Boundaries Needed OR Am I unreasonable?? **LONG - NEED TO VENT***
Posted 18 February 2009 - 05:23 PM
Fast forward to Saturday, FI tells me at like 11:30 pm that SIL decided to pay us a visit the next day which was Sunday. I responded by saying that (1) I was very tired and (2) would not be able or inclined to entertain anyone as I had a million errands to run for the wedding and in general. He looked at me weirdly, but at that point I was too tired to even question the look. The following day, the mother, sister, uncle and nephew shows up EARLY, we are talking 10 am. I decided to stay for a while to chat and decided in an hour's time I would head out. At some point, the MIL to be says to FI's sister, Did you ask about the stuff in your car?? I look pointedly at the MIL and the sister and ask for an explanation.
The SIL then says casually, "Oh I brought my laundry down and want to know if its okay to wash my clothes". WTF??!!! At this point I am thinking--you really came to visit our "washing machine". Mind you, she could have given me or FI the courtesy and asked PRIOR if this was okay, but to be so class-less, tacky and presumptuous to bring your 3 army bags of clothes to wash and put me on the spot was totally out of line. Shouldn't the question have been, "Can I help you guys out and do YOUR laundry?!!!! For once I was stunned speechless and since I had no choice, said it was okay for her to wash her mounds of clothes. HERE IS THE KICKER--something prompted me to go a step further so I asked, "Do you at least have soap?" SIL looked at me quizzically and said " No I don't". Again, WTF??!!!! FI was so so embarrassed, as he is very different from them in their thinking.
At this point I was too through..COME ON FOLKS!!! In the end, I offered to show her where the nearest grocery store was so she could purchase her own soap and softener. My struggle and question is--When do you establish boundaries with in-laws? Yes you merge families, but I have a tough time as it is holding it in /speaking my mind as I am very straightforward. But instances like these where I chose to pick my own battles and not mention how I felt to them or FI if certainly if ever repeated would send me over the edge. ADVICE please.
Posted 18 February 2009 - 05:40 PM
You are so nicer than me because I would have thrown them out and said find a laundrette you cheeky cows oh and btw yes your grandchild/nephew is feeling much better thanks!!
People are so vile at times and I find mostly its my inlaws lol
They don't contact me and as far as I know only his mother has my telephone number and that is the way I like it.
Visits are fine anything else tell them to poke off!!
I'm so mad for you lol people never fail to amaze me!
Posted 18 February 2009 - 06:30 PM
Posted 18 February 2009 - 06:33 PM
like you said, maybe if she had presented it differently, like any chance i could help you with your laundry and mix mine in too?
Posted 19 February 2009 - 01:44 PM
Posted 19 February 2009 - 02:56 PM
WTF were they thinking? I am so so mad for you!!!!
You ABSOLUTELY need boundaries set and I agree with Harty that FI needs to talk to his family about this.
Posted 19 February 2009 - 03:27 PM
I would have never thought about asking them if they had their own soap, etc. That was so awesome!
Posted 19 February 2009 - 04:22 PM
Posted 19 February 2009 - 05:01 PM
And to the girls I can always count on you guys for the emotional lift and good advice. smooches!
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