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Trying not to upset FSIL

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#1 soon2bePowers

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    Posted 16 February 2009 - 12:35 AM

    A few weeks ago FI, my mom and I started planning our AHR with FI's sister. The original plan (because she mentioned it) was to have it at her house. Just do something simple-open house style. FSIL is somewhat the matriark of the family since they have lost both of their parents. I was very excited about the AHR until we started looking at the guest list and it was getting pretty large 140ish. I started thinking that was too many people to have at her house. She didn't mention anything about the numbers and I began feeling a bit stuck. Not wanting to upset her and not having another place I didn't say anything.

    Now my aunt has told my mom that she was wanting to offer us the use of her work (sounds funny but she works at a place called earthways) he work is a three-story Victorian house built in 1885. It has inside areas and outside gardens as it is part of MO-Botanical Gardens. AND it would be FREE. They do not typically have such things but my aunt runs the place so we will be an exception.

    Now I don't know what to do. I don't want to upset my FSIL. It was sooo very nice of her to offer to have it at her home. But my aunt (who is not coming to Mexico) really wanted to offer this to us and she didn't know we had already began planning the AHR. I am also very nervous about have 140 people at my FSIL's house!

    What to do now

    #2 Kelly C

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      Posted 16 February 2009 - 12:42 AM

      Maybe have your aunt offer it to your FSIL as a gift to you. Maybe it will go over better that way.
      Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


      #3 KLC77

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        Posted 16 February 2009 - 04:47 AM

        You never know, FSIL could be getting nervous about the size of the guest list too, but just doesn't want to disappoint since she already offered her house... so maybe she would welcome the offer of your aunt's work. She could still be a major part of the planning and be very involved. If she knows your aunt, then maybe it would be good for your aunt to call her and make the offer, but if not I think you can do it without hurting her feelings. Just talk about the size of the guest list and see what her feelings are. Good luck!

        Our Awesome Wedding Pics: http://www.delsolpho...ings/kelly&ron/

        #4 Hartyt509

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          Posted 16 February 2009 - 10:58 AM

          Just do it you can't please everyone all of th etime and just say look your house is gorgeous i didn't want it trashed that'll work lol

          #5 YoursTruly

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            Posted 17 February 2009 - 06:23 PM

            In the end, it is ultimately your decision. Point out the benefits of having it (fire hazard) in more spacious surroudings and that your Aunt who is not attending would really like to have it there. It won't be your first nor last possible run-in with the inlaws so use this as your warm up (smile).

            #6 beachbride08

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              Posted 17 February 2009 - 07:55 PM

              I would just let her know about your aunt's offer, and just be honest that it would probably be a better location since there will be more room for such a large party and this is something that your aunt really wants to do. Thank her for offering her home, and just let her know you would still love her assistance in the planning so she still feels part of it. Like someone else said, she may be happy about the change as I'm not sure I would want 140 people at my house!

              #7 Betsy


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                Posted 17 February 2009 - 11:15 PM

                I think you should see if your aunt will offer it as a gift to you to your FSIL - it is a touchy situation as you don't want to upset anyone but do you really think she wants 140 people at her house?

                #8 DWandMJ

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                  Posted 17 February 2009 - 11:33 PM

                  I would be honest with the SIL. Let her know that you want to make sure that she is ok with the number of guests at her house, because she is by no means obligated. Reassure that if she has any reservations, whatsoever, that use of the alternative has been offered. Also, reitterate that by no means do you want to step on anyone's toes and you appreciate everything she has done.
                  I wish I had family members fighting over who gets to host our AHR :)

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