people cared about us enought to spend their money in these tough times to see us become husband and wife then let them come. Ultimatly this resulted in only 3 extra guests so far and I feel comforatable with this resolution.

 

I mean people that we thought were 100% going to come are not and some we thought would never come are. There will always be suprises.

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It is very rude for people to assume they are invited, especially if you haven't even known them that long! There are some people who are very forward like that. Unfortunately, once you announce your engagement, people automatically think it's an open invitation to your money! Do what you want, not what others say...cuz of course when it comes to YOUR wedding, everyone is going to have an opinion.

Tell people who ask that you are just having a small, intimate wedding with your very close friends and family. If they don't get the hint, that's their problem. They'll eventually get the hint when the invitation doesn't arrive in the mail, lol.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stachr View Post
Yeah they say to bank on 50% of people invited to the destination wedding to show up.
we had a ton of people talk about coming, but few actually did. it was much less than 50%. with the economy the way it is this year, i think it will be less. i just crossed my fingers & hoped that excess people didnt come. it all worked out.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stachr View Post
As long as our parents, brothers and long time best friends are there, we will be delighted!
yeah, i meant the excess people. i found people did a lot of talking, but they were not really going to follow through & go.

although we did have many close friends not make it. it was fine with us. we just wanted our parents and siblings and maybe a couple of friends. I was hoping to have less than 25 people. We had 21. I was just getting really worried for a while that we'd have 60-100 guests with all the people talking about going. I wasted a lot of energy worrying about this & talking to them about their arrangements to get there. so many of the people who didn't actually go, were creating complicated scenarios for the trip. Then i started to worry about all the day passes. I wish I would have just ignored it all. it would have saved me a lot of time.

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I would have to agree with Morgan - even if people tell you they are coming, a lot of them won't. but just to prevent any hurt feelings, it's probably best to tell everyone that you're having an intimate wedding with just family and a handful of your oldest friends. People get that.

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Well you know what they say about the word ASSUME..

Folks mistake is assuming they are invited. Keep to your plan and let folks know firmly that it will be an intimate affair and you cannot extend an invite though you would have loved to.

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In regard to people inviting themselves...I work with someone who is THE biggest gossip. She told me, "I can't wait to go to your wedding!" As if! It is not going to happen. She would only report everything she would see back to the office. I definitely have to reinforce the 'It's just for family and a few friends'. sigh.

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