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KJT1985

A little down about people's reactions...

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WOW I am glad to hear that I am not the only one going through this. Well I mean I am not glad that anyone is going through this really. I thought both mine and my FI only had these troubles and inconsiderate family members!! I can't believe his ass of a father. Won't get into that! Do people really get it that this is a wedding and not some cocktail party or even a birthday partyhuh.gif Who flippen cares if they were not thinking of taking a vaction or if Jamaica was not in their plans or if they can't go on their reg vacation AHHHH I get so infuriated when I talk about this. Of course we fully understand if people don't have the $$ especially for our resort as it is one of the more expensive ones, but when you BIT*H and give us lame excuses really sc*rew off. You know planning a wedding really brings out lets say the "devil" in people. People that are supposed to be there for you!! I don't get it?? I tear up and get angry reading all of the response to these kind of posts. It's really too sad to hear all this garbage and too bad for the bride and groom and ya it's their loss if they don't come! I will not beg anyone to come to my wedding lol. We are quite fine with the 2 of us (which we knew when planning may happen). Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed that.

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Vent all you want ladies. It just hacks me off people tell ME i'm being selfish on MY day! I know if it was THEIR day I would go above and beyond to make sure they were happy and getting what they want. We each only get one (hopefully) and shouldn't it be OUR feelings and memories that matter! They've all had or will have their day. And it's not like we're asking them to sell a kidney to come. If they can, they can. If not, they'll be missed but in the end it's our decisions because its OUR day. Yes, I suppose I am being selfish by wanting to do it OUR way and ignoring all the guilt trips and whining. But that's ok - it's the one day where it IS ok.

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So my mother finally spoke to me after like a week and she just tells me how upset she is. That im her only daughter and she wants to basically parade me around infront of everyone. She told me noone is coming, how can i get married without my brothers there?? The best part is is that my one brother lives in California (my whole family is in NJ) and when he gets married I guarantee everyone will fly out to see it...but me!! Nooooo!! No one can put $50 a month away for two years!! Shes making me feel like censored.gif I shouldnt feel this way about my own wedding!! Am i supposed to give in and have a wedding here in teh states just to make her feel happy?? What about me then!! I thought planning a wedding was supposed to be fun! Im miserable right now!! She alwasy does this to me!! Im so excited to get married in the caribbean but my own mother finds some way to ruin that for me!!

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Originally Posted by yaker33 View Post
So my mother finally spoke to me after like a week and she just tells me how upset she is. That im her only daughter and she wants to basically parade me around infront of everyone. She told me noone is coming, how can i get married without my brothers there?? The best part is is that my one brother lives in California (my whole family is in NJ) and when he gets married I guarantee everyone will fly out to see it...but me!! Nooooo!! No one can put $50 a month away for two years!! Shes making me feel like censored.gif I shouldnt feel this way about my own wedding!! Am i supposed to give in and have a wedding here in teh states just to make her feel happy?? What about me then!! I thought planning a wedding was supposed to be fun! Im miserable right now!! She alwasy does this to me!! Im so excited to get married in the caribbean but my own mother finds some way to ruin that for me!!
Yaker, if your mother so badly wants you to marry locally then tell her to pay for it. Furthermore, if you give in and do what she wants you will regret it and probably feel very bitter towards her (I know I would; I wouldn't even talk to my mom if I was forced to have a wedding to her suiting). Geez, I am getting so mad just reading all of the crap people are going through planning their own wedding. I wish someone would come to me and tell me some of the things that you guys have been told -- I would put him/her right in their place; "b*tch, be thankful I thought of your enough to send an invite." Seriously, if it is that much of an imposition DO NOT COME! Why don't people just get it? Seriously, unless you are the bridegroom, your presence is really not mandatory.

...whoa that was a lot of pent up anger...so glad I got that out!

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I am sooo using the line, "We'll have a margarita in your honor." I came on today because my FI and I just found out that one of our groomsman and bridesmaid (they're married to each other) are pregnant and their baby is due the week after our wedding! Needless to say, they won't be making it, which is a bummer because we'd love for them to be there. We've been fortunate enough to get considerate heads-up from guests that received our STDs and can't come. They weren't nasty about it, but it's still a downer when you're getting all the "noes" and not really hearing about any "yeses." In the beginning, we thought hands-down we'd have 100+ people at the wedding, but with the way the economy has been it's hard to say if even 50 people will end up showing.

 

However, I'd rather have a small wedding in a place that makes me smile, than a large wedding at some wedding hall in northern NJ (think Real Housewives). I'd be miserable if I had to spend double the money on a wedding that's going to end up like the 15+ weddings we've been to in the past 2 years. In fact, the weddings I'm most excited for are the weddings that take us away from NJ. We've got friends marrying in Vail, CO, Newport, RI and L.A., CA and we're so excited to go to each one of them. I'm not going to forget a wedding in the Rockies or any other wedding I have to fly to. Yes, they're expensive, but I love traveling, which is why I'm doing this DW in the first place.

 

In short, the nasty things those people are saying is more of a reflection about them than it is about you. None of us brides are selfish and ungrounded. We just happen to want a wedding experience that weeds out all the "haters" and leaves us with the folks who love life and really want to be there. :)

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Originally Posted by BeautifulBridetoBe View Post
If I have learned anything during this season of planning my wedding, it is how inwardly focused guests, friends and family can be. As brides, we must realize quickly that most people want us to have the wedding that THEY want us to have...the one that suits them, their schedule, their wallet, their taste in food and music, during a time of day when the sun is shining on their good side, where the carpet will not interfere with their new shoes and the cake is lactose-free because they have an allergy!

They will complain about anything that does not suit them, ignoring the wishes and wants of the bride and grrom because they believe they have some entitlement to your wedding! After all, they are the groom's sister, bride's mother, groom's best friend, etc. They forget that they have the blessing of witnessing your special day...and that's it...that is all they are entitled to.
This sums it up perfectly! I used to work at a catering hall and you would get guests thinking it was their party and asking for the sun, the moon and stars! I have been telling people that my FI picked Mexico, and this resort... because I do not want them to get mad at me when in fact although he did pick the resort I am the one who wanted the DW! It is terrible that I am blaming it on him as if it is something to blame someone for... I live on Long Island in NY and my brothers wedding was $35,000 paid for by his in laws and it was not even spectacular and amazing like something costing that much should be! My friend's wedding was close to $60,000 and she got divorced 4 months after! Weddings are too expensive here!!!!!!! Such a waste for a 5 hour party! Most of my friends have parents that are paying, but we are paying ourselves. If I have a choice of renting out a Knights of Columbus hall and having it catered or going to Mexico at an awesome resort for the same price guess what I am choosing?

The other day I started bawling b/c I don't think one of my aunt's can make it, but my FI said not to cry about the ones who cannot come, but to be happy about the ones who are coming. Seeing it from that perspective is making it much easier. Boy this is rough and it is still a year away!

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And if I may one more time...

 

I've been married for 3 months now and let me tell you...a DW was the best decision we made. Not because of all of the fun we had, but for some very practical reasons.

 

First off: we invited 171 friends and family members to our DW, knowing that many would not make it. What we did not expect was that some would not even REPLY. To this day, we have yet to recieve our RSVP cards back or a word about if they even recieved our invitation. They have not even called to congratulate us on our recent nuptials. It showed us how much we actually mean to some people.

 

So, if we had listened to my MIL and had the at home wedding, we would have invited 171 people, most of which who would have come as we were picking up the tab. In reality, their genuine care for us shows in how they have ignored our invitation or complained about the wedding we want to have.Our wedding would have been filled with those who at the end of the day, may not really care about us, but would have welcomed the occassion to get dressed up and have a meal.

 

So have the wedding YOU want to have.

 

A sencond great reason: we are not in debt. Debt wreaks HAVOC on a new marriage, especially large wedding debt for a wedding you did not enjoy. It's not your cousin Mildred who has to get dressed and go to work every day after to pay for the wedding bills...it's most likely you and your FI!

 

We are saving for a house and looking into taking a cruise this fall to enjoy being husband and wife. We would not be able to achieve our personal financial goals with a big at home wedding.

 

Bottom line: have the wedding YOU want to have....not just the honeymoon you want to have. People will try to talk you into an at-home wedding and then you can go to your destination for your honeymoon. NO...have the wedding you want to have....those are your memories and your photographs. They should be what you want.

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